Story 321: The Curse of the Pay-It-Forward

            The children gathered around the Wizened Figure sitting in front of the fireplace – it was the only consistently warm place in the entire house.

            “Tell us a story,” one child cutely demanded as the group sat in a semicircle on the floor.

            “Needy little tyrant, aren’t we?” the Wizened Figure chuckled affectionately.

            “Please tell us a story.”

            “Yeah, a ghost story!”

            “Wrong holiday, kid,” Wizened Figure said.

           “No, you can tell ghost stories this time of year – that guy did it in A Christmas Carol,” an almost-teen pointed out.

            “And there’s even a line about it in ‘It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” another not-quite-teen said.

            “Really?”  Wizened Figure pondered this.  “Oh yeah, there is – how’d that even become a thing?”

            The children chorused: “Pleeeeease tell us a ghost story, pleeeeease!!!”

         Wizened Figure shifted in the armchair to a more comfortable position.  “All right, you weirdos.  I don’t have a ghost story per se, though – this actually is a story about a curse.”

            “What kind of curse?” a young `un chimed in.

           “It’s in the title.”  Wizened Figure leaned in menacingly: “‘The Curse of the Pay-It-Forward.’”

            “Oooooooooohhhhhh….”

            “And most important: everything you are about to hear is TRUE.”

            “Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh….”

           “It all began back when I was in the prime of my youth, full of life and ready to take on the world….”

TWO DAYS EARLIER

            I was doing some last-minute shopping in the city for both Christmas and Hanukkah presents, and everywhere I went, there everyone else was, too.

            (Scenes of Wizened Figure now as Younger Figure struggling through the crowds on the city streets, then struggling through the crowds in the stores, then struggling through the crowds on the city streets again, carrying overloaded bags)

            Of course, it didn’t help that it was cold and raining – if we have to freeze, can’t we at least have some pretty snow to look at while we’re turning into ice?

            (Younger Figure is drenched in gallons of water splashed by passing cars)

          I was in the last store of the night, nearly finished with my mental list of gifts – I forget someone every year, but usually they’re OK with a belated present and I have yet to repeat a forgotten person.

           (Younger Figure is at a checkout counter, handing over items to the cashier and watching the digits on the register increase)

          At that point, I was looking forward to being home within the next hour-and-a-half, skipping dinner, changing into flannel pajamas, and going straight to sleep.  Before I could do that, though, the cashier gave me my unspeakable total, and I started counting out the cash.

            Younger Figure: (Counts bills and change, then counts them again) Wait a minute….

            Cashier: (Starting to get antsy) Yeah, just another dollar.

          Younger Figure: Um…. (Starts going through wallet again) OK, I have this – (Begins taking out dimes) I have this –

           Cashier: It’s OK if you get close enough: we have extra change left over here.  (Shakes a small container at Younger Figure, rattling the coins inside)

            Younger Figure: No-no, I have this – (Starts taking out pennies) I am not charging a dollar on my credit card – I have this –

            All of a sudden, an angel appeared.

            (The customer behind Younger Figure holds out a dollar)

            Customer: Here you go.

            Younger Figure: (Shakes head frantically) No-no, I have this –

            Other Customers in Line: Just take the dollar!

            Customer: In the spirit of the season.

           In my moment of weakness, I hesitated – then, they said the dreaded words that haunt me still:

            Customer: You can pay it forward. 

(Unseasonable lighting flashes and thunder crashes)

To this day, I will never forget the sight of my trembling hand taking the dollar bill in shame and then giving it to the exhausted cashier who could finally ring me up.

Younger Figure: (To Customer and Cashier) Thank you so much – I really never do this.

Why does that always sound like a lie?  Anyway, we all wished each other “Happy Holidays” and I ran out of there with my face burning in annoyance.

(On a bus, Younger Figure takes up two seats surrounded by all the shopping bags and is talking on a phone)

Younger Figure: No, I had enough money with me, I had almost counted it out in change if they’d just given me another 30 seconds, you know how impatient everyone is this time of year, and I would've had more money with me if I had just gone to the ATM before that store instead of saving it for after, and I also would’ve had enough if I had just bought the one box of brownie mix for work like I’d planned instead of two because the sign said they were two for $5 so I thought then I’d be spending less on each but really I spent more because I really only needed one, plus I remembered half an hour after the whole thing that someone had given me a gift card at work today that I’d stuck in my pocket so I could’ve even used that and just paid myself back later, and now I made myself look like I’m someone who can’t manage their own money and needs strangers to bail them out of a mess they got themselves into, and the worst part about it is the whole thing was completely avoidable if I'd just managed my own money better!  (Listens) ….Yes I’m going to let this bother me all night!

As time went on, though, the aggravation gave way to the horrible realization: I now owed a debt, a debt of $1.00, and I had to find a way to PAY IT FORWARD, else be burdened forever.  My first stop was the church’s poor box.

Altar Server: Doesn’t count.

Younger Figure: (Hand holding a dollar is hovered over the box) Huh?

Altar Server: You have to give it in the spur of the moment to help someone else out.  Plus you should be donating to this thing regularly, and I can tell you never do.

I tried to give it to one of my coworkers.

Coworker: What am I going to do with a dollar?

Younger Figure: I dunno, coffee?  Can you still get coffee for a dollar?

Coworkers: Depends on where you get it.  And no, this’d mean now I’d have to pay it forward, and who needs that headache?

Younger Figure: Ingrate.

I tried street corner Santa Clauses; I tried school sports teams canning outside stores; I tried our building’s mail carrier – not one of them were willing to release me from the curse and take it on themselves.  I even tried not telling people what it was for, but they wouldn’t be fooled.

Younger Figure: (Holding out a dollar bill to a little old lady) Here, revered elder: accept this token of my admiration for your incredible endurance in this adventure called Life.

Little Old Lady: That’s a pay-it-forward dollar, isn’t it?

Younger Figure: No-o….

Little Old Lady: I’m too old for that garbage – find some other sap to take that thing on!

And so I wander the Earth, cursed with the burden of a good deed I can never repay, doomed to seek out a recipient for this terrible gift, given with the best of intentions but resulting in the most horrific of fates….

            The children stared in rapture at the storyteller.

           “So,” Wizened Figure’s focus returned from inward to outward, “was that scary enough for this joyous holiday season?”  The children nodded in half-excitement, half-terror.  “Good.  On an unrelated note,” Wizened Figure said while reaching into a pants pocket, “seeing as you all have been such good listeners, I have a brand-new, fresh-off-the-mint, nice-smelling dollar bill for one lucky youngster here – ” looks up after pulling out the bill to see the rug is now empty of children, “aaaaand they all left.”

           An adult cousin who had been standing in a nearby corner the whole time sauntered over.  “No worries – I’ll take that thing off your hands, if you like.”

         Wizened Figure’s eyes began tearing.  “Really?  You mean you would… free me from this curse, at long last?”

           “Sure.  Spirit of the season, right?”  The adult cousin held out a hand.

          Wizened Figure reverently placed the dollar bill onto the outstretched palm.  “Oh bless you, bless you, bless you for your sacrifice!”

           The cousin shoved the bill into a jeans pocket.  “No biggie: I don’t believe in pay-it-forward, so this all means nothing to me.  Even a dollar pretty much means nothing to me, but hey, money’s money.”

            Wizened Figure’s jaw dropped open.  “But – but – but – the curse!”

            “Also means nothing to me.  Guess that’s a perk of being a jerk, who knew?”