Thursday, February 15, 2018

Story 225: Retro Tech




            The Customer walked into the office and dropped a small disc onto the Representative’s desk.  The latter stared at it, then up at the Customer.
            “What the blazes is this?” she asked.
            “It’s a CD-ROM,” the Customer replied as she sat down uninvited on the only other chair in the room.  “I found it with a VHS tape that I had completely forgotten about, and it’s got a whole bunch of extra features from the movie I want to see but can’t because it won’t fit on my laptop’s disc drive.  Or any computer’s disc drive.  That’s where you come in.”
            The Representative gingerly picked up the disc.  “First off, how old is this?”
            “Um….”  The Customer looked up at the ceiling momentarily.  “It’s about 17 years.”
          The Representative would have done a spit-take if her coffee had been handy: “Seventeen years?!  Not days, not months, not even quarters?”
            “No, years – the movie’s held up pretty well, both in content and in format, but I still can’t believe it’s been around long enough that babies who were born then are now graduating high school.”
            “Yes, but really, 17 years?!  In the world of tech, you might as well have said ‘1776’!”
            “C’mon, it’s not that old – it was made in this century, for crying out loud!”
         “Same century, yes; same decade, no.”  The Representative tossed the disc back at the Customer, who let it land on the desk uncaught.  “At the rates things move, I’m surprised DVDs and Blu-rays are still hanging around!”
            “They wouldn’t be?  I just finished changing over all of my tapes!”
            “I’m not even going there.  Look,” the Representative said as she inched her chair closer to the desk; the Customer reflexively leaned in.  “New stuff’s being made every day, and the more you try to keep up the more gets left behind.  I mean, look at the 1900s: everyone was just getting used to the car when all of a sudden they could fly in the comfort of an armchair!  Could you imagine telling people from the beginning of that century that before they hit the next one they could instantaneously speak with someone on the other side of the planet as easy as if they were talking to someone in the next room?  Or that the plays they watched in the theater could be viewed in their own homes, repeatedly, with magical effects and surround sound?”
            “I think if you told them all that they would have locked you in the attic.”
            “You’re missing the point: if you have a piece of tech now, you’d better use it now because as sure as you’re sitting here, it’s going to become inaccessible in less than five years.  And I’m being generous in that estimate: two years is probably more accurate.”
          “Oh.”  The Customer picked up the disc to stare at it.  “So I’ll never get to see the extra features?”
            “Just go buy the DVD before that’s gone!”
            “It won’t have the same features and you know it!”
           “Fine.”  The Representative rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a small drive with cables that she then dropped onto the desk.  “Here.”
            “What’s this supposed to be?”
           “A CD-ROM adapter.  You plug it into your computer and pop the disc in.  It’s yours for $19.95, plus tax.”
            “Why didn’t you just give me this in the first place?!”
            “You needed to be taught a lesson on the evanescence of life.”

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Story 224: I Forgot to Wear Red Today


            “Don’t forget to wear red tomorrow.”
            “What’s tomorrow again?”
            “It’s Heart Health Month or something, so Corporate wants us all to wear red and they’ll take a group photo.  There’ll be cookies there, too, so more people show up.”
            “Sure, OK – I should have something red-ish lying around somewhere.”

THE NEXT DAY

            “Where’s your red?”
            “Shoot, I completely forgot!  When I picked out my clothes this morning it was so cold all I wanted was this really comfy sweater.”
            “Oh well, there’s always next year.”
            “Yes, but what about the photo?”
            “There’s almost 200 people working here; I doubt anyone’ll notice you’re not there.”
            “Yeah, but… you know….”
            “You want a cookie, don’t you.”
            “Yes!  And they won’t let you take an extra one for me, I just know it!”
            “Now that’s the spirit of this whole exercise.”

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

            “Psst.”
            “Huh?!  Oh, hey, why are you hanging out on top of my cubicle?”
            “You got an extra red shirt I could borrow?”
            “Heh-heh, you forgot?”
            “Clearly.”
            “Well then, I clearly wouldn’t randomly have an extra red shirt on me today, but I do have this red pen I never use that you can wear as flair.”
            “Forget it.”

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

            “Hi – you got a red scarf, or tie, or hat, or some other kind of accessory that I can borrow for the photo later?”
            “Really?  How could you have forgotten about that – we got all those memos and your manager even reminded you again yesterday!”
            “I don’t know, how could you have forgotten about your New Year’s resolution of spending more time with your kids?!”
            “Wow.  That was unnecessary.”
            “I am not myself today.”
            “It’s the cookie, isn’t it.”
            “…Maybe.”

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

            “Hey, would you miss those red suspenders if I appropriated them for about 10 minutes?”
            “My pants would, yes.”

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

            “Oh hi, you made it!  What are you wearing?”
            “It quite obviously is a maroon blazer.”
            “Made of taped-together construction paper?”
            “I don’t need to answer to you!”
            “Actually, you technically do.”
            FLASH!
            “Boy, that was great, I feel so part of a worthy cause, lives have been saved today because of me, now where’s the cookie set-up?”
            “Didn’t you get the e-mail earlier?  Corporate thought it would be a bit counter-message to serve sugary snacks when we’re supposed to be promoting healthy hearts, so they scrapped that whole deal last-minute.”
            “Oh.”
            “However, they did have these car magnets all made up – ”
            “Mine!”