Story 211: Crashing an Outdoor Wedding

(Only partially inspired by actual events :-))

            (Scene: Chairs and decorations are arranged for a lovely wedding ceremony in a lovely park.  Ushers at the entrance of the main aisle hand out programs)

            Usher: Here you go.

            Guest: Does it matter which side I sit on?

            Usher: Nah, nobody cares about that – just not the front row, unless you happen to be a parent of one of the guests of honor, heh-heh.

            Guest: I am.

            Usher: Oh.  Front row, sorry, they just grabbed me to hand these out, I didn’t know what I was signing up for!

            Guest: Don’t trouble yourself, dearie.  (Sits in the front row)

           Usher: (Cringes at the sky, looks back at the approaching guests, and freezes at the next one) Uhhhhhh… program?

           Crasher: (Wearing sunglasses, T-shirt, shorts, and sneakers) Yes.  A program.  I would like one of those, please.  I am very happy for this couple, both of whom I have known for years and years.

            Usher: Okey-dokey, here you go.  (Gingerly hands one to the Crasher) You can sit anywhere – except the front row!

            Crasher: Out of respect for my fellow guests, I will remain in the back corner and slightly behind this tree.  (Sits there)

            (During the ceremony)

            Minister: And we join these two in matrimony, in the presence of their love ones, two best friends who found each other and now pledge their lives to one another, in sickness and in health –

           Crasher: (Wails) This is so beautiful!  I believe in you!  (Everyone stares) Continue.

            (During the reception)

            Best Man: (Making his toast) Now, I’m not one for speeches –

            Crasher: Hear, hear!  (Snaps photos of everyone, including the DJ)

            Best Man: – but here goes.  (Fifteen minutes later) I really can’t think of anything else to say; wait a minute, there was this one time when –

            Crasher: You’re killin’ us, man, turn back on the music!  (The music turns back on and the Best Man is overrun by guests returning to the dance floor)

            Maid of Honor: Yeah man, and thanks for ruining my speech!

            (At the dessert table)

            Crasher: (To a caterer, while loading up a plate of pastries) Got any beignets?

            Caterer: Not at this event.

            Crasher: No matter.  (Begins loading up a second plate)

           Guest: (To Crasher) Hello, I don’t remember you from either of the couple’s friends; did you happen to bring your invitation?

            Crasher: No, but I brought money.  (Walks to the gift table, uses one hand to whip out a roll of cash, and tosses bills into the fancy envelope-holder.  On walking past Guest on the way back to the main seating area) That should cover my plate; hey DJ, play the free-as-a-bird song!

            DJ: Again?

            (As the reception winds down)

            Guest: OK everyone, get your plastic swords of light to salute our couple!

            (They do so as the couple proceeds through the guests)

         Crasher: That’s right, you make a stand!  It’s you against the world now!  Don’t let the happiness die!  (Two security guards pick up Crasher and walk to the park entrance; from outside the park) It was totally worth it!

            Guest: Certainly not a dull night out, at any rate.