THE PRESENT
Friend 1: You’re
wearing shorts?! It’s 50°F outside!
Friend
2: What’s your point?
Friend
1: It’s too cold for that lack of clothing to be appropriate!
Friend
2: I’m celebrating the False Spring we are in the midst of right now.
Friend
1: It’s really not that warm, and it’s going back down to 12° tomorrow.
Friend
2: It’s all relative, if you recall the past few weeks.
Friend
1: I guess….
THE WEEK BEFORE THAT
Friend
2: The bomb cyclone is here!
Friend
1: Would you knock that off? Yes, we
have achieved single digits, and yes, we all are transforming into icicles
mid-step the moment we open the door, but really, people in the naturally
wintry parts of the world are probably laughing at us as we flail around in our
helplessness right now.
Friend
2: How do you mean?
Friend
1: I’d think that when sub-zero temperatures are your everyday reality,
listening to anyone complain about being anywhere above that short-term must be
a joke.
Friend
2: It is literally freezing right now!
Friend
1: And yet, it can always get colder.
THE WEEK BEFORE THAT
Friend
2: Remember that polar vortex we had a few years ago?
Friend
1: What’s left of my toes do, yes.
Friend
2: Then say hello to this year’s equivalent: the bomb cyclone.
Friend
1: That is a terrible name for a weather condition. And it’s already 30°F – how much colder could
it get?
Friend
2: There’s plenty of room for that answer.
THE PRESENT
Friend
1: All right, I’ll give you that it’s much warmer now, but you’re still wearing
unhealthy attire, and right now it’s snowing in Florida! Of all places!
Friend
2: Then I will face the End Times in my luxuriously heated apartment, dreaming
of the days not far behind and soon to come when we’ll be whining that it’s
too hot and we’re all melting from the humidity.
