Showing posts with label Grand Canal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grand Canal. Show all posts

Thursday, July 9, 2020

Story 348: Race Around the World: Venice Edition


            (Announcer is standing on a gondola at the northwestern end of the Grand Canal)
           Announcer: Welcome, folks, to today’s installment of Race Around the World.  As you may have guessed by my surroundings, we are, in fact, in Venice – and not Little Venice in London, either: Actual Venice.  You can see on the Constitution Bridge behind me our four contestants are lined up and ready to begin their trek through the alleyways that are the closest things to pedestrian streets in this slowly sinking city, to emerge triumphant in Saint Mark’s Square – Piazza San Marco, if you want to be local – and collapse in the midst of the pigeons there.  They each must take a different route and all have been given maps, else we may never see any of them again.  And they’re off!  (The contestants run across the bridge; Announcer addresses the gondolier) Driver, take me down-canal!  (The gondolier begins rowing; Announcer falls onto the bottom of the gondola at the first lurch) Folks, the rest of this race will be brought to you by drone.
            (Contestants 1-4 run together until race officials direct each of them down a different street; drones follow as they separate)
            Announcer: (Voiceover) Contestant 3 is having a good start: that one got the route with signs directing tourists to the Piazza, so that’s a “Whoops” on the part of whoever scouted this locale.  (Contestant 3 stops short on the edge of a street that dead-ends onto a canal) Ah, the pitfalls of turning right when one should have turned left, then looped around that ancient church, then turned right: common beginner’s mistake.
        (Contestant 2 runs while holding the map in front of their face, zigging and zagging purposefully)
            Announcer: (V.O.) Ooh, this one shows promise: heading in the correct direction, crossing 25 canals already, making steady progress while refusing to be distracted by the fabulous ristoranti with their menus tantalizingly set out right in front – (Contestant 2 runs off the street into a canal) – guess misread that logo on the map: the bridge was a bit to the left there.  (Contestant 2 swims out of the canal and climbs back onto the street; the map is soaked) That’s too bad; maybe there’re some signs here to cheat with?  We’ll check back later.
            (Contestant 4 has traced a circuitous route for some time)
           Announcer: (V.O.) Ah, poor Contestant 4: back at the train station yet again.  At this point, just follow the Grand Canal, darling.  (Contestant 4 throws down the map, climbs up the side of a building, and begins leaping from rooftop-to-rooftop in a southeasterly direction) Is that allowed?... Well, nothing in the rules say contestants can’t do that, so let’s see how this pans out.
            (Contestant 1 arrives at the Rialto Bridge)
           Announcer: (V.O.) And here we have our first contestant reaching the last major checkpoint on the course – and look, Contestant 3 is not far behind!  This is getting exciting.
          (Contestant 1 reaches the far side of the bridge and hesitates turning right or going straight down the rest of the steps, staring at the map; Contestant 3 barrels past, nearly knocking over Contestant 1)
           Announcer: (V.O.) This section of the city has signs all over the place, so if you miss them then really, that’s on you.
            (Contestant 1 starts running again, catching up to Contestant 3; they try to pass each other but keep bouncing off the buildings that line the streets)
           Announcer: (V.O.) While those two are having fun, let’s check back in on our damp Contestant 2.  (Cut to Contestant 2, who is sitting at an outdoor café eating gelato and listening to a four-piece band) Never mind.  How about Contestant 4?  (Cut to Contestant 4, still parkouring across rooftops and now approaching the Piazza from the east)  Seems to have veered off a bit but is making excellent time trying to course-correct.  (Contestants 1 and 3 continuously shove each other as they approach from the north) Oh my, this is a close one: if none of them are disqualified for their behavior, we could quite possibly have a three-way tie.  (Contestant 4 leaps onto one of the roofs of St. Mark’s Basilica, vaults off the four horses on the front balcony, and slides down the side of the building to stumble onto the ground at the same moment that Contestants 1 and 3 mutually shove themselves into the Piazza from the opposite side.  The three stare at each other through the hordes of pigeons) Oh dear.  We never did set an actual final endpoint within the Piazza itself for this.  Judges?  (As the judges confer, Contestants 1, 3, and 4 suddenly start running toward the south entrance of the Piazza; all three reach it at the same time, continue running, and simultaneously leap off the street into the mouth of the Grand Canal, swimming toward the Island of San Giorgio Maggiore)  Well.  It seems they have an unspoken agreement amongst themselves.  Whatever race they have going on right now is outside our purview – the judges have decided it’s a three-way tie, but I think the true winner here is Contestant 2, wouldn’t you agree?  (Cut to Announcer eating gelato with Contestant 2 at the outdoor café) As for me, I’ve had enough: I’m going to sit back and enjoy Venice now, and maybe I’ll see the rest of you in our next installment of Race Around the World.  However, that one is set for Wildwood, New Jersey, so I’ll have to think long and hard before I commit to it.