“Come one, come all; step right up;
don’t be shy; and any other version on the phrase ‘Get your butts over here’
you can think of, to witness the spectacular spectacle that is The Amazing
Acrobatic Magician!”
If she didn’t
promote her own act, who would?
“Welcome,
friends. You there, little boy in the
front, thank you for volunteering!”
“Uhhhh…?”
“Here, have
the quarter that’s been hiding behind your ear.
I’m kidding; no one wants to see that garbage when they can see this!” She levitated the child several feet above
the stage, circled him once over the crowd, and set him back down in his
seat. “Notice that my lips never moved!”
She grabbed
four hatchets from the floor and began juggling them extremely fast. “Now, keep your eyes on each of these as I
make them disappear one-by-one.” Each
one vanished in mid-toss. “You, ma’am in
the back row, what’s that in your oversized swag bag?” The audience member pulled out four hatchets
and dropped them in shock. “Voila! Nothing up my sleeves!”
She grabbed
a deck of cards out of thin air and flung all of them into the audience. “OK everybody, pick a card!” All 52 plus one Joker were picked up. “Memorize it!
You got it?” She pulled down a
trapeze that was hanging nearby, flipped around on it a bit 50 feet in the
air, and shouted down: “I’m going to finish with a triple-somersault and land
on one foot atop that glass there – ” she pointed with her toe to the glass
that had appeared center stage – “and when I have alit upon it, all of your
cards will have returned to me.” She did
and they did. She pulled one out of the
deck and held it face out: “Is this your card?”
“Yes!” One
voice called out.
“I thought
so.” She set some batons on fire. “For my final trick – ”
“Awwww,”
the crowd groaned in disappointment.
“Sweet. For my final trick, I will be throwing these
flaming projectiles into the air above us, creating a chemical reaction in the
atmosphere that will transform these implements of destruction into a shower of
roses that will cascade upon us. Before
I do so, does anyone here have seasonal allergies?” Several hands raised. “After this, you will be cured.” She juggled the batons for another minute,
throwing them higher each time and spinning around every so often just to show
off, then vaulted them in the air and lay down on the stage for a quick nap as
the flowers fell gently on everyone. She
was jolted awake by the thundering applause and $20 bills flung in her
direction.
“Thank you,
good people, I do this all for you and your adoration!”
She had
three more shows that day, then off to the next state’s Renaissance Fair –
truly, she was living the dream in entertaining the nerds.
