In a spa’s waiting room, the Receptionist looked up as the Customer entered with a blast of outside oven air; the welcoming smile was maintained as the former realized the latter was glistening.
“Hello,” the Receptionist said while trying to breathe only through the mouth, “you have an appointment?”
“Yeah,” the Customer said while patting various body parts with a suddenly-produced towel. “Last name’s -----; I’d made a 3:00 appointment for a facial, not knowing at the time that today would be Summer with a capital ‘S.’”
The Receptionist navigated through the computer: “Oh yes, here you are. There’re few forms to fill out – would you like to… freshen up first?”
“Would I ever! It’s 105° Celsius outside, and as you’ve undoubtedly noticed, I’m a bit drippy.”
“Heh-heh, you mean it’s actually 105°… Fahrenheit?”
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you.”
“Bathroom’s down the hall.”
After the Customer washed up/dried off and completed the questionnaire, the Aesthetician unobtrusively appeared to take the forms and lead the way to the treatment room. There was dim lighting, a narrow bed piled up with comfy blankets, and soothing wind chime music playing softly.
“Aaaaaaahhhh….” the Customer sighed, “this is the mood setting I forgot to anticipate in my rush to get here.”
“Hm?” The Aesthetician was distracted in the routine of preparing for the session. “Oh, yes, completely relax and let your cares fade away for the next hour. Now please strip off your top and put this wrap on.” Said wrap was pointed out on the bed.
The Customer stared at it. “Oh. Right. Also forgot about the near-nudity required at these things.”
The Aesthetician left the room for a few minutes to give the Customer privacy and time to change, and also to review the skin issues selected on the forms: “Oh my: we have our work cut out for us today.”
Knocking when re-entering the room, the Aesthetician saw the Customer lying on the bed under the blankets, eyes closed, slightly snoring: “Ahem!”
The Customer blinked rapidly: “Oh hey, what’s up?”
The Aesthetician moved behind the bed and placed a towel around the Customer’s hair: “So, I’m going to start with some exfoliators: you indicated on the forms you have issues with acne, eczema, rosacea, dry skin, and oily skin?”
“Yeah, it’s a big ol’ mess in there.”
“Right – here we go.”
The Aesthetician rubbed various products onto the Customer’s face that gently removed a mini-layer of epidermis while the latter increasingly relaxed.
“This is great….”
“Uh-huh.” The Aesthetician pulled down a face shield and swung a bright light over the Customer’s head: “And now, we begin The Extraction.”
The Customer’s eyes flew wide open: “Huh?”
The Aesthetician produced a mini-jackhammer and began drilling away at all the pesky acne pustules that covered the Customer’s face. After five minutes, the Aesthetician turned off the jackhammer and swapped it out for an electric prod: “And now, time for us to teach those ingrown hairs who’s boss.”
“Wait a sec – ” ZAP! ZAP-ZAP-ZAP!
“Ooh,” the Aesthetician muttered while peering closer, “we’ve got a stubborn one on your right cheek.”
“Oh, that’s been there for ages; it’s an ongoing battle.”
“Let’s settle this once and for all, shall we?” ZAAAAAAAP!!!!
When the electricity stopped, the Customer wearily asked, “Is that my face that’s smoking?”
“Not at all – just need to let our friend here cool off a minute so as not to overheat. Aaaaand here we go!” ZAP-ZAP-ZAP –
“You know, I think I’ll start wearing a moustache – ”
“Nonsense: no one with any sense of current Western fashion trends wears moustaches without some kind of complementary beard anymore; it just looks incomplete. Now, let us resume removing the inflammation.” Jackhammer again.
Sometime later, the Aesthetician set that tool aside and whipped out a sander: “And now, this should eradicate the rest of the flesh that’s the source of most of your facial discomfort.”
“Wait – ” scrape – “I’m confused – ” scrape – “are you an aesthetician – ” scrape-scrape – “or an intense dermatologist?!” Scrape-scrape-scraaaaaaape….
“Now!” The Aesthetician flung down the sander and briskly rubbed some oil between the hands. “Time for the massage.”
“Oh thank goodness – ” the Aesthetician proceeded to compress the Customer’s skull. Shoulders, arms, and hands then were dislocated and reinserted back into their sockets; there was one final smoothing out of muscles, and then the Aesthetician sat back, exhausted.
“Right! All done. I’ll leave you some water to replace the moisture you’ve lost as you get dressed before you come back to the front desk and give me my tip.” The Aesthetician left the room and washed off the detritus from the session.
The Customer shakily returned to the front desk and was greeted by the Receptionist: “Hi there! Feel nice and refreshed?”
“You have a mirror?”
“Sure!” The Receptionist held up a small one.
“Huh.” The Customer turned this way and that while looking at the reflection. “It’s still there.”
“What, a blemish you wanted to get rid of?”
“No: my face.”
The Aesthetician emerged from the back expectantly: “Hello-hello-hello!”
The Customer handed over a bill: “Here you go, everything was great, I never want to see you again, thanks.”
“You’re welcome, come back soon, bye!” The Aesthetician left to prepare for the next appointment: a deep-tissue, deep-nail pedicure.
The Customer turned back to the Receptionist: “I have a gift certificate.”
“Sure, I’ll take that for you!” While processing the transaction, the Receptionist made a last-ditch effort for repeat business: “You know, we offer 25% off sales throughout the year – one’s even coming up in about two weeks!”
The Customer gingerly touched the right cheek, wincing: “I’ll have to think about it; this was a little more… intense than I expected for a spa visit.”
“Well, that’s because this is actually a medical spa – here, we don’t fool around.”
