(In a high school classroom)
Teacher: Good morning, class; welcome back to school and your first day of Algebra –
Students: Boooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Teacher: I will allow one token protest to readjust after your summer of slackerdom – now, let’s begin with your new best friends this year: X, Y, and Z....
(Forty minutes later)
Teacher: And so, your homework tonight and every night until the end of the academic year will be the problems we are up to today – (Checks the day’s plan) yes, the next 20 will do fine.
Students: Ughhhhhh….
Teacher: Just do your best; you won’t be quizzed until Tuesday the earliest.
Students: Aaaahhhhh!!!!!
(The bell rings and the students run out of the classroom)
Teacher: And remember: have fun! Out of all the math you may take in high school, this is the only one you’ll all actually need in your adult lives! (Mutters while prepping for the next class) Only 50+ more years of this until retirement.
(The next day)
Teacher: All right students, I saw that nearly all of you have posted your homework on our portal by at least 7:59 this morning; however, and I am loath to tardy-shame so early in the semester, but you – (Points to Student 1) still have not submitted your work, at all. I will accept a paper version at this time, and this time only.
Student 1: (Stands) Actually, Teach –
Teacher: <Gasps>
Student 1: – since you told us to have fun, I decided to answer the problems a little more… creatively, if you will. (Quickly dashes out to the hallway and comes back in dragging a large covered object on a wheeled cart to the front of the classroom, whipping off the tarp with a beaming flourish)
Teacher: And what, pray tell, is this? A computer that you manipulated to supply you with all the answers?
Student 1: What? No, it’s a nuclear reactor.
Teacher: WHAT??!!
Student 1: I built it last night – to scale, of course.
Teacher: Oh I see, it’s a model nuclear reactor.
Student 1: Heck no, it’s functional: my cousin hooked me up with some uranium that “fell off a truck,” wink, wink.
Teacher: WHAT????!!!!
Student 1: (Pats the reactor) Don’t worry, it’s lead-lined.
Teacher: (Gesturing wildly at the reactor) But – what – why – nuclear – why – fission – but – algebra!
Student 1: Well, the problems you assigned were all to solve for unknown variables, and you’d said we be using this material later in life, so I thought, “What better way to apply this busywork than to make all these equations solve for the components in generating a non-fossil-fuel-dependent energy source?” Nuclear energy is the key to saving the planet, I’m telling you!
Student 2: (Raises hand) Can you make it have a meltdown?
Teacher: ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Student 1: (Laughing) Yeah, that’s the one fly in the green energy ointment here; next step is solving the variables for space vehicles that’ll harvest the hydrogen and helium directly from the Sun without making it go supernova in the process, which should solve all our current planetary crises forever. (To Teacher) Mind if I hand that in on Monday instead of tomorrow? I got Drama Club this afternoon.
Teacher: Sit down, please. (Student 1 drags the reactor to the back of the class as neighboring students tentatively pet it in passing) Now, class: while I admire your enthusiasm and thinking outside the box to apply what you learn in the classroom to real-life situations, I must draw the line at atom-splitting and any other potentially life- and planet-threatening activities, is that clear?
Student 3: (Raises hand) Is it all right if my term project is solving for X to create a never-ending supply of water?
Teacher: While I am tempted to say “Go right ahead,” I fear you would wind up drowning the world instead.
Student 3: Fair enough.
(The bell rings)
Teacher: (As the students leave with the nuclear reactor in tow) Right: tonight I want you all to only complete problems 21 to 40, with just the answers entered next to the equations and no “Show and Tell” demonstrations, please! (In the empty classroom, Teacher slumps back at the desk to prep for the next class) Everyone says they wish today’s youth were more engaged with the real world, but I don’t think they realize what the results would be.
