Showing posts with label dvd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dvd. Show all posts

Thursday, August 25, 2022

Story 454: Creating a Fan-Favorite Franchise

            (Writer 1 sits at a kitchen table doodling in a notebook with one hand while propped up on the other; sighing, the latest doodle is “IDEA???????? L”.  Writer 2 suddenly enters the room and plops a stack of DVD covers on the table)

Writer 2: I’ve got it!  At last, I’ve got it!

Writer 1: (Straightens up in shock) Dude, I didn’t even hear the door open, how’d you get in here?!

Writer 2: We’re writing partners: our lives are forever one now.  (Pulls out a chair and sits)

Writer 1: Ummmmm….

Writer 2: So: want to hear my brilliant flash of genius?

Writer 1: (Resignedly tosses the pen aside and sits back) Sure, fine – anything would be more than the bupkis I’ve got lately.

Writer 2: Yes, we’ve both been in a bit of a dry spell since our trial-by-fire on the late-late-late-late night show –

Writer 1: (Shudders) I never want to think about that debacle ever again: it should’ve been our big break, but by the end if they hadn’t fired us I’d’ve quit.

Writer 2: The timing of that was unfortunate; however, it was a blessing in disguise in that it gave us – and by “us,” I mean “me” – time to come up with the brilliant flash of genius.

Writer 1: Oh yes, all that time to spend all my lack of money on all my bills.  And the flash of genius is…?

Writer 2: We write our own show!

Writer 1: That’s literally been the plan this whole time.  Bupkis has been the result!

Writer 2: Sorry, let me rephrase that: we write our own hit show!

Writer 2: Well yeah, everyone wants a hit show.  Reality interferes.

Writer 2: Yes, but the ones who do write a hit show basically stumble onto it by accident with talented writing and wonderful actors and fantastic cinematography and inspired music and whatever – to my knowledge, no one has actually cracked the code for deliberately creating a hit show.  Until now.

Writer 1: (Rubs tired eyes) Let me guess, you?

Writer 2: How’d you know?

Writer 1: What?!  Just – go ahead and tell me what you so cleverly deduced.

Writer 2: Gladly.  (Holds up one of the DVD covers) Remember this series?

Writer 1: Who doesn’t?

Writer 2: (Sets that down and holds up another cover) Uh-huh – and this?

Writer 1: Hated it, but yes.

Writer 2: (Sets that down and holds up another cover) And this?

Writer 1: Never even looked at my spec script for a Season 3 episode, so definitely yeah.

Writer 2: (Sets that down and holds up another cover) And, the ultimate in recent television classics, this?

Writer 1: Overrated, but yes.

Writer 2: “Overra – ”?  This was a piece of PURE ARTISTRY!

Writer 1: Artistry, pretension, tomato, to – mah- to.

Writer 2: (Through gritted teeth) Agree to disagree.  (Gently sets down the cover and straightens the newly created pile) The point is, these all contain elements of a magic formula that, when executed properly, creates that most coveted item of all in the entertainment industry.

Writer 1: Money?

Writer 2: Well, obviously, that’s the endgame – what leads to infinite amounts of that is the coveted item: Fan Obsession.

Writer 1: (Sits up straighter) Go on.

Writer 2: The strategy is simple: all we need to do is, take the best elements of these series – (Waves hands over the pile) and, um….

Writer 1: (Nods) Steal.

Writer 2: Pay homage to what makes them work so well.  If we combine enough of them and throw in one or two actual original ideas, no one will even notice the rip-offs!

Writer 1: Uh-huh.  (Starts casually sorting through the covers) And that’s it, huh?  Instant hit?

Writer 2: We-ell, that’s best-case-scenario.  We might have “Cult Favorite” status at first and nearly get cancelled several times, but the most important part is to capture fan devotion immediately.  They will be the ones powering this machine long-term, and once the studio realizes our work is at least a decade’s-long franchise they’ll practically throw the money at us.

Writer 1: (Gnaws lip) I don’t know – it sounds great in theory, but being too dependent on the fans to keep… whatever this’ll be, going, just means down the road we’ll have to start doing fan-service stories and classify the scripts as Top Secret and film misleading scenes and fake storylines and actually talk to them at conventions, and by the time the finale rolls around they’ll hate everything we do, turn on us, and curse our names.

Writer 2: Not necessarily, and even so it’ll be too late by then – we’ll already have the money!

Writer 1: You make an excellent point.

Writer 2: Great!  (Picks up Writer 1 by the elbows and tosses the latter onto the living room couch) Now, your job is to watch or rewatch all these hit shows and take lots and lots of notes – we’ll compare when you’re done.  (Brings in the DVDs, Writer 1’s notepad, and the pen, and tosses them onto the couch) These are only Season 1s, so let me know as you finish and I’ll keep supplying you with the rest.

Writer 1: But – but – but that’ll take me years!

Writer 2: (On the way out) Better start now!

 SIX MONTHS LATER

(Writer 1 and Writer 2 are seated at a park bench)

Writer 2: See!  I knew you were exaggerating.

