(Only partially
inspired by actual events :-))
(Scene:
Chairs and decorations are arranged for a lovely wedding ceremony in a lovely
park. Ushers at the entrance of the main
aisle hand out programs)
Usher:
Here you go.
Guest:
Does it matter which side I sit on?
Usher:
Nah, nobody cares about that – just not the front row, unless you happen to be
a parent of one of the guests of honor, heh-heh.
Guest:
I am.
Usher:
Oh. Front row, sorry, they just grabbed
me to hand these out, I didn’t know what I was signing up for!
Guest:
Don’t trouble yourself, dearie. (Sits in
the front row)
Usher:
(Cringes at the sky, looks back at the approaching guests, and freezes at the next one) Uhhhhhh… program?
Crasher:
(Wearing sunglasses, T-shirt, shorts, and sneakers) Yes. A program.
I would like one of those, please.
I am very happy for this couple, both of whom I have known for years and
years.
Usher:
Okey-dokey, here you go. (Gingerly hands
one to the Crasher) You can sit anywhere – except the front row!
Crasher:
Out of respect for my fellow guests, I will remain in the back corner and
slightly behind this tree. (Sits there)
(During
the ceremony)
Minister:
And we join these two in matrimony, in the presence of their love ones, two best friends who found each other and now pledge their lives to one
another, in sickness and in health –
Crasher:
(Wails) This is so beautiful! I believe
in you! (Everyone stares) Continue.
(During
the reception)
Best
Man: (Making his toast) Now, I’m not one for speeches –
Crasher:
Hear, hear! (Snaps photos of everyone,
including the DJ)
Best
Man: – but here goes. (Fifteen minutes
later) I really can’t think of anything else to say; wait a minute, there was
this one time when –
Crasher:
You’re killin’ us, man, turn back on the music!
(The music turns back on and the Best Man is overrun by guests returning
to the dance floor)
Maid
of Honor: Yeah man, and thanks for ruining my speech!
(At
the dessert table)
Crasher:
(To a caterer, while loading up a plate of pastries) Got any beignets?
Caterer:
Not at this event.
Crasher:
No matter. (Begins loading up a second
plate)
Guest:
(To Crasher) Hello, I don’t remember you from either of the couple’s friends;
did you happen to bring your invitation?
Crasher:
No, but I brought money. (Walks to the
gift table, uses one hand to whip out a roll of cash, and tosses bills into the
fancy envelope-holder. On walking past
Guest on the way back to the main seating area) That should cover my plate; hey
DJ, play the free-as-a-bird song!
DJ:
Again?
(As
the reception winds down)
Guest:
OK everyone, get your plastic swords of light to salute our couple!
(They
do so as the couple proceeds through the guests)
Crasher:
That’s right, you make a stand! It’s you
against the world now! Don’t let the
happiness die! (Two security guards pick
up Crasher and walk to the park entrance; from outside the park) It was totally
worth it!
Guest:
Certainly not a dull night out, at any rate.
