OCTOBER 26
(At Sibling 1’s apartment, there is a knock on the hallway door)
Sibling 1: (Trotting to answer the door in excitement) Ooh, here it is, here it is – ! (Unlocks the door and opens it to reveal Sibling 2) Oh. It’s just you.
Sibling 2: Who else would it be?
Sibling 1: I’m actually expecting a very important package that should delivered at any moment.
Sibling 2: Ah. More – (Air quotes) “vintage collectible vehicles” that are really toy cars?
Sibling 1: (Embarrassed defiance) Yes.
Sibling 2: You know nobody hand delivers packages anymore; they just leave it on the ground and run for their lives, in some cases literally.
Sibling 1: Maybe not if they knew it was vintage.
Sibling 2: Whatever: can I come in now or what?
Sibling 1: Oh, sorry. (Stands aside to let in Sibling 2, then closes and locks the door behind them) Got carried away with the conversation there.
Sibling 2: I hear ya.
(They go into the living room and flop onto opposite ends of the couch)
Sibling 1: Oh, where are my manners? (Very formally) Would you like something to drink?
Sibling 2: No thank you, Host; I just came over to give you this. (Hands Sibling 1 an envelope)
Sibling 1: Money?
Sibling 2: Better.
Sibling 1: Crypto?
Sibling 2: That’s not better.
Sibling 1: A star in the heavens?
Sibling 2: Would you stop guessing and just open it?!
Sibling 1: Okey-dokey. (Opens the envelope and reads the form inside, then gasps in excited shock) You got us tickets to stay at the Winchester Mystery House® on Halloween night?!
Sibling 2: Well, sort of.
Sibling 1: This is amazing! I can’t believe you were even able to get these, and are paying for us to fly all the way to San Jose to do it!
Sibling 2: Um, first of all: I never would pay for your plane ticket; and secondly: this isn’t in San Jose.
Sibling 1: But that’s where the house is. (Gasps again) Did the ghosts relocate it?!
Sibling 2: No, this is a semi-replica of the house that someone did locally. I saw it online and it caught my eye; since I don’t know when we’d ever get a chance the see the real one and the price was decent, I figured “Why not?” It’s probably an unlicensed knock-off, but I’ll send a donation to the actual house or some nonprofit and call it even.
Sibling 1: (Reading more from the form) “Overnight stay… self-guided tour… guaranteed ghost sightings….” (To Sibling 2) This all sounds great!
Sibling 2: You sure? I know it’s basically a cheap imitation of the actual estate and it’s nowhere near as big, but the photos and descriptions seemed to have the highlights, and reviews weren’t too bad. It’s also not too well-known so we’ll have the whole place to ourselves and not have to deal with unpredictable fellow customers.
Sibling 1: Hey, as long as it’s got the staircases and doors to nowhere, it’ll more than meet my expectations. (Briefly hugs Sibling 2) Thank you so much, this is the best gift ever, and it’s not even my birthday!
Sibling 2: Aw, you’re welcome, kiddo. It beats having to deal with trick-or-treaters that night.
Sibling 1: Especially since I never got around to buying any candy for them.
HALLOWEEN
(Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 drive up to a sprawling mansion as dusk gathers and an occasional wind carries the sound of hammering with it; a sign planted in front of the building reads “The Winchester Mystery House® Experience – Enter If You Dare!”)
Sibling 1: (As both exit the car carrying overnight bags and lean back to look up at the mansion) This is so cool – I mean, it’s definitely much smaller, but they even got the inconsistent architecture right. (Points to an upper wing in glee) Ooh, ooh, I think that’s one of the doors to nowhere!
Sibling 2: I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough when we fall out of it – come on.
(They walk up to the front door and Sibling 2 takes out a piece of paper with a code to enter on the electronic lock; once unlocked, they enter the large, dark, and echoing house and drop their bags by the front door)
Sibling 1: (Cups hands around mouth) Helllllllloooooooo?????
Sibling 2: (Locks the door behind them) There’d better not be anyone else here.
Sibling 1: Just trying to let the ghosts know we’ve arrived; it’s good manners.
Sibling 2: I know I’ve mentioned this before, but aside from me not believing in them to begin with, the whole ghost part of this experience is a tad exploitative of the family’s tragedy, doncha think?
Sibling 1: Then why’d you get us tickets to come here in the first place?
Sibling 2: Because you always wanted to go, and this one’s not even the real house so the only ghosts we’ll be seeing will be animatronic, optical, plastic, or some combination of those, with a few pre-recorded howls and screams tossed in for good measure.
Sibling 1: Oh. I was kinda hoping to see Sarah Winchester.
Sibling 2: That’s ghoulish – let her rest in peace, and unless she and any other spirits actually did remain on this mortal plane and decided to travel cross-country, you’ll have to settle for your nowhere stairs or whatever they are.
