(On a Sunday morning, Friend 1 wakes up in bed, turn slowly to a clock on the lamp table, and sees that the time reads 7:37 a.m.)
Friend 1: (Turns
slowly back) Errrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh….
(Tries to fall back asleep and fails; turns back to the clock and sees
that it reads 7:41 a.m.) Ugggggghhhhhh!!!!
The one morning a week that I can sleep in, and sleep has run away from
me! (Grabs a book from the lamp table and
reads angrily) I refuse to get out of this bed before 9 a.m. on my day off!
10:30 A.M.
(Friend 1 sets aside a bowl of cereal on the lamp table to answer the ringing cell phone)
Friend 1: (Swallowing cereal) Helloooooo?
Friend 2: (Voice on the phone) Hey – I didn’t wake you, did I?
Friend 1: (Laughs guiltily) No, please, it’s… (Glances at the clock and cringes) so late in the morning, I’d better be up by now or else I’d be a lazy, lazy slacker with no meaning in life.
Friend 2: You’re eating breakfast in bed, aren’t you.
Friend 1: Yes. (Collapses back onto the pillows) My shame knows no depths and I’m filled with self-loathing.
Friend 2: Calm down: there’s nothing wrong with sleeping in a bit and relaxing on your day off.
Friend 1: So says the person who, I can almost guarantee, has run five miles and cooked a week’s worth of meals by now.
Friend 2: ….
Friend 1: ….
Friend 2: …Regardless, everyone’s entitled to a hurkle-durkle now and then; it’s a good way to recharge the ol’ batteries.
Friend 1: (Sits up straighter) A what-in-the-what-now?
Friend 2: Hurkle-durkle. It’s a Scottish term from hundreds of years ago that’s become all the rage now, and basically means lying in bed after you’d usually get up, and doing practically nothing. Well, you’re eating and probably reading, but the point is, you’re lounging about and relaxing, not doing chores or working or stressing yourself out like you usually do.
Friend 1: Really? You don’t judge me as a lazy lump with no ambition or purpose, then?
Friend 2: Not for this. (Friend 1 double-takes) A lie-in every so often never hurt anybody. Been thinking about doing it myself lately, but I feel like I’d have to schedule it and that kind of defeats the point.
Friend 1: Way to rub your meaningful life in my face.
Friend 2: Hey, don’t blame your inadequacy on anyone but yourself.
Friend 1: Sorry. So, my Sunday morning sloth is actually a good thing, huh?
Friend 2: Well, to a point. You’ll need to get out of bed some time and start moving, or else this goes from hurkle-durkling to bed rotting.
Friend 1: Does bed rot lead to bed sores?
Friend 2: Extremely likely.
Friend 1: I’ll keep that in mind – you’ve been a big help, bye! (Ends the call, drops the phone onto a pillow, and grabs the bowl of cereal and the book to resume relaxation until the phone rings again; Friend 1 taps the answer and the speaker buttons with a pinky) What, you’re interrupting my hurkling-durkling!
Friend 2: It’s hurkle-durkling – never mind; I actually had called you in the first place to ask if you’re going to our 20th High School Reunion next month since the date’s finally been finalized.
Friend 1: (Freezes mid-chew) Oh. That.
Friend 2: Yeah, it should be fun to see everyone again, right?
Friend 1: (Makes a face while swallowing) Oh yeah, I can’t wait to rub my inadequacy in their faces, it’ll be a blast!
Friend 2: You’re getting tiresome: I doubt you’d be the only person there dissatisfied with the way their life turned out.
Friend 1: (Sets the bowl and book down on the quilt) I know, but I’d be the only person there who couldn’t hide it.
Friend 2: I’ll need you to keep me company anyway: I can’t spend all night floating from group to group and then looking for a table to join like it’s the cafeteria on the first day of school all over again, that’s the worst!
Friend 1: Sorry to disappoint, but I already have plans to hurkle-durkle that night instead.
Friend 2: What?! You don’t even know what date it is yet!
Friend 1: Too late: whatever date it is, my plans to hurkle the durkle are set in stone.
Friend 2: And another thing: you can only do that in the morning!
Friend 1: Oh really? Show me the rule that says it, then!
Friend 2: There aren’t rules –
Friend 1: HA!
Friend 2: The whole thing is just to not get up right away after a full round of sleep! The party is before sleeping!
Friend 1: Well maybe I refuse to adhere to tradition and instead will revolutionize the movement with my long-needed forward-thinking concepts!
Friend 2: You weren’t even aware this thing existed until 10 minutes ago.
Friend 1: And clearly, I am the savior its followers have been waiting for!
Friend 2: Whatever: I’ll send you the details and pick you up that night; just wear anything but pajamas and you’ll be fine, bye. (Ends the call)
Friend 1: (Lets
the phone fall back onto the pillow, stares as the mess on the bed, sighs
full-bodiedly, flings off the covers, and gets out of bed, grumbling) And just
like that, the magic has run away from me, too.
