(Friend 1 drives with Friend 2 to a state park on a sunny Sunday morning)
Friend 1: You’re gonna love it: woods, streams, swamps, rocks and tree roots to trip over, steep paths that are nearly vertical – it’s a great workout.
Friend 2: Yeah, I’ll try it out but I’m warning you now, I may not be able to keep up if the trail gets too… challenging.
Friend 1: No worries! I knew you weren’t ready for the – ahem – experienced black diamond trail yet, so I’m taking you on the wimpy green circle one instead.
Friend 2: Gee, thanks, you’re a pal.
Friend 1: (Slams on the brakes at the parking lot entrance) What is this?!
Friend 2: What, is it closed?
Friend 1: Don’t sound so eager – (Points to a sign) they’re making the hikers park all the way over at the lake today! Guess this tiny-tiny lot can’t handle all the people who’re suddenly coming here on the weekend. (Cars behind them blast their horns) All right, all right, you’d’ve stopped too if you were the one who was first! (Speeds through several winding roads to reach the lake parking lot)
Friend 2: So, what, we just loop around to the back end of the trail from here?
Friend 1: (As they park and then exit the car) I guess; I don’t know, I’ve never had to park here to get on the trails before, I’m all discombobulated!
Friend 2: Calm down; what does the map say?
Friend 1: Huh? Oh right. (Whips out a park map and turns it around several times) The lake’s here, so we’re here – no, we’re facing it from here, but the playground is on our right, but on here it looks like it’s on our left – (Keeps turning the map around until Friend 2 snatches it)
Friend 2: Well, a trail starts on the other side of the lake, so we probably should follow those people heading over there on the right and see if we can pick it up from that point.
Friend 1: (Snatches the map back and studies it some more) Never follow some randos on a hike: they’re never going where you want to be, and they leave their litter and unleashed dogs just everywhere.
Friend 2: Now you know that’s not true –
Friend 1: AHA! (Draws a finger around the lake on the map) If we go that way on the left, it’ll loop around to the trail no problem! Let’s go. (Strides purposefully to loop around the left side of the lake)
Friend 2: (Stares wistfully at the scattered groups of people on the right side of the lake, then mutters while following Friend 1) Can always turn around....
(They walk on the path for a few minutes until they reach a picnic area)
Friend 1: (Looks at the map) Hm, this must be new; the only picnic area this is showing around here should either be behind us or on the other side.
Friend 2: (Points at an icon) Is it that site way over there?
Friend 1: No, that’s too far away – we’re over here. (Points to a different spot)
Friend 2: (Looks at the lake and cars passing by on a nearby road, then points at the map again) Seems like we’re more over here and the trail we want starts way over there –
Friend 1: No sense of direction – onward we go! (Starts ascending a steep and craggy hill)
Friend 2: You sure about that? Doesn’t seem like that’s an official path.
Friend 1: Get used to it, `cause there’re tons like this all over – it’s called Nature.
Friend 2: Whatever.
Friend 1: Don’t think I don’t know what you mean by that. And as long as we have the lake in sight, were on the right track, trust me! Trailhead should be here any minute!
(They climb up, then down, then up, then down, then – )
Friend 2: We’re circling around the other side of the lake now, you know.
Friend 1: (Looks out at the lake, back at their progress, down at the map, turning it on its side, then back at the lake again) Yep: trailhead should be here any minute!
Friend 2: <Sigh>
(They climb up, then down, then up, then down, then – )
Friend 2: (At the top of a root-riddled hill that Friend 1 had leapt down) I’m not certain this is an actual path meant for human beings!
Friend 1: Oh come on, how else are we supposed to get to the trailhead?! The rangers obviously cleared it for use, look! (Sweeps arm above the dirt trail)
Friend 2: For goat use, maybe! And I’m starting to get tired – I don’t think I can get down there without injury.
Friend 1: Fine, if you can’t jump it just hold onto the tree and scootch your way down! Either way, we are not turning around and going back the way we came, do you hear me?!
Friend 2: Unfortunately yes. And you can call 911 when I break something. (Gingerly steps and slips down the hill while holding onto tree trunks)
Friend 1: There: that wasn’t so bad, now was it?
Friend 2: I almost fell three times!
Friend 1: The balance comes with practice.
(They continue around the other side of the lake and emerge into a sandy clearing: from there, they see other hikers who are coming from the parking lot go around the right side of the lake to where a set of stairs lead into the woods. Friend 1 follows them to a large display that features a map and holds the paper map up against that)
Friend 1: Oh, I see! We were parked closer to the other side of the lake, so we should’ve come up this way instead and taken those stairs to a cut-through to the trailhead! (Friend 2 grabs the paper map and whacks Friend 1 with it) I deserve that.
(They continue along the cut-through path, Friend 2 getting slower and slower)
Friend 1: (Breathes deeply) Ah, the wetlands air is so invigorating!
Friend 2: (Stops to drink mightily from a water bottle) It’s having the opposite effect on me at the moment.
Friend 1: (Places an arm around Friend 2’s shoulders) Isn’t this great, though? The sense of adventure, without any of the risk of having to blaze a trail ourselves? Ooh, watch your step.
(Friend 2 almost drops several feet as the elevation abruptly shifts again)
Friend 2: I thought you said this was the wimpy trail?!
Friend 1: It will be: this is just a cut-through to get to it from the lake side. Looks pretty new, too – I think my map may be a bit out-of-date.
Friend 2: <Grinds teeth>
(They finally arrive at another large wooden display)
Friend 1: Yes! Success!
Friend 2: (Drooping and gasping for air) What is it? Did we reach the parking lot again?
Friend 1: Don’t be silly, that’s in the completely opposite direction! (Spreads arms wide towards the display) This is it!
Friend 2: “It?”
Friend 1: (Turns to Friend 2) The trailhead! We made it, at last! Our hike can finally begin! (Friend 2 slumps over to a nearby bench and tips forward to lie down on it; Friend 1 lowers arms and turns back to the display) Right: give you a minute.
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