(Committee
meeting in a board room)
Chair:
Yes, I think we have wasted far too many words on this subject and I move that
it should be tabled until the end of time – anyone second that?
Member
1: Wait, I want to make a motion on –
Chair:
Motion denied.
Member
1: But you don’t know what it is yet.
Chair:
I will address the Committee: by a show of hands, are there any members present
who care? (No one looks up) Motion fails
to pass.
Member
1: Aw, my motions always fail to pass.
Chair:
Returning to the original motion: second?
(Several hands raise) All in favor?
(All hands raise) Motion passes; let the minutes reflect that this
Committee will never raise the issue of that abomination again. Now, the next item on the agenda is: should
this Committee allocate funds for the upcoming event that none of us went to
last year?
Member
2: I think you just answered that question right there.
(The
board room door bursts open to reveal Horror Movie Villain: a hulking behemoth
of a monster man who just stands there)
Chair:
(To the administrative assistant) Gladys, I thought I told you not to invite
anyone for presentations this month! Did
you mess up the agenda again?!
Gladys:
(Frantically searching through piles of paper) But I didn’t – I told them not
to – this isn’t fair – !
Chair:
(To Horror Movie Villain) Well, it can’t be helped now. Please take a seat.
Horror
Movie Villain: (Speaks from the depths of Hell) Your soulssss… are mine….
Chair:
You can ask questions at the end.
(Gestures to Member 3, who pulls out a rolling chair from against the
wall behind Horror Movie Villain so that it hits the latter in the back of the
knees, forcing him to sit heavily on it) Now, let’s see. (Reads from a form in a packet) So you’re the
sales rep with the landscaping vendor, correct?
Horror
Movie Villain: Desolationnnn….
Chair:
Gladys, please give him a glass of water.
(Gladys hands Horror Movie Villain a glass of water; he stares at it)
Remind me what your company’s bid is again?
Horror
Movie Villain: (Rattling breath) Flamesssss… ice…..
Chair:
(Flips through the packet) No, I don’t see that – ah! Here it is; yes, we actually did reach a
consensus last meeting that the amount needs to be under- and not over-budget
this time: would your company be willing to revise its proposal?
Horror
Movie Villain: (Looks at the Committee Members, still holding the glass)
Burnnnn….
Chair:
I don’t think it’ll come to that; perhaps if you reduced your estimate by 10%?
Member
1: I’d like to make a motion to completely reject this company on the grounds
that their sales rep appears to be a literal demon.
Chair:
Strike that from the minutes! And you’ve
surpassed your quota of motions for the year.
Member
1: There’s no such thing in parliamentary procedure! You’re always trying to stifle my
departmental voice on this Committee!
Horror
Movie Villain: (Stands slowly) Ruinnnn… torment….
Chair:
Yes, I think we all agree – Gladys, please show the rep out and make sure the
front desk validates his parking.
(Gladys takes the glass from his hand as she takes him by the elbow and
guides him out the door) So that issue will have to be tabled until the next
meeting when more information is forwarded to us for review. (Gladys re-enters) Oh yes, I just realized
that we can’t continue if you’re not here to take minutes…. Everything all right?
Gladys:
(Looking at a piece of paper she is holding) He gave me this thing that says
“One-Way Ticket to the Underworld,” and then he jumped into a fiery portal that
just opened in the wall. It’s gone now.
Chair:
Oh good, I was afraid he wanted us to call him back.
