(Friend 1 is lounging on the couch, reading a magazine featuring scandalous misdemeanors, when the phone rings)
Friend 1: Hi, what’s up?
Friend 2: (Working on a laptop at home) Hey, I’m trying to order the Manly Men concert tickets and the first hundred rows are already sold out!
Friend 1: Bummer. How long ago’d they go on sale?
Friend 2: About two minutes!
Friend 1: What?
Friend 2: The best seats I can get right now are in the middle of the second upper mezzanine – no, wait, those are gone, too….
Friend 1: Just pick any seats and bill me later – at this point I don’t care where we sit as long as the price is not pushing $1,000 and the view is neither partially nor fully obstructed.
Friend 2: (Clicking the mouse wildly) OK, OK, I think I got something halfway decent, and now it’s counting down for me to enter payment or they’ll release the seats again, ooh, the pressure!
Friend 1: I’m hanging up so you can concentrate – text me my total. (Disconnects the call and reimmerses in the magazine) Hm, thought that dude just wanted to land on Mars; didn’t realize they wanted to relocate it….
THE NEXT DAY
(Friend 1 and Friend 2 meet at a café for lunch)
Friend 2: Sooo, I managed to snag seats in the last row left orchestra – I apologize in advance if the only reason those were available is because everyone else knows they’re the worst.
Friend 1: I don’t really care – it’ll be nice having no one directly behind us screaming in our ears, and an easy exit to boot. Maybe we can sneak out during the last encore and beat the crowds –
Friend 2: ABSOLUTELY NOT! (Friend 1’s eyes widen) Sorry – this is my one obsession in life.
Friend 1: You’re allowed.
Friend 2: You get my text with your share?
Friend 1: Oh yeah – (Looks at the cell phone) You want check or cash?
Friend 2: Can’t you just transfer it to my account?
Friend 1: Please: you’re lucky I even have a smartphone. Check or cash is all I do, unless you take a credit card.
Friend 2: I’m not a business so, no. Check is fine.
Friend 1: Great! I’ll have it next time I see you.
THE NEXT TIME THEY SEE EACH OTHER
(On a park trail)
Friend 2: – and then I said, “Just because you messed up the project, how is this now my problem?”, and then –
Friend 1: (Stops short on the trail) Oh, shoot!
Friend 2: (Also stops, looking around quickly) What, what? Is it deer hunting season already?
Friend 1: No, I just remembered I had the check all ready for you and I forgot to bring it with me!
Friend 2: The check? Oh, for the concert ticket?
Friend 1: Yes! It’s still sitting on the kitchen counter, where I left it so I wouldn’t forget it!
Friend 2: No big deal; you can give it to me later.
Friend 1: It’s dated for today!
Friend 2: So? I’m given 90 days to deposit it, or the funds go back into your account anyway.
Friend 1: But it feels all wrong.
Friend 2: You’ve got a lot of hang-ups.
THE NEXT TIME THEY SEE EACH OTHER
(At an amusement park, Friend 1 and Friend 2 stand on line for a roller coaster)
Friend 1: This ride’d better be worth it – my line-waiting limit is two hours.
Friend 2: You’re generous: we’ve been here for a quarter of that and I’m two seconds away from marching over to that stand and demanding a lemonade.
Friend 1: I refuse to throw away time invested – uh-oh.
Friend 2: What?
Friend 1: I just realized I left the check on the kitchen counter again!
Friend 2: Oh, that? Just get it on the way home tonight.
Friend 1: But I picked you up! We’d have to go past your place to mine and then back again!
Friend 2: All right, then leave it for next time, it’ll keep.
Friend 1: Arrgggghhhhh….
Amusement Park Employee: Sorry folks, ride’s gotta shut down for repairs.
Friend 1: Aaaaahhhhh!!!!
Friend 2: Drama queen.
THE NIGHT OF THE CONCERT
(Friend 2 arrives at Friend 1’s apartment)
Friend 1: (Opens the door and holds out a check) Aha! I’ve got it! I’ve been holding this for the past three hours so I’d actually have it on me when I saw you! And the timing couldn’t have been better since the show’s tonight – !
Friend 2: (Snatches the check and shoves Friend 1 out the door) That’s great, let’s go, I want to see my Men!
THE NEXT TIME THEY SEE EACH OTHER
(At a lake, Friend 1 and Friend 2 are kayaking leisurely)
Friend 1: You know, I’m not their biggest fan, but I do admire their vocals and choreography.
Friend 2: Uh-huh.
Friend 1: And they have excellent stamina for their… well, you know… none of us are getting any younger, am-I-right?
Friend 2: Uh-huh.
Friend 1: (Turns back slightly to see Friend 2, also turning the kayak slightly) What’s up? I thought you had a great time that night.
Friend 2: Huh? Oh, I did, it was a blast, I’ll never forget it.
Friend 1: But…?
Friend 2: Uh, well, you remember that whole thing with the check for you ticket?
Friend 1: Yes, and I still feel the burning shame about the horrendous –
Friend 2: Yeah-yeah-yeah – I guess what I’ve been wondering about is, does your bank penalize your account for, I don’t know, a stop payment request for a check?
Friend 1: (Flatly) …Why.
Friend 2: I think I lost it.
