Showing posts with label reindeer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reindeer. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 15, 2021

Story 420: Romping in a Winter Wonderland

 (In a house, three children are having lunch in the kitchen)

Parent: (Bursts in, waving tickets) Well kids, it took me five years but we’re finally making it to the North Pole’s Magic Land of Fun and Wonder, hooray!

Kid 1: (Applauds with a mouth full of sandwich) Hooray!

Kid 2: Hate to be the downer here, but isn’t that place for, you know….

Kid 3: Kids?

Parent: Yes!  And you’re it!  Them.

Kid 2: True, but five years is a long time in this stage of our existence.

Kid 3: Yeah – I started shaving last month.

Kid 1: Wait, this isn’t the roller coaster park that just does the Santa bit this time of year?

Kid 2: Nope: this is full-on North Pole.

Kid 1: Oh.  (To Parent) I have to retract my “Hooray” – isn’t that place for kids?

Parent: WE ARE GOING.

            (At the North Pole’s Magic Land of Fun and Wonder)

Parent: (Shoving Kids into the park) Go on, my lovelies, pick a place where you’d like to start!

Kid 2: (Looks around at the festive buildings) Um… can we get something to eat in Mrs. Claus’s Candy and Cookie Kitchen?

Parent: You just ate breakfast an hour ago!

Kid 2: Tell that to my growing body.  (Holds stomach as it growls in agreement)

Parent: OK, we’ll get some snacks there, then it’s off to Santa’s Workshop, yippee!

Kid 3: Ooh, you think they’ll let me play with the power tools if I ask nicely?

Parent: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

(On the extremely long line to see Santa)

Kid 3: Are they gonna make us sit on his lap?

Parent: What do you mean, “make us”?  Don’t you want the full experience of a benevolent father figure granting your heart’s desire?

Kid 3: It’s just that, I think I’m bigger than he is.

Parent: (Waves dismissively) Fine-fine, stand next to him or whatever then.

Kid 2: Can I do that, too?

Kid 1: Me three?

Parent: You two aren’t bigger than he is.

Kid 2: It feels creepy to sit on a stranger’s lap at my age.

Kid 1: Even if he is a right jolly old elf.

Santa Claus: (Waves to the family) Ho-ho-ho, NEXT!  (None of the Kids move)

Parent: You wimps, I’ll do it!  (Runs up to the platform and hops onto Santa’s lap)

Santa Claus: Oof!  You’re quite a big child there, ho-ho-hm.

Parent: Hi Santa, all I want this year is three grateful children, please.

Santa Claus: You and me both – (Holds out a candy cane) take this and scram, you’re cutting off the circulation to my legs.

Parent: (Takes the candy cane and leaps off of Santa Claus) Thank you!  (To Kid 1) Get up there!

Kid 1: (Approaches Santa Claus, remains standing) Hi Santa, could I have a quote-unquote “normal” parent this year?

Santa Claus: Mild embarrassment aside, you don’t know how lucky you have it.  (Tosses a candy cane at Kid 1) Now get outta here and let through the ones who actually want to see me.  (Kid 2 and Kid 3 walk off the line, following Kid 1)

Parent: If those two are gonna skip, can I take their places?

Santa Claus: Don’t be greedy, now beat it!

(The family arrives at a ride featuring flying reindeer)

Parent: Yes!  Let’s go on this one, it’ll be perfect to ride those just as it’s starting to snow!

Kid 1: That sounds more magical than I think it’ll turn out to be.

(They wait on line for an hour, then climb aboard the reindeer that fly in a circle and up-and-down)

Parent: (Waving arms forward) On Dasher, on Dancer, wheee!

Kid 1: (Looking out at the parking lot) Hey, I can see the car from here!

Kid 2: (Looking up) I can see the sun from here!  This is super high, oh-my-gosh!

Kid 3: (Stuck at the bottom of the vertical arc) I think mine’s broken.

(In the car on the way home)

Parent: Well kids, I know this was five years too late for you to fully appreciate it, but I hope you had at least some fun today in this excursion of merriment.

Kid 1: Yeah, the one ride was pretty fun in the blizzard and all.

Kid 2: My favorite was the Elf Chip Cookies.  And the giant hot cocoa with the giant marshmallows.  And the Yule Log Hot Dogs.  And the Peppermint Hamburger Patties.  And the –

Kid 3: I enjoyed seeing the wonder and magic shared by everyone there, and that special feeling only this season brings.  And the Yule Log Hot Dogs were pretty sweet, too.

Parent: That’s the spirit!  And because you all were so good today, I’m going to give you an extra special gift!

Kids 1-3: (Eagerly) What?

Parent: Next year, I’m going without you!

Kid 2: Probably for the best – we’d only slow you down.