Writer 1: (Face is pallid and there are bags under the eyes) This is the first day I’ve breathed the outdoor air in… what year is it?

Writer 2: Doesn’t matter – what are your findings?

Writer 1: (Shakily takes out a notepad that has writing all over the pages, including the margins) OK, common elements I found in each hit series….

Writer 2: Yes?

Writer 1: Number one: Grit.

Writer 2: Huh?

Writer 1: The material.  It’s gritty.  Extreme violence, rampant drug use, relatives who lethally hate each other, way too much sex that does absolutely nothing to advance the plot, exploitation of mental illness, showcasing the worst of humanity with no real suggestions for improvement –

Writer 2: Yes-yes-yes, I’ve already got all that – what else?

Writer 1: (Flips a page on the notepad) Lots of cursing.  As in, so many f-bombs.

Writer 2: Goes without saying.

Writer 1: (Drags a finger down the page) It either needs to be snowing all the time or over 100° Fahrenheit, but that can change from season-to-season or even mid-season.

Writer 2: Good, didn’t catch that one.

Writer 1: That also means we need to film on location.

Writer 2: Such as…?

Writer 1: All of them.  More as the budget increases.

Writer 2: (Nods) Yeah, that’ll finally get me my trip to Fiji, sweet.

Writer 1: (Flips another page) The leads at least have to be gorgeous – everyone else can be, you know, average-looking.

Writer 2: (Dismissively waves hand) That’s down the road – we’ll give notes to the casting director.

Writer 1: Hiring a big name ties into that, then.

Writer 2: About that: it goes against my instincts, but try not to write with anyone particular in mind, in case they’re not available or really don’t want to be in this; the whole concept’ll be ruined if we base it on someone who winds up not being there.

Writer 1: (Squeezes in a note on the crowded page) Gotcha.  OK, ummm…. (Flips another page) Ooh: there has to be a mystery introduced in the pilot that even we don’t know the answer to, but we’ll have 10 years to figure it out.  Maybe.

Writer 2: I did have something similar.  (Pulls out a notepad and flips through the pages) Ah yes: basically, get them hooked in Episode 1 on something that’ll be brought up sporadically throughout the series, then either never resolve it or resolve it in a way that leaves it as a problem for one or multiple spin-off series.

Writer 1: Didn’t even consider the possibility of spin-offs; intriguing.

Writer 2: Well, we are developing a franchise here: it can’t just end with the series finale, that’s too finite.

Writer 1: Makes sense.  What else you got?

Writer 2: Oh, let’s see…. (Flips a page) You’ll like this: two-to-three romantic pairings and/or triangles dragged out for years and years.  The fan fiction possibilities will be astronomical.

Writer 1: (Squeezes in more notes) Excellent point – fan fiction is the best-kept secret ingredient to franchise longevity.

Writer 2: I know, and I love reading the especially smutty ones with random pairings I never even thought of! 

Writer 1: I’d say you’re strange, but who am I to judge?

Writer 2: Exactly.  Well, I think we’re off to a good start here – want to get into actually writing the thing now or let this digest for a few more months?

Writer 1: Quick question: audience-wise, you want to gear this toward the 14-and-up bracket or Mature Audiences?

Writer 2: What do you think?

Writer 1: (Writes on the notepad) Mature Audiences it is.

ELEVEN YEARS LATER

(On a beach, Writer 1 and Writer 2 relax in lounge chairs watching the ocean as the sun gloriously sets in front of them)

Writer 1: You know, from here, I can almost not hear the masses typing how much we ruined our own show.

Writer 2: You knew the deal going in: in exchange for their love at the beginning, the fans eventually turn that love into hatred at the end.

Writer 1: Never quite prepared when it happens, though.

Writer 2: (Uses feet to play with the sand a bit) To be fair, I suppose character assassinating all their favorites and making multi-season struggles come to absolutely nothing when we blew up the entire fictional planet in the last frame of the series was a bit much on our part.

Writer 1: Yeah – guess we went a little overboard there.  I was so focused on the other hit shows’ beginnings and prime years that I forgot to pay closer attention to the few endings people were sort-of happy with.

Writer 2: I share the blame in that as well.  Typical fatal flaw of success: not knowing how to end a good thing.

Writer 1: Hm.  (Stares at the crashing ocean waves for a few moments before turning back to Writer 2) We should write a satisfying ending before starting our next hit series, then.