Sibling 1: Ooh, yes, thanks for reminding me, I wanna see those right away! (Starts to run for the main staircase and is grabbed by the shirt collar and yanked back by Sibling 2)
Sibling 2: Just a second – we need some lights in here, and it seems our hosts have left us instructions.
(At a small table near the entrance, there are two electric candles, a stack of papers, a map, a ring of keys, and two handheld cassette tape players)
Sibling 2: (Turns on the candles, hands one to Sibling 1, and uses the other to locate a light switch on the walls but finds none) Great, I guess it’s batteries, flames, or nothing.
Sibling 1: (Holds the candle underneath the chin to cast an eerie light) The original house had electricity and even indoor plumbing, but we get the old-timey experience, wooooooo!
Sibling 2: Did the original house also have an electronic lock on the front door?
Sibling 1: (Lowers the candle) Perhaps they could’ve at least sprung for solar-powered lights, then.
Sibling 2: Yeah. (Hands the map and a cassette player to Sibling 1 and starts to read the papers) “Welcome, Guests, to ‘The Winchester Mystery House® Experience’! This is a parody; any resemblance to the actual Winchester Mystery House® is not intentional”…? (Frowns in confusion)
Sibling 1: (Playing with the cassette tape) Skip all that and get to the good stuff!
Sibling 2: (Shakes head to clear it and skips ahead) Yadda, yadda, yadda; blah, blah, blah – OK, here we go: “The map is your guide, so keep it with you always – ” (Widens eyes and speaks in a spooky voice to Sibling 1) “or you may become lost in the house – FOREVER!”
Sibling 1: (Giggles) So exciting.
Sibling 2: (Smiles and reads more) “You may roam where you wish, but beware the North-Northwest Wing – ” ooh, must be good – “ and watch your step, for who knows where the many rooms and halls and stairs of the house may take you!”
Sibling 1: (Bounces up and down slightly) Oh my gosh, this is almost too much!
Sibling 2: Heh, yeah – “For your own safety and for liability purposes, please obey any signage you may see as covered in the waiver you signed – ” Skip! (Flips through several pages) “Dinner and breakfast are in the icebox in the kitchen; if there is an emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately – ”
Sibling 1: (Weaving the candle through the air to make figure eights of the afterglow) Bo-ring!
Sibling 2: OK, you’ll like this part: “Don’t disturb the ghosts, but they may disturb you!” Mwahahaha!
Sibling 1: (Stops weaving the candle) Cool.
Sibling 2: “Enjoy your stay, and please leave a review on www. – ” (Tosses the papers back onto the table) I think that covers everything; wanna go explore now?
Sibling 1: YES! (Grabs the key ring and checks the map) Let’s go upstairs and work our way down! (Runs up the main staircase)
Sibling 2: (Grabs the other cassette player and follows at a slower pace) Fine by me.
(Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 make their way up to the multi-leveled third floor and check the map again; the sound of hammering has gotten louder)
Sibling 1: That’s weird: it doesn’t say where the North-Northwest Wing is.
Sibling 2: Probably because we’re not supposed to go there.
Sibling 1: No, they just said to beware of it, which is a clear invitation to go there first.
Sibling 2: Hm. Maybe the audio tour’ll help. (Presses “Play” on the cassette player)
Voice on Tape: Welcome to "The Winchester Mystery House® Experience.” In 1884, Sarah Winchester –
Sibling 2: (Presses “Stop”) Well that’ll take forever – there isn’t even a way to fast-forward to specific sections of the house if you’re just wandering around.
Sibling 1: Guess we’d have to tour the house in the order they recorded this; maybe I’ll listen to it tomorrow.
Sibling 2: Check-out’s at 10 a.m.
Sibling 1: Wow. For something that doesn’t get a lot of visitors, they certainly don’t waste any time shooing us out. So! (Holds up the map) North-Northwest Wing, North-Northwest Wing… is it our west or actual west?
Sibling 2: I’m guessing our west, since we’re going to it from inside the house.
Sibling 1: Huh, maybe…. (Passes by a window and sees a construction worker hammering on the roof of a nearby wing) Whoa, how authentic!
Sibling 2: (Peers out the window next to Sibling 1) What, that they’re running tours out of place that’s half-built? Sounds about right.
Sibling 1: No-no-no, I mean this is part of the whole Winchester House’s history: Sarah Winchester kept having rooms built all the time, day and night, to appease the spirits of the victims of the Winchester rifles. That’s what she spent the family fortune on: a never-ending quest for peace.
Sibling 2: Mm. Yeah, 24/7 construction sounds like a nightmare.
