(Friends 1 and 2 sit at an outdoor table in 75°F weather; Friend 1 pushes food around the plate with a fork while sighing in various pitches)
Friend 2: (Continues to eat while watching this for a few minutes) You’d better eat that eventually or I’m gonna find someone who will.
Friend 1: Hm? Oh, sorry – just having a minor life-altering existential crisis; I’ll be fine in a minute.
Friend 2: I dread to ask: what now?
Friend 1: I don’t know, everything?
Friend 2: You’re going to have to narrow it down a little.
Friend 1: I guess it’s just, I’m not, you know – in the spirit of the season.
Friend 2: Join the club: everyone else isn’t this year either, or else they’re trying to fake it `til they make it.
Friend 1: Oh. I didn’t mean that – I’ve felt this way for years.
Friend 2: Ah, so this is just normal for you, then.
Friend 1: Yeah. You know we haven’t even had real snow for about half a decade?
Friend 2: Don’t get me started on the climate – I’ll never stop.
Friend 1: Yeah, you do go on. But coming back to my thing, I’ve found in my so-called adult life that I’m rarely in the spirit of any season, ever.
Friend 2: How do you mean?
Friend 1: Well, right now I’m bummed out by night starting at 4:30 in the afternoon and the occasional bouts of polar winds, so I wish we could jump ahead to late spring and midsummer.
Friend 2: OK….
Friend 1: And then when it is late spring and midsummer, I don’t do anything anyway so then I wish it were sort-of-winter again so I can pretend to hibernate while I’m really just indulging my sedentary lifestyle.
Friend 2: …What?
Friend 1: I mean, isn’t it so cozy to curl up with a blanket and hot drink while a blizzard roars right outside your window?
Friend 2: I guess, if you have a good home, but didn’t you just say we don’t really get snow anymore?
Friend 1: My midsummer mind forgets that.
Friend 2: Oh good gourd.
Friend 1: And while we’re roasting in the hot sun and can’t even go out because it’s either oven temperatures or all the good beaches and amusement parks are filled with everyone else in the world, I just wish: wouldn’t it be nice to bundle up for a brisk walk in the snowy woods followed by a good curl-up with a blanket and hot drink while a blizzard roars outside your window?
Friend 2: My head’s spinning with your repetitiveness – why don’t you forget the blizzard and just go bundle up for a walk now?
Friend 1: (Holds up a leg) I’m wearing shorts! In Northern-Hemisphere December!
Friend 2: All right, forget the bundle-up: how about stop allowing the seasons to dictate your mood and do whatever you want whenever you want? As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, that is.
Friend 1: (Taps a fry to lip while pondering) You make an excellent point.
Friend 2: I know I do. Now let’s pay the bill and get out of here – there’re about 50 people hovering over there waiting for a table.
Friend 1: They can have it when I’m good and finished. For now, I’ll take your advice and live in the moment: tomorrow, I’ll finally fulfill my lifelong dream and go for advanced surfing lessons.
Friend 2: Oh-kay, didn’t realize you were going to go in that direction....
Friend 1: It’s like you said: I should stop letting the weather dictate my mood. This balmy Winter Solstice, I will be riding the waves and grilling dinner out on the balcony and drinking lemonade and creeping around miniature golf courses, and no store decorations or holiday carolers or religious institutions or consumerist commercials or well-meaning charities will stop my new happiness!
Friend 2: That’s the spirit.
No comments:
Post a Comment