Showing posts with label mosquito. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mosquito. Show all posts

Friday, June 15, 2018

Story 242: Pests Are Always Invincible


            (In a tree)
            Tick: This is it: this is the day I’m gonna do it.
            Mosquito: What, mutate?
            Tick: No – take a meal from one of the apex predators.
           Mosquito: That’s certainly ambitious.  You sure you want to go through something like that, though?  Plenty of choices around here that aren’t so nasty.
            Tick: I’m tired of deer, that bird I just dropped off of was very unsatisfactory, I’ve only got a few months left to pop out some kids and die, and I want to trophy hunt before I go.
          Mosquito: Suit yourself, since you want to be so omnivorous, but you do realize this’ll probably be the end of the line.
            Tick: Then what an end!  (Spots a potential host) All right, that looks like a good one: lots of mane to get lost in, especially since I don’t have to climb up the rest of the body to get there this time.  (Shudders at the memory)
            Mosquito:  Really?  That one?  Smells bland.
            Tick: It’s the closest one I can see so I’m going for it!  (Raises a front leg to test the wind and makes complex calculations adjusting for air currents, land speed of the target, and angle of descent)  Here I go – wish me luck!  (Sees that Mosquito had left some time ago) Right.  (Drops from the tree and lands on the target’s head).  Ooh, nice and warm.
            (Six hours later)
            Human: (Scratches head) Hm, something in my hair?  (Grabs and takes a look)
            Tick: Howdy.
            Human: [String of expletives]
            Tick: No need for alarm, I barely burrowed in – you actually woke me up from a nice nap just now, so if you don’t mind –
            Human: No-no-no-no, I can’t have Lyme’s, my life can’t be over, what am I going to do – ?!
            Tick: Relax, most of us don’t have that one, but it’s a stigma we’re all forced to bear.
            Human: Really?  You don’t have Lyme’s?
         Tick: How should I know?  You guys are the ones always poking around in everyone’s business; you figure it out.
            Human: I certainly will.  (Drops Tick on the floor, takes a heavy book, and drops that on top; gingerly lifts the book up)
            Tick: My kind has survived countless generations of all that Mother Earth has literally thrown at us – you seriously think that a simple crushing pressure would defeat me?
            Human: Yes!
            Tick: Typical human reaction: something irritates you, therefore it must die.
            Human: Well you probably’ve killed me, so we’re even!
          Tick: I sincerely doubt it: my guess is that if – if, mind you – I happened to pass along anything, your fellows have cooked up some unnatural concoction that no doubt will keep the little ones too busy to do any real damage.  And I wouldn’t stress out over something you might have, and maybe focus more on that anemia you’ve been working on lately.
            Human: What?!
            Tick: I think I’ve told you more than you deserve.
            Human: In that case – (Places Tick in a plastic bag)
            Tick: (Muffled) You think a simple lack of oxygen would defeat me?
            Human: It should!
            Tick: I wouldn’t take that bet.
            (Two days later)
            Human: (Checks bag) You’re still alive?!
            Tick: You think a simple lack of food and water would defeat me?
           Human: Fire might, once I have a lab tech check you out.  I have to wait weeks before my blood’ll show if you gave me anything, so now I don’t even know how to feel!
            Tick: Might I recommended gratitude for being alive at all?
            Human: What would you know?!
            Tick: Enough.  (Reveals hole that was bitten into the bag) Tick away!  (Scurries to a window)
            Human: Drat.  Should’ve done the fire first.
           Tick: Typical human reaction.  And you think a simple extreme temperature would defeat me?  By all rights my kind should be running this planet!  But, unlike some species I could name, we’re not greedy.