Sibling 1: (Opening the window) Lemme ask –
Sibling 2: (Trying to stop the window from opening) Aw, leave ‘em alone –
Sibling 1: (To Construction Worker 1) Good sir! (Construction Worker 1 stops hammering and looks up at Sibling 1) Would you be so kind as to direct us to the North-Northwest Wing?
Construction Worker 1: (Points to another wing) It be that way, but beware –
Sibling 2: (While closing the window) Oh, we’ll be waring our hearts out all over this place, thank-you! (To Sibling 1) Let’s go and stop bothering the employees, OK?
Sibling 1: I’m sure they just love to help souls in need.
Sibling 2: I bet they do.
Sibling 1: (As they start walking where they were directed) Fantastic: even the clothes were 1800s-style....
(They tread carefully through the darkening house as the sun sets and night descends; a hallway turns to a staircase that ends abruptly at the ceiling when they climb it)
Sibling 1: Yes! One of the staircases that lead to nowhere, at last!
Sibling 2: Neat. We probably should go back down then, huh?
Sibling 1: Yeah – we’ll have to stop by here again in the morning though; I can barely see anything with this candle.
Sibling 2: Right. (Takes out a cell phone, turns on the flashlight feature, and hands it to Sibling 1) Here.
Sibling 1: Thanks, but won’t it drain your battery?
Sibling 2: It will, but I really don’t want to go back outside tonight to get the flashlight from the car, and we can use your phone if we have to.
Sibling 1: (Taps forehead with the phone) Always thinking.
(They eventually arrive at the North-Northwest Wing, which starts with a long corridor)
Sibling 1: Oooooohhhhhh, even the hallway looks haunted. (Creaking sounds are heard overhead; Sibling 1 ducks slightly) What was that?! Are the ghosts afoot?!
Sibling 2: My guess is rats are afeet – wanna start actually exploring some of the rooms?
Sibling 1: Oh! Yeah, I got so thrown off with finding this section that I almost forgot that part. (Holds the key ring up to the light, flicks through the keys, and reads the labels) “Guest Room 1” – “Guest Room 2” – “Guest Bathroom” – “East Wing Library” –
Sibling 2: Allow me. (Grabs the key ring and goes through the keys faster as Sibling 2 holds up the light, then groups together several of the keys) Here we go: North-Northwest Wing Rooms. One says “Music Room”, so that sounds promising.
Sibling 1: (Holds that key as Sibling 2 hands over the ring) A ghostly Beethoven, playing an afterlife sonata.
Sibling 2: Sure.
(They walk down the corridor slowly, hearing noises as they get closer to the door labelled “Music Room”)
Sibling 1: (Whispering) I think the ghosts are inside!
Sibling 2: (Also whispering) OK, just take a deep breath and try not to faint, please – I don’t want to have to carry you four-and-a-half floors back downstairs.
(As they approach the door, muffled voices are heard, along with a single piano note)
Sibling 1: (Still whispering) This is it! Ghostly music!
Sibling 2: (Still whispering) Great, great, so open the door – (Mutters) let’s see what I paid for.
(Sibling 1 slowly puts the key into the lock, slowly turns it, and puts one hand on the doorknob)
Sibling 1: (Mouths) 1 – 2 – 3!
(Sibling 1 shoves the door open to reveal several construction workers lounging about in comfy chairs and at a grand piano)
Sibling 2: …Hi.
Construction Worker 2: Hello.
Sibling 1: Is… this the Music Room?
Construction Worker 2: `Twill be once we’re done building it. (Gestures to the partially finished walls) Then, `twill be demolished and built anew, like all the others.
Construction Workers: (Sadly) Aye.
Construction Worker 2: For now though, we use it as a break room. (Holds out glasses to Sibling 1 and Sibling 2) Sherry?
Sibling 2: (Grabs Sibling 1 as the latter reaches for a glass) No thank you, so sorry to have disturbed you, please enjoy your break, and… keep up the good work! (They close and lock the door behind them)
Construction Worker 2: (Sighs) Oh, we will. Forever.
Construction Workers: Aye. (Piano note)
(Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 run back down the corridor and out of the North-Northwest Wing, stopping at a staircase to a lower level)
Sibling 2: I didn’t realize there’d be a whole bunch of people actually working while we were staying here! And taking breaks wherever! We were supposed to have the place to ourselves!
Sibling 1: I told you, it’s part of the authenticity!
Sibling 2: Yeah, but where else are they gonna be working, in the bathrooms? (Gasps) In the bedrooms?!
Sibling 1: We’ll find out! In the meantime, I’m hungry – let’s have dinner.
Sibling 2: Yeah, good idea.
(They use the map to go back downstairs to the first floor and find the kitchen, opening the door to reveal several construction workers building a rack to hold pots in the middle of the room)
Sibling 2: Oh great – I mean, good evening.