Writer 2: Waaaaay ahead of you.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Story 238: Rent-a-Cuddler



            The Escort knocked on the motel room door and braced himself for the evening’s client to answer.  Maybe it’s not too late to go back to law school, he thought.  Nah, I made the right decision: higher ed’s a scam anyway.
            The door was opened by a woman wearing sweats, slipper socks, and loosely tied-back hair; the hand not holding the door was holding a glass of water.
          “I’m sorry, I have the wrong room,” the Escort said as he cursed himself for not double-checking the room number before he got there, again.
            “Are you from ------?” the woman asked.
            “…Yes?”
            “No mistake – come on in!”  She held the door open wider; he hesitated half a second before entering, noting all exits and anything in reach that could be used as a weapon in addition to his own personal stash.
            Since the unit was an efficiency, there was a kitchen where the Client then headed.  “Want something to drink?”
            Absolutely not.  “I’m good, thanks.”  He racked his brains for the most diplomatic way to redirect the conversation.  “So, any place in mind you’d like me to take you out to first?”
            She popped her head around the kitchen/living room/bedroom wall.  “Oh, I forgot to mention this would be a staying-in night.  You mind?”
            Do I have a choice?  “Not at all.”  He took off his jacket and began to unbutton his shirt.
          The Client chuckled.  “No need for that!”  She re-entered the multi-purpose room carrying a bowl of popcorn.  “I specifically requested someone who is good at cuddling, and that’s all.”
            He froze.  “I was told ‘snuggling.’”
            “There’s a difference?”
            “A bit.”
            She set the popcorn onto the end of one of the twin beds, grabbed a tote bag off of a chair, and began to take DVDs out of it.  “Sorry if there was a miscommunication; I’ll throw in extra if you’re disappointed – ”
            Quite the opposite.  “Not necessary: just let me know what you’d like me to do, I’m here for you.”
            “Aw, that’s sweet,” she said, tossing the bag aside.  “All righty then: so you don’t have to fake being interested for two hours, do you like… sci-fi?”  She held up a DVD.  “Or…mystery?”  She held up another.  “Or… action/thriller?”  Another.  “Or…sci-fi/mystery?”  Another.  “Or… documentary?”  She held up the last with the others.  “You’ll notice there are no chick flicks, dramas disguised as comedies, or depressing disaster films included in the selection – I want you to enjoy yourself.”
            Wow, that’s… nice.  And confusing.  “Umm, any of them would be great.”
            “Oh come on, seriously, which one would you want to see?  Or I can check Pay-Per-View?”
           No extra charges!  “Don’t, please; umm, let’s see.”  He ran his hand over the titles she still was holding, then pointed to the sci-fi/mystery.  “I’ve actually been wanting to see that one – I missed it in the theater.”
            “So did I!  Great minds, huh?”  She laughed as she put the other movies back into the bag and put that DVD into the player.  As it went to the main menu, she grabbed several blankets and pillows from the beds and arranged them on the floor; he helped in order to have something to do.  “Is this too low to watch?  I figured the bed would be too far away.”
            “No, this is fine.”  He sat down on the floor next to her.  “Want me to hold your hand?”
            “Maybe later.”  She held out the popcorn bowl to him.  “Want some?”
            Good thing I had dinner earlier.  “Thanks.”  He waited until she also ate some at the same time, just to be sure.
            She started the movie, then asked: “Ooh, want me to turn off the lights?”
            “Sure, if you like.”
            “I don’t mind either way; I’m asking if you want them off.”
Really?  If she’s so emotionally-starved, why am I the one being pampered?  “Actually, the TV’s glare in a dark room kind of bothers my eyes; doesn’t happened in a movie theater, though, and I have no idea why.”
“On the lights stay, then!  Ooh, that’s great when they open the action with an explosion.”
“Yeah, maybe that’s the mystery part of this one.”
About half an hour later, during a scene with no dialogue, she turned to him: “Mind if we cuddle a bit now?  I’m bummed out that they just killed off the main character.”
“Definitely.”  He set aside the nearly-empty popcorn bowl and put his arm around her shoulders; she settled in comfortably and sighed.  “Want me to massage your back, too?”
“Nope – this is good.”
Some time later, they both flinched as another planet was blown up.
“Wow, I’m glad I didn’t spend $15 to see this in the theater,” she said.  “I’m getting depressed with all this futuristic nihilism.”
“Yeah,” he nodded in sympathy.  “That’s why I’ve only been going to the bargain nights lately – it hurts less when the movie’s a letdown.” 
She looked up at him.  “Want me to put on something else?”
“Nah, we’ve invested so much time in it, we have to see how it ends.”
“Yeah.  Could you hold my hand now, please?”
“Of course.”
They spent the rest of the movie gently holding hands, with the occasional tear coursing down their faces.
By the end, they were starting to fall asleep but the discordantly happy music playing over the credits jolted them awake.  The Client then sat up and rubbed her eyes.
“Well, that genre classification was a bit misleading,” she said mid-yawn and mid-stretch.  “The mystery was solved in the first act and the only thing sci-fi about it was the angst was in outer space.”
The Escort stifled his own yawn.  “Yeah, I’ve noticed that happens sometimes – I think they didn’t know what genre they could file it under and picked the closest ones they could think of.”  His phone vibrated to unobtrusively remind him of the time.  “Well, we have about 10 minutes left – ”
“That’s fine, I’m all good now,” she said as she collected the DVD, bowl, pillows, and blankets; he tried to help but only increased the mess.  “You don’t have to stay for the whole time – you’ve been great.”
“Seriously?  I really didn’t do anything.”
“I told you, I only wanted to cuddle.  You were perfect.”
“You know, if everyone was like you, I’d almost be tempted to do this for free.”