(In
an office)
Coworker
1: (Answers a ringing desk phone) Accounts Payable, how can I help you?... Oh
hi, how are you?... Yeah, I sent that to you last week so you could get started….
(Grinding teeth) Uh-huh…. Well, there’s a lot going on here, too…. (Grinding
teeth harder) OK-let-me-get-back-to-you-on-that-bye. (Gently replaces the receiver, then places
both hands on the desk to push onto the unyielding surface)
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmf!
Coworker
2: (Not looking up from working on a computer at a nearby desk) Bad news? Sounds like you’re keeping yourself from pouring
out cusses.
Coworker
1: (Slowly tears a blank piece of paper to shreds) I am serene – (Tear) I am in
control of my emotions – (Tear) they do not control me – (Tear-tear-tear)
Coworker
2: Does that really work? I’m thinking
about trying it. (Coworker 1 tears the
rest of the paper in a frenzy) Guess not.
Coworker
1: You know, I already have too much to do, why do I have to do someone else’s work
now?
Coworker
2: Someone’s dumping their stuff onto you?
Coworker
1: Yeah, I sent them our monthly numbers so they could put them into their
presentation – like they always do – but now, all of a sudden it’s “Oh,
I’m really busy with X, Y, and Z going on, would you mind also doing the slides
for me this time, please?” Yes I very
well would mind, I’m busy with A, B, and C going on! But now if I say “No, you do it!”, as
I should, I’m going to sound like I’m whining and people’ll say I’m being
difficult and not a team player and I’m just so mad!
Coworker
2: That you are, in more ways than one.
Coworker
1: Ha, ha – any suggestions on what I should do, then? I want payback.
Coworker
2: (Finally looks over) I think… you should do it.
Coworker
1: Traitor.
Coworker
2: You misunderstand: do it, and then they’ll owe you.
Coworker
1: How so? I’m the one who’s
stuck doing it, and they probably won’t care just as long as they don’t have to
do it.
Coworker
2: Yes, but if make them know how much of a favor you’re doing, you’ll have a
hold over them. They’ll constantly be
looking for ways to pay you back, trust me.
Coworker
1: I doubt it; they’re more likely to just forget it and go on with their life.
Coworker
2: Don’t let them forget it. E-mail is a
wonderful passive-aggressive tool: use it well and often.
Coworker
1: Ooh. This may just work.
ONE WEEK LATER
Coworker
2: – so I could take early retirement, but then I’d lose almost three years of
complaining about work.
Coworker
1: Good point. (Phone rings) `Scuse me –
(Picks up the receiver) Accounts Payable, how may I help you?... Oh, hello….
(Turns to Coworker 2 and mouths “It’s them”; Coworker 2 mouths “Go for it”) Why
yes, it took me quite a bit of time to get it all done, so I hope the slides
were good enough for your presentation…. Oh, you’re quite welcome – listen, I
hate to cut you off, but I’m the middle of trying to generate a report on this
quarter’s returns and it’s taking me forever…. Oh, would you? (Turns to Coworker 2; both nod at each other)
Well, that would certainly be a huge help; I know you’re much better
with this software than I am; thank you so much!.... OK, bye-bye! (Hangs up) Sweet. I hate doing that report.
Coworker
2: You’re welcome. Of course, now you
two are even and you can’t get any more work out of them, unless they pull
something similar again.
Coworker
1: Oh no, you’re right! This means I’ll just
have to go around doing favors for everyone here so one day they’ll be doing
all of my work for me, hee-hee-hee!
(Looks at Coworker 2 slyly; the latter is back to working on the
computer) So, got any projects you have absolutely no time for?
Coworker
2: Nothing doing – I’m still working off what I owe across three departments.