Construction Workers: (Briefly pausing) Good evening.
Construction Worker 3: Looking for the ice box?
Sibling 2: Yes please.
Construction Worker 3: (Gestures with a hammer to the far wall) Over there – mind your step.
Sibling 2: Thanks.
(Both tiptoe around construction workers and tools, grab packaged dinners out of the ice box, and begin to exit through another door to the dining room)
Construction Worker 3: (Pops up from the project) Oh, beware –
Sibling 1: (Turns around eagerly) YES?!
Construction Worker 3: A crew is rebuilding the table and chairs in there right now, so `twill be tricky when you sit for your meal.
Sibling 2: (Pushes open the door slightly to reveal hammering, sawing, and sanding; allows the door to close again) We’ll take these upstairs, thank you.
Construction Worker 3: Suit yourselves. (Returns to levelling the rack)
(Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 grab their overnight bags near the front door and use the map to find the Guest Rooms; in that corridor, they gingerly step around more construction and workers spread throughout, the activity and noise increasing in volume the closer they get to the rooms. At the one labelled “Guest Room 1”, they use the matching key to enter and then close and lock the door behind them)
Sibling 2: (As they drop their bags to the floor and set up the dinners on the bed) Well, at least it’s slightly quieter in here.
Sibling 1: Hm – you think they’ll work all night long, like the real ones did?
Sibling 2: I certainly hope not; I’d like to get some sleep to-
(A loud MOAN is heard from behind the closed closet door; Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 hug each other in terror)
Sibling 1: (Whispering frantically) What was that?! Is that the ghost?! Is the haunting finally happening?!
Sibling 2: (Releases Sibling 1 and shakes head in irritation) No – (Another MOAN is heard and Sibling 2 jumps in shock) ahem – no, but I’m sure gonna find out what it is.
Sibling 1: (Hands the cell phone light to Sibling 2) Be careful! Don’t let the ghost possess your body and terrorize the living!
Sibling 2: There’s no such thing as – never mind.
(Another MOAN is heard; Sibling 2 braces for impact, then flings open the closet door)
Construction Worker 4: (Turns around from working on an exposed pipe in the back wall) Oh, hello.
Sibling 2: OK: get out.
Construction Worker 4: But I was told to get this done tonight.
Sibling 2: It can wait 15 hours – (Points to the hall door) begone.
Construction Worker 4: (Gathers tools and starts to leave as Sibling 2 unlocks the door) The missus will not be pleased to hear of this.
Sibling 2: Then give me her number, I’ll tell her myself!
Construction Worker 4: (Stops in confusion) What number?
Sibling 2: OUT! (Relocks the door after Construction Worker 4 leaves in a hurry; there are agitated voices in the corridor, and then the hammering, sawing, and sanding increase in volume even more; Sibling 2 collapses onto the bed and stares at the continually creaking ceiling) Mind if I bunk with you tonight? I really don’t want to go back out into that hallway while they’re still… working.
Sibling 1: Sure! It’ll be fun, and we can tell each other Halloween scary stories all night long!
Sibling 2: (Smiles softly) Yeah, it’ll be fun.
Sibling 1: (Starts eating the prepared dinner) Just one question: didn’t you pay for two rooms?
Sibling 2: Right
now, I’d pay for everybody to leave.
NOVEMBER 1
(Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 exit the front door with their overnight bags, resetting the electronic lock while construction workers regularly pass by with different-sized ladders)
Sibling 1: (As they walk around gardeners on their way to the car) Well, I had a great time!
Sibling 2: Glad one of us did. My review of this place will be a bit harsh, so you may want to help me temper the wording before I submit it.
Sibling 1: Of course! I just think it was awesome we finally got to explore almost-the-real-house, and we saw so many ghosts here!
Sibling 2: (Freezes, then laughs) Wait, you don’t think all these – (Waves a hand at the construction workers busily remodeling and replanting around the house) are actually ghosts, right? They’re just contractors. Probably illegally overworked, for all they annoyed me.
Sibling 1: No, they’re the ghosts – see? (Holds out the papers that had been on the front table) “All noncorporeal entities that you witness are on technically unauthorized ‘loan’ from the Winchester Mystery House®, in order to heighten the experience – they will vanish upon guests’ check-out.”
Sibling 2: (Takes the papers and reads them, then snorts in disbelief) Yeah, and if you believe that – (Suddenly looks up as all construction sounds cease; no construction worker is in sight, anywhere) What...? Where…? Who…?
Sibling 1: (Checks watch) 10:00, on the dot! (Slaps Sibling 2 on the shoulder) This was the best Halloween ever – thanks! (Gets into the car’s passenger seat)
Sibling 2: (Still staring at the now-empty house) …Does it count as a haunting if I didn’t realize it was happening at the time?
No comments:
Post a Comment