Story 266: Corralling the Cub Scouts

            (In a restaurant, there is a gathering of servers)

            Leader: All right gang, eyes on me.  (Several in the group wander off) I said “Eyes on me!”  (They snap to) Now: we have quite a pancake breakfast crowd this morning and they’re all here to donate to a good cause, so we absolutely need to be at the top of our game today.  That means no lollygagging when seating people, no tomfoolery when getting their orders, and no dilly-dallying when clearing their tables.  You with me, people?!  (Blank stares, and one starts to cry)  I am surrounded by amateurs.

            Scoutmaster: (Briskly walks towards the group) Listen up, Tigers, Wolves, Bears, Webelos, and whatnots, it’s showtime!  Remember what we talked about at our last meeting, and go out there and take care of your guests!

            Leader: I’ve just now been giving them a firm but fair pep talk, sir!

            Scoutmaster: That’s great – why don’t you go with your mother and start seating people?

            Leader: Aye-aye!

           (The guests arrive at all sorts of staggered times, even though the event notice clearly stated “8:00 a.m.”)

            Leader: (To a table of two) Are you ready to order?

            Guest 1: Oh yes, I would like the T-bone steak please, heh-heh.

           Leader: I’m sorry, but they only have the pancakes and sides listed on the voucher.

            Guest 1: Oh shucks, heh-heh, guess I’ll have those and a coffee.

            Leader: (To Guest 2) Are you ready to order?

           Guest 2: If there’s only one item on the menu, we don’t really need to order.  (Leader blinks) I’ll have the same.

            Guest 1: Ooh!  Could I also have some milk?

            Leader: Let me check for you.  (Surreptitiously places a “Difficult” sticker on the edge of the table)

            (Later on)

           Leader: (To another Cub Scout) Stop banging those mugs together, they’ll break!  (To another) Did you seat those people hovering around the door yet?

            Cub Scout 1: Uh.....

            Leader: Never mind!  I’ll do it!  (On the way to the front of the restaurant, grabs another Cub Scout’s tie) You!  Have you been clearing tables as people finish?

            Cub Scout 2: Uh….

           Leader: Because there are one-two-three-four-all the tables as far the eye can see filled with empty plates and empty glasses!  Now get a move on!  (Releases the tie and approaches the family standing by the front door) Hello – three?

            Guest 3: Yes, please.

            Leader: Follow me, please.  (Leads them to an empty booth) Please have a seat.

            Guest 4: He’s so cute!  What is he, 8 going on 40?

            Leader: (After they are settled) Are you ready to order now?

            Guest 5: Why yes, I’d like a mimosa.  (The three chuckle)

         Leader: Sorry, we are not serving alcohol at this event – just orange juice, coffee, and apparently milk on request.

            Guest 3: We’ll all have orange juice, please

          Guest 4: Yes, and pancakes too, if it’s not too much trouble.  (Winks exaggeratedly)

            Leader: It’s not – pancakes are the only item on the menu anyway.  (Hustles out the orders to them with several assistants) Here you go!  Anything else?

            Guest 5: Just the check, please.  (The three chuckle again)

          Leader: You actually already paid; may I have the vouchers?  (The three hand them over) Thank you – have a great day! 

Guest 4: He’s so cute!

(Leader conducts a sweep of the area and spins in a circle seeing the dirty place settings all over several tables)

Leader: What is this madness?!

        Assistant Cubmaster: Honey, why don’t you sit down for a few minutes and have some breakfast?

            Leader: But Mom, I am the only one supervising 20 tables and they’re all covered in absolute filth!  I can’t work under these conditions, I just can’t!

            Scoutmaster: Hey everyone, Santa Claus is here!

            Leader: The man himself!  (Joins the rush to see The Right Jolly Old Elf)

            (After the initial scrum has subsided)

           Leader: Oh no, I’ve completely lost track of my tables!  (Runs to each) Do you need to order?!  Do you need to order?!  Do you need to – ?!

            Guest 6: We’re actually the pre-lunch crowd, kid; I think your event’s wrapping up.

          Leader: What?!  Our guests left without completing the surveys I gave them to rate their experience?!

            Guest 6: I see management in your future.