(In
a restaurant, there is a gathering of servers)
Leader:
All right gang, eyes on me. (Several in
the group wander off) I said “Eyes on me!”
(They snap to) Now: we have quite a pancake breakfast crowd this morning
and they’re all here to donate to a good cause, so we absolutely need to be at
the top of our game today. That means no
lollygagging when seating people, no tomfoolery when getting their orders, and no
dilly-dallying when clearing their tables.
You with me, people?! (Blank
stares, and one starts to cry) I am
surrounded by amateurs.
Scoutmaster:
(Briskly walks towards the group) Listen up, Tigers, Wolves, Bears, Webelos,
and whatnots, it’s showtime! Remember
what we talked about at our last meeting, and go out there and take care of
your guests!
Leader:
I’ve just now been giving them a firm but fair pep talk, sir!
Scoutmaster:
That’s great – why don’t you go with your mother and start seating people?
Leader:
Aye-aye!
(The
guests arrive at all sorts of staggered times, even though the event notice
clearly stated “8:00 a.m.”)
Leader:
(To a table of two) Are you ready to order?
Guest
1: Oh yes, I would like the T-bone steak please, heh-heh.
Leader:
I’m sorry, but they only have the pancakes and sides listed on the voucher.
Guest
1: Oh shucks, heh-heh, guess I’ll have those and a coffee.
Leader:
(To Guest 2) Are you ready to order?
Guest
2: If there’s only one item on the menu, we don’t really need to order. (Leader blinks) I’ll have the same.
Guest
1: Ooh! Could I also have some milk?
Leader:
Let me check for you. (Surreptitiously
places a “Difficult” sticker on the edge of the table)
(Later
on)
Leader:
(To another Cub Scout) Stop banging those mugs together, they’ll break! (To another) Did you seat those people
hovering around the door yet?
Cub
Scout 1: Uh.....
Leader:
Never mind! I’ll do it! (On the way to the front of the restaurant,
grabs another Cub Scout’s tie) You! Have
you been clearing tables as people finish?
Cub
Scout 2: Uh….
Leader:
Because there are one-two-three-four-all the tables as far the eye can
see filled with empty plates and empty glasses!
Now get a move on! (Releases the
tie and approaches the family standing by the front door) Hello – three?
Guest
3: Yes, please.
Leader:
Follow me, please. (Leads them to an
empty booth) Please have a seat.
Guest
4: He’s so cute! What is he, 8 going on
40?
Leader:
(After they are settled) Are you ready to order now?
Guest
5: Why yes, I’d like a mimosa. (The
three chuckle)
Leader:
Sorry, we are not serving alcohol at this event – just orange juice, coffee, and apparently milk on request.
Guest
3: We’ll all have orange juice, please
Guest
4: Yes, and pancakes too, if it’s not too much trouble. (Winks exaggeratedly)
Leader:
It’s not – pancakes are the only item on the menu anyway. (Hustles out the orders to them with several
assistants) Here you go! Anything else?
Guest
5: Just the check, please. (The three
chuckle again)
Leader:
You actually already paid; may I have the vouchers? (The three hand them over) Thank you – have a
great day!
Guest 4: He’s so
cute!
(Leader conducts
a sweep of the area and spins in a circle seeing the dirty place settings all over several
tables)
Leader: What is
this madness?!
Assistant
Cubmaster: Honey, why don’t you sit down for a few minutes and have some
breakfast?
Leader:
But Mom, I am the only one supervising 20 tables and they’re all covered in
absolute filth! I can’t work under these
conditions, I just can’t!
Scoutmaster:
Hey everyone, Santa Claus is here!
Leader:
The man himself! (Joins the rush to see
The Right Jolly Old Elf)
(After
the initial scrum has subsided)
Leader:
Oh no, I’ve completely lost track of my tables!
(Runs to each) Do you need to order?!
Do you need to order?! Do you
need to – ?!
Guest
6: We’re actually the pre-lunch crowd, kid; I think your event’s wrapping up.
Leader:
What?! Our guests left without
completing the surveys I gave them to rate their experience?!
Guest
6: I see management in your future.
