(A
group noisily arrives at a pub in the early evening)
Customer
1: All right everybody, order your rounds and get them out of the way – we have
serious business tonight that will require all our concentration.
Customer
2: Yeah, serious business making serious money!
Group:
Huzzah!
Bartender:
Trivia Night doesn’t start for another two hours, and the only prizes are gift
cards to this place.
Customer
1: …This calls for another round!
Group:
Huzzah!
TWO HOURS LATER
M.C.:
Yowza, yowza, yowza, all you cats and kittens, it’s time for our weekly TRIVIA
NIIIIGHT!!!!
Crowd:
Wooooo!!!!
M.C.:
Now, since we do it old school here: pencils and papers at the ready?
Crowd:
(Waving pencils and papers in the air) Wooooo!!!!
M.C.:
And away we go!
Crowd:
Wooooo!!!!
M.C.:
Seriously, though, you’re gonna need to keep it down a bit – the wrestling ring
next door’s been complaining.
Crowd:
Wooooo!!!!
M.C.: And yowza, yowza,
yow – oh, already did that part – on to the first question! (Hits a button on a control to start the game
on the television screens throughout the pub) This one’s a softball: Which male
character appeared in the most of Shakespeare’s plays?
(The
Crowd blinks as one at the M.C.)
Customer
3: Oh come on, buddy, at least try to make it hard!
Customer
4: Yeah, any idiot knows the answer’s Bardolph!
Crowd:
Duh!
M.C.:
You are correct! The answer is “That
idiot Bardolph!”
Customer 2: Oh,
I thought it was Falstaff.
M.C.: That one was
just to lure you in: now, (Hits a button on the control to display the next
question) here’s an intermediate one.
True or False: Voyage to the West, published in the 1590s during
the Ming Dynasty, is considered one of the Four Great Classical Novels of
Chinese literature.
Customer 5:
Really, another softball? True!
M.C.: Ha! In your face – that’s False!
Customer 5:
What?! Don’t give me that rot; Voyage
to the West practically invented the novel!
M.C.: Yes, but
the English translation of the title is Journey
to the West, so the answer’s False, ahahahaha!
Customer 5: I –
but – it – I’ll fight you!
M.C.: Next
question! (Hits a button on the control
to display the next question) In Cinderella, what was the slipper the
prince tried on her made of?
(Crowd mutters
in consultation)
Customer 6: (Raises hand) Is this Charles
Perrault’s Cinderella, Brothers Grimm’s Cinderella, or another Cinderella
entirely?
M.C.: Ooh, you
guys learned fast: Brothers Grimm.
Customer 6: Well
then it’s a golden slipper, since that was the last gift those magic birds
dropped on her.
M.C.: Correctamundo! Onwards and upwards. (Hits a button on the control to display the
next question) Ooh, we have a Name That Tune!
Crowd:
Woot-woot!
M.C.: For this
one, you’ll get 30 seconds of an instrumental piece: you then must name the
title of the song, the opera it’s featured in, and the composer to get
full points! Bonus if you also get the
librettist.
Customer 7:
Boo! Too many requirements! (Throws a handful of potato chips at the M.C.
and misses)
M.C.: You’re
cleaning that up later. (Plays the
30-second clip) Anyone? (Crowd mutters
in consultation) Really, folks, this one’s practically a gimme.
Customer 8: We’ve
got it! (Stands) That was “Au fond du
temple saint” from Les Pêcheurs de Perles by Bizet!
M.C.: (Stares
coldly at Customer 8) It clearly was “Song to the Moon,” from Rusalka,
by Dvořák, you uncultured swine! (Customer
8 sits in shame) What am I going to do with you? Now, Lighting Round: in one minute, write the
names of as many writers you can who died before the age of 40, go!
Customer 9: That’s
just sick.
M.C.: Fifty-five
seconds! (The Crowd writes furiously)
Aaaaaand time! Let’s see the
results! (Collects papers from every
group and whips through each) All right,
which joker wrote Harper Lee?! She died
at age 90!
Customer 10:
Yeah, but her one real book was at age 34, so she was literarily dead after
that.
M.C.: This is
not a subjective essay question! That’s
in the Bonus Round!
Crowd: (Moans en
masse; everyone flings down their pencils and leaves)
Bartender: (To
M.C.) Thanks for ruining my tips for the rest of the night.
M.C.:
Whatever. (Hits a button on the control
to the display next question) Perhaps you can answer the question of “Did
Impressionism impede or hasten the rise of Dadaism?” in 10 paragraphs or fewer,
then.
Bartender:
(Grabs a tossed pencil and paper) Sure; got nothing else going on right now.
