[Thanks to my nephew for suggesting the story idea]
(In a middle school classroom)
Teacher: (Addressing students at the beginning of class) All right, everyone, today we’re going to do something a little different –
Students: Yaaaaaay!
Teacher: HUSH! (They all hush) Now: since your term project involves a deep dive into exploring gravity as an all-consuming force in this world, I decided that a “hands-on” approach would be the most effective method to drive the lesson home into your still-developing cerebra. (Scans the room and points to a student in the middle of the third row) You!
Student: (Looks around at surrounding students as they surreptitiously scooch their desks away and then points to self) Me?
Teacher: Yes; you’re still going to martial arts classes, right?
Student: Uh, yeah?
Teacher: Is that a question?
Student: More of an unspoken one of “Where is this going?”
Teacher: I’ll show you in a moment – get up here. (Gestures to the front of the classroom)
Student: Umm… do I have to?
Teacher: Yes! This’ll be fun for everyone, I assure you.
Student: OK…. (Slowly stands up and does the long march to the front of the classroom, turns, and faces a roomful of pitying looks)
Teacher: Thanks for volunteering – (Student double-takes) now, to demonstrate how gravity controls us all no matter what we do, I want you, a still-sprouting youth who’s barely hit 100 lbs, to utilize gravity in order to throw me, a full-grown adult who could stand to shed a few, soundly onto the ground. (Crouches in a defensive posture) And… go!
Student: Umm… is this legal?
Teacher: I didn’t bother to check, now toss me!
Student: I really don’t think –
Teacher: No time for thinking, aaaaahhhh! (Rushes Student who instinctively grabs Teacher around the middle and bring the latter to the ground)
Students: (Stand as one and raise arms to cheer) Yaaaaaay!
Student: (Holding hands to mouth in horror) Oh no, are you OK?!
Teacher: (Creakily gets up from the floor while holding lower back; Students sit down again) That was very good, but we’re not finished.
Student: We’re not?
Teacher: Nope! I took it easy on you with that one by allowing you to use momentum to overcome my superior strength and then gravity to take care of the rest. Now, I want you to try using gravity to take me down from a standing, immobile position. (Stands straight with arms at sides)
Student: Uh, the moves don’t quite work like that in this position –
Teacher: I said “Take me down!”
(Student crouches low while moving in, uses a leg behind Teacher’s knee to make the latter’s leg buckle, and sweeps Teacher to the ground)
Students: (Stand as one and raise arms to cheer) YAAAAAAY!!!!
Student: (Helps Teacher stand up again) I’m so sorry – did you hit your head?!
Teacher: (Leans far back and swings from side-to-side to crack out everything) Nope – all good! (To Students as they sit down again) See? Again, gravity did most of the work in pulling my massively muscled body all the way down to the Earth that is continuously striving to merge with us!
Student: Umm….
Teacher: (To Student) Now! I’m going to climb on top of my desk, and you’re going to have to demonstrate how gravity will shove me off my perch and drive me into Earth’s unforgiving embrace.
Student: Do I have to?
Teacher: (Climbs onto the desk and stands on it) Yes!
Students: (Start banging their hands on their desks and stomping their feet on the floor) YAAAAAAY! YAAAAAAY! YAAAAAAY!
Student: (To Teacher, over the increasing noise) I don’t know – one or both of us could really get hurt this way!
Teacher: (Crouching on top of the desk) C’mon, you coward! Show me gravity!
(The classroom door suddenly flies open and Principal strides in; everyone else in the room freezes)
Principal: What on Earth is going on in here?! The entire school can hear this racket!
Teacher: (Stands up straight again) It’s OK; I’m demonstrating the force of gravity.
Principal: You’re what?! You teach English Language Arts!
Teacher: Well, how else am I supposed to get a bunch of pre-teens to appreciate the use of metaphor in Victorian literature?!
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