Story 563: Post-Halloween Letdown

            (In line outside a building)

Friend 1: <Sigh> (Side-eyes Friend 2, who is studiously ignoring the former) <Siiiiiigggghhhh>…. <SIIIIIIGGGHHHH>

Friend 2: (Finally turns to Friend 1) Is this your passive-aggressive way of getting me to ask “What’s wrong?”

Friend 1: Yes.

Friend 2: Thought so.  (Goes back to staring at traffic passing by)

Friend 1: You’re no fun – I can’t just complain without any prompting.

Friend 2: Never stopped you before.

Friend 1: True, but I’m trying to give you some semblance of conversational control.

Friend 2: How thoughtful.

Friend 1: …Well?         

Friend 2: (Slowly turns back to Friend 1 with an exasperated look) Oh no, whatever is the matter?  Please rant about it for 10 minutes with ultimately no resolution.

Friend 1: There’s no need for sarcasm.

Friend 2: Sure there is.  So, spit it out – what’s wrong?

Friend 1: Oh, I don’t know –

Friend 2: Ugh.

Friend 1: No-no, that was just my introduction; ahem: Oh, I don’t know, I guess the whole post-Halloween letdown is getting to me, that’s all.

Friend 2: (Slowly blinks) What.

Friend 1: You know how it is: you gear up all October for Halloween, trying to get in the spirit of things, decorate indoors and out, dress up, watch scary movies, go to scary farms, eat all the candy, and then November 1 hits and BAM!

Friend 2: All Saints’ Day?

Friend 1: No!

Friend 2: Día de los Muertos?

Friend 1: No – wait, I actually should start celebrating that one, it looks pretty cool.

Friend 2: It’s a cultural celebration of people’s ancestors and you’d have no point of reference or understanding of its significance to truly appreciate it.

Friend 1: Food’s pretty good though, right?

Friend 2: Whatever: November 1 hits and what?

Friend 1: Oh, right: November 1, and all the fun’s over.  The decorations are now pitiful remnants of good times, the costumes get tucked away to be forgotten for another year, the scary farms are regular old farms again, the movies and the candy are good year-round but just don’t hit the same off-season – in short: blah.

Friend 2: We got Thanksgiving coming up before you know it.

Friend 1: Nobody cares about Thanksgiving!

Friend 2: Rude.

Friend 1: You know what I mean: pre-Halloween build-up is fun excitement, and post-Halloween is dreary letdown.  I also didn’t get to do much this year, no trick-or-treaters stopped by even to toilet paper my apartment building, and I went through all the Frankenstein movies for the first time ever with more of an appreciation for 30s and 40s filmmaking than actually being scared.

Friend 2: Wait, how many Frankenstein movies were there?  I thought it was just the one.

Friend 1: (Scoffs) Amateur: (Counts on fingers) not counting remakes, there’s also Bride of, Son of, Ghost of, House of –

Friend 2: OK, forget I asked.

Friend 1: I will.

Friend 2: So, if you’re all bummed out that Halloween’s over, maybe keep up the decorations for a few more weeks and dress like a zombie or a clown when you go to work or something.

Friend 1: (Stares off into the middle distance) I already tried all that.  The thrill is gone, and I got written up.

Friend 2: Well, I’m sorry to hear you’re upset with the onward passage of time, again: hold on for another 11 months and I’m certain the thrill will return once more.

Friend 1: That’s all I have to look forward to, I suppose.  (They both advance one spot in the line) Spending a lovely Saturday morning on a never-ending queue sure isn’t helping my mood.

Friend 2: I’ll say.  So much for early voting – by the time we get to the head of the line, it’ll be Election Day.

Story 364: Reverse Trick-or-Treating

             (In an office, Coworker 2 is on the phone and typing on a computer)

            Coworker 2: Uh-huh…. Listen, I’m actually in the middle of sending something else out; could you call me back in about 10 minutes and go into more detail then?... You know you’re the most important person in my work life, but this other thing is a little time-sensitive…. Frankly, I’m not so sure I should be the one sending that out since you’re, you know, the manager – (Is cut off by Coworker 1 dropping a heavy bag of candy directly onto Coworker 2’s workspace) Ah!

            Coworker 1: Bad time?

           Coworker 2: No – (To the screaming voice on the phone) Hi, something-just-came-up-gotta-go-bye.  (Hangs up) What’s all this?

            Coworker 1: I had a grand total of one trick-or-treater this year: 195 pieces of candy remain.

            Coworker 2: That stinks – and you can’t even return the bag.

            Coworker 1: No kidding.  So.

            Coworker 2: Soooo…?

            Coworker 1: Take some.

           Coworker 2: (Pats stomach) I would, but I overdid it this year.  I don’t even know if I’ll be able to face Thanksgiving.

            Coworker 1: The candy doesn’t expire until next Halloween.

            Coworker 2: Ew.  And I don’t even know if I’ll be able to face next Halloween, either.  (Stares at the bag and turns slightly green) I was really bad.

            Coworker 1: (Grabs the bag and stalks off) Fine – no help whatsoever!

            Coworker 2: (Stares at the ringing phone) Story of my life, apparently.

            (Coworker 1 heads to another area of the office and drops the bag onto Coworker 3’s workspace)

            Coworker 1: Here.  Take some.

            Coworker 3: Ooh, thanks, but I started my diet yesterday.

            Coworker 1: The one you quit by every Thanksgiving?

           Coworker 3: The very same.  Means I get in at least three weeks of good behavior a year.

            Coworker 1: (Picks up the bag and drops it onto Coworker 4’s workspace) Here.  Take some.

            Coworker 4: You know I have diabetes.

            Coworker 1: I thought you still need emergency candy just in case?

            Coworker 4: Yeah, like one piece!

           Coworker 1: (Tilts the bag towards Coworker 4) I don’t mind – every bit helps the cause.

            Coworker 4: (Pushes the bag away) Sorry for my lack of support.

           (Coworker 1 grabs the bag and stalks off to the break room, grabs a large bowl from a cabinet, pours the candy into that, heads to the front of the office, and firmly sets the bowl on the receptionist’s counter)

            Receptionist: Uh, H.R. actually said we can’t have stuff like this out anymore.

            Coworker 1: Since when?!

            Receptionist: Since two years ago.  Trying to keep our health insurance costs down.

           Coworker 1: Ugh, health!  First innocent tobacco, now innocent sugar!  (Grabs the bowl)

            Receptionist: (Reaches out) Wait, can I take one?

            Coworker 1: Please do.  (Begins dumping the bowl’s contents onto the counter)

            Receptionist: Hey-hey-hey!  One piece, not one bowl!  (Starts tossing pieces back into the bowl)

            Coworker 1: (Begins dumping the bowl’s contents onto the counter again) But surely your heart is telling you to take more, and more, and –

Receptionist: (Pushes a panic button) H.R.!  I’m being bombarded with unwanted saccharine advances!

           (Coworker 1 looks up, sees two H.R. guards advancing, grabs the remaining loose candy, and runs away with the bowl)

            (Slowly walking down a residential street while carrying the candy in the bag again, Coworker 1 stops at a random house and rings the doorbell)

           Resident: (Opens the door and smiles) Well, hello there!  And what are we supposed to be dressed up as?

            Coworker 1: The Dregs of Corporate America.  (Holds up the bag) Treat.

           Resident: Why thank you, little office worker!  (Takes a piece of candy) You stay safe out there now, OK?  Bye-bye!  (Closes the door)

            Coworker 1: (Smiles down at the bag) Sweet.  At this rate, I’ll be done by New Year’s.