Story 240: The Magicrobat

“Come one, come all; step right up; don’t be shy; and any other version on the phrase ‘Get your butts over here’ you can think of, to witness the spectacular spectacle that is The Amazing Acrobatic Magician!”

            If she didn’t promote her own act, who would?

            “Welcome, friends.  You there, little boy in the front, thank you for volunteering!”

            “Uhhhh…?”

            “Here, have the quarter that’s been hiding behind your ear.  I’m kidding; no one wants to see that garbage when they can see this!”  She levitated the child several feet above the stage, circled him once over the crowd, and set him back down in his seat.  “Notice that my lips never moved!”

            She grabbed four hatchets from the floor and began juggling them extremely fast.  “Now, keep your eyes on each of these as I make them disappear one-by-one.”  Each one vanished in mid-toss.  “You, ma’am in the back row, what’s that in your oversized swag bag?”  The audience member pulled out four hatchets and dropped them in shock.  “Voila!  Nothing up my sleeves!”

            She grabbed a deck of cards out of thin air and flung all of them into the audience.  “OK everybody, pick a card!”  All 52 plus one Joker were picked up.  “Memorize it!  You got it?”  She pulled down a trapeze that was hanging nearby, flipped around on it a bit 50 feet in the air, and shouted down: “I’m going to finish with a triple-somersault and land on one foot atop that glass there – ” she pointed with her toe to the glass that had appeared center stage – “and when I have alit upon it, all of your cards will have returned to me.”  She did and they did.  She pulled one out of the deck and held it face out: “Is this your card?”

            “Yes!” One voice called out.

            “I thought so.”  She set some batons on fire.  “For my final trick – ”

            “Awwww,” the crowd groaned in disappointment.

            “Sweet.  For my final trick, I will be throwing these flaming projectiles into the air above us, creating a chemical reaction in the atmosphere that will transform these implements of destruction into a shower of roses that will cascade upon us.  Before I do so, does anyone here have seasonal allergies?”  Several hands raised.  “After this, you will be cured.”  She juggled the batons for another minute, throwing them higher each time and spinning around every so often just to show off, then vaulted them in the air and lay down on the stage for a quick nap as the flowers fell gently on everyone.  She was jolted awake by the thundering applause and $20 bills flung in her direction.

            “Thank you, good people, I do this all for you and your adoration!”

            She had three more shows that day, then off to the next state’s Renaissance Fair – truly, she was living the dream in entertaining the nerds.