Story 333: The Wish of Unintended Consequences

            (In an office)

            Coworker 1: (Speaking on the desk phone) Wait a minute, you know there’s a grand total of two-and-a-half employees in this department doing the work of three people each; we’re already five years behind on the 50 projects you’ve dumped on us; and now you volunteered us to take on another one?!...  You know, I never realized until now that the human body can survive drowning for years – I’ve heard it’s pleasant if you don’t fight it though, so maybe I should just tell you to go – never mind, I’d like to keep my job and I like you as a person, ignore everything I said up until now, all my best, bye.  (Hangs up the phone and softly bangs head on the desk)

            Coworker 2: (Sitting at the next desk over) That doesn’t sound promising.

         Coworker 1: (Voice muffled by the desk) We have another new project, because we’re just so freaking awesome at what we do, I guess.  (Sits up and stares at the piles of papers flooding the desk) I wish I didn’t care about all this anymore, but I don’t want to be apathetic, either.  I guess what I really wish is that circumstances changed so we can catch up on all this mess.

            Coworker 2: OK.

          Coworker 1: Yeah, but who’m I kidding?  We just have to keep running in place up until the day our heart attacks hit, one by one.

            Coworker 2: No, I mean OK, you’ve got it.

            Coworker 1: Got what?

            Coworker 2: Your wish.

        Coworker 1: Ohhhh…kaaayyyy… so, what, you’re my personal genie now or something, heh-heh-heh?

          Coworker 2: If you like.  Sorry I never mentioned it earlier – I have a habit of forgetting about that.

            Coworker 1: Huh?

           Coworker 2: You also never made a real wish until now; one from the heart, that is.  The others were just fluff.

            Coworker 1: (Stares at Coworker 2 for a few moments) What?!

            Coworker 2: I go from place-to-place as I’m needed – and you seemed needy.

            Coworker 1: You’ve been at this office for almost 10 years!

          Coworker 2: Really?  Time sure does fly – I think that means I get an extra week’s vacation this year, sweet.

            Coworker 1: Hold on, are you saying that you can make what I just wished for actually happen?!  Like actually for reals and all that jazz?!

            Coworker 2: Yepperz.  But you’re not gonna like it.

          Coworker 1: I don’t care, do you hear me?!  I am at my wit’s end, everyone here is ready to pull what’s left of their hair out, my nerves are ready to literally explode, we can’t go on like this anymore, change something, anything, please!

            Coworker 2: Suit yourself.

            (Coworker 1 does a long blink and sees that Coworker 2 is gone)

           Coworker 1: (Whips head around, looks underneath the desks, and sits back up, frozen) Did I make them up this whole time?  (Desk phone rings; answers) Accounts Payable, how may I help you?... What do you mean, crisis?...  What?... How many people?... All projects cancelled?.... Well, sure I was going to the conference, you’re the one who told me to…. OK, all of them are cancelled, too…. How long do they have to stay home?... I guess we’ll be OK here, but the customers might…. Oh, they’re home, too…. Most businesses closed too, huh… Um, OK, I’ll wait to hear back from you…. No, I feel fine, how about you?... Yeah, you should probably get that checked out.  And for once in your life, wash your freakin’ hands!... OK, bye, boss.  (Hangs up and stares into space)

            Coworker 2: (Sits back down at the desk) Sorry I had to dash out there for a minute – allergies acting up again – what’d I miss?

            Coworker 1: Ummm, everything’s cancelled.  Everywhere.

            Coworker 2: I see.

          Coworker 1: All our projects are on hold and those of us left here can work on stuff we’re behind on.

            Coworker 2: Indeed.  Happy?

           Coworker 1: Of course I’m not happy!  You could’ve brought us more staff, or made the useless projects disappear, and instead you started a global disaster!

          Coworker 2: And how likely was it that either of the other two scenarios would happen?

           Coworker 1: Not very, but come on!

         Coworker 2: Told you you weren’t going to like it.  I believe your response was, “I don’t care.”

            Coworker 1: But you know what I meant!

           Coworker 2: (Sighs) You wish makers are all alike: I give you exactly what you want, and you still complain.