(In an office)
Coworker 1: (Trails off while typing and slowly stares into space within the cubicle) What am I doing? Why am I here? Who am I really? What am – ?!
Coworker 2: (Pops head around the corner) Hey: we’re ordering from the deli downstairs for lunch, you in?
Coworker 1: (Snaps to attention) Yeah, could I have a pastrami on rye with extra pickles and smothered in ketchup, please?
Coworker 2: Unusual, but you bet. (Starts to slide away, then pops back in again) Oh, you mind also picking it up? No one else wants to `cause of the date.
Coworker 1: Oh no, is today a memorial or something?
Coworker 2: What? No, it’s Friday the 13th. I’m surprised anyone actually came into the office.
Coworker 1: (Laughs in disbelief) Friday the 13th? Seriously, everyone here’s that superstitious?
Coworker 2: Clearly – this building doesn’t even have a thirteenth floor.
Coworker 1: This building was constructed in the early 1900s so your point is outdated.
Coworker 2: Well, whatever. We all believe in it, so since you clearly don’t, you get the thrill of having to pick up lunch.
Coworker 1: But if everyone believes in today being bad luck, why’d you all even come into work? Why didn’t you just call out sick?
Coworker 2: …It’s Free Doughnut Friday in the conference room.
Coworker 1: Ah. Fine, I’ll pick up lunch; just give me all the money.
Coworker 2: Sure thing – you’re the best! (Puts on a helmet and leaves)
(Coworker 1 shakes head and opens a new e-mail message that reads: “Please redo your portion of the shared file – there was a glitch and none of your edits were saved. Thanks a bunch!”
Coworker 1: My portion?! That took me over three hours to do! (Stares back to where Coworker 2 had been) Hmmmm…. nah, this is just regular annoying bad luck.
(Later, Coworker 1 arrives at the downstairs deli, exhausted)
Cashier! Hi! Usually don’t see you around here.
Coworker 1: (Gasping for air and leaning on the counter) I drew – the short straw – in picking up – lunch – today.
Cashier: Sure. (Grabs a large bag with the order and leaves it on the counter) You feeling all right?
Coworker 1: (Hands over the money with shaking arms) The elevator – wasn’t working – had to take the stairs all the way.
Cashier: That stinks. How many flights?
Coworker 1: All of them.
Cashier: (Takes the money and rings up the order) Well, it is Friday the 13th –
Coworker 1: Not you, too?
Cashier: (Laughs while handing over change) Only a little bit: the most I do is avoid walking under ladders, but that’s just a good safety habit, I think.
Coworker 1: Yeah. (Freezes) Uh-oh.
Cashier: What? Forgot somebody’s order?
Coworker 1: (Tilts head back) I just realized, I now have to walk back up all those stairs. With extra weight. This’ll be the most exercise I’ve gotten in years.
Cahier: Yeah. Or, you could take the freight elevator.
Coworker 1: Huh?
Cashier: (Points to the elevators in the hallway) I’ve been seeing people use that all day. Guess `cause the other one is broken.
Coworker 1: (Stares at the working elevator) Son of a mmmmfffff.
(Back in the office, Coworker 1 staggers into the breakroom, dumps the food bag onto the table, and collapses onto a chair; Coworker 2 enters soon afterward)
Coworker 2: (Immediately begins going through the bag) Hey: saw you come through our department, everything OK? You took forever.
Coworker 1: (Staring at the ceiling) The regular elevator were broken, so I took the stairs.
Coworker 2: (With a mouth full of sandwich) That’s too bad – should’ve checked the freight elevator first, I think there was an e-mail about that this morning.
Coworker 1 (With gritted teeth) So I realize.
(Coworker 3 zooms into the breakroom and heads straight for the bag)
Coworker 3: (To Coworker 1) Thanks for picking these up, you’re gonna need it: turns out we all gotta stay tonight until the big project’s done.
Coworker 2: (Still with a full mouth) I thought we had another two weeks for that?
Coworker 3: Gross. We did, and now we have until tomorrow. Friday the 13th strikes again, eh, chums? (Strolls out with a sandwich)
Coworker 2: (Muffled, to Coworker 1) Told ya. (Leaves)
Coworker 1: (Sighs from the depths, then takes the bag and pulls out the rest of the sandwiches) …Where’s mine?!
(Late that night, Coworker 1 arrives home and stands in the entranceway, too drained to move. After a few moments, the phone rings)
Coworker 1: Arrrrrggggghhhhh…. (Answers the call) Whaaaaaaaat?????
Coworker 2: (Voice) Just wanted to let you know that it’s after midnight so Friday the 13th is officially over and you can relax now.
Coworker 1: Well, thank you; I wouldn’t have gotten a wink of sleep tonight if you hadn’t called me super late to tell me that very piece of nonsense.
Coworker 2: Hey, we all had a garbage day – facts don’t lie.
Coworker 1: I want to, right now, on my bed, and sleep through the entire weekend. Bad night to you.
Coworker 2: If you’re now convinced of the power of Friday the 13th, then brace yourself for this tidbit of trivia.
Coworker 1: Oh joy; what now?
Coworker 2: We’ve got another one coming up in nine months.
