Scenario 4: A horribly mutated insect, hundreds of times the usual size, predictably escapes the lab of its creation and indulges its taste for human flesh, tearing apart the local infrastructure in the meantime
(In the lab that was the scene of the crime against nature, a group of scientists huddle up)
Scientist 1: It attacks without warning; it covers its victims with a viscous, acidic fluid before it devours them whole; it seems impervious to bullets, bombs, electric shocks, and that one bread knife over there; and to top it all off, scans show it’s ready to lay a whole bunch of eggs on the roof that it will then stop at nothing to protect and will cover the Earth with its indestructible spawn when they all hatch!
Scientist 2: (Raises hand) Question: if it’s going to lay eggs, doesn’t that actually make “it” a “she”?
Scientist 3: Yeah, now she’s just a momma trying to protect her babies. Although, won’t she need a mate first to fertilize them?
Scientist 4: Ooh, should we create one for her?
Scientist 1: Don’t make this life-and-death situation ethically complicated! We must wipe them all out, now! I mean, look what just one of these monsters did to our little town – imagine what an army of them would do to a major metropolis!
Scientist 3: I say we take our mad colleague who created this mess and feed `em to her – that should close the loop nicely.
Scientist 1: Our mad colleague was her first meal!
Scientist 3: Oh right, forget about that. I withdraw my proposal.
Scientist 2: (Raises hand again) Hold on everyone: I have an idea….
(Hours later, the horribly mutated insect returns from her most recent meal foray, crawls up the outside of the lab building, and scampers across the roof to continue her insect world-building when she crosses a trip wire that releases a giant diamond fly swatter, which swings down and crushes the creature against the roof. The scientists run out from their hiding place and stand in a circle around the remains)
Scientist 2: Yep: diamonds still remain the hardest substance on the planet.
Scientist 1: At last: the monster has been destroyed, and the world is safe from yet another human-made disaster.
(They stare at the smushed body some more)
Scientist 3: Sooooo… who’s going to clean this up?
Scenario 5: Through an unfortunate close encounter, an everyday schlub gets transformed into a monster and now struggles with newfound powers and appetite
(In a café, the transformed schlub, covered in copious amounts of body hair, sporting fangs, rotting flesh falling off, and antennae swiveling around, sits at a table sipping coffee with Best Friend)
Schlub: (Prehensile tongue shoots out and slurps in a muffin; swallows and smacks lips) Nope – none of my former food and drink vices are doing it for me anymore. I think my body is turning me toward one, single menu item: human being. Which I don’t think counts as cannibalism since I’m clearly no longer a human being myself. (Scratches ear with foot)
Best Friend: Mm. (Sips coffee) You sure about that? Wanting to eat people, I mean.
Schlub: Usually how these things go.
Best Friend: Just because you don’t like the food you used to eat doesn’t mean an all-human diet’ll do the trick. Maybe your body’s just rejecting processed foods now.
Schlub: That’s ridicu – oh. You think so?
Best Friend: You should try farm-to-table.
Schlub: Hmmm….
(Schlub goes to an organic farm and is served fresh fruit and vegetables and non-hormone-saturated animals)
Schlub: (Using claws to cut food on the plate; speaks to the farm family with a full mouth) This meal is AMAZING! I no longer have the urge to devour everyone in sight! And I can feel the chemicals built up in me over the decades practically melting away! You know, everyone should eat like this, every day!
Farmer 1: (Gesturing to Farmer 2 and children that they can put away the pitchforks they had at the ready) We’ve been telling everybody that all our lives.
Schlub: I bet! If I’d known it’d be like this, I’d’ve wished that monster had gotten me years ago! Except for the body hair – could do without that.
Scenario 6: A possessed doll stalks a family in their apartment
Doll: (Slowly opens the creaking door to a bedroom where the family is hiding; the doll is wielding a butcher knife and grinning sadistically) Trick or treat! Oh wait, has that been used already?
Relative 1: Now!
(The family members pounce on the doll with a large blanket and take the bundle into the kitchen where they set it on fire in the sink. As the bundle burns, they hold up all the religious books over the remains; they then scoop up the ashes and take them to a nondenominational cemetery to sprinkle them around a tree to feed new life)
Relative 2: So, what if the ashes reassemble themselves to begin the cycle of evil anew?
Relative 1: The local dog walkers who come through here should take care of that before it becomes a problem.
Scenario 7: The killer is calling from inside the house
Resident: (Answers ringing phone) Mmm-yello?
Killer: Howdy. I’m upstairs and soon I’ll be coming downstairs to kill you.
Resident: `Kay, thanks for the heads-up. (Leaves the house)
Killer: (Stands at a upstairs bedroom window, still holding the phone and watching Resident walk down the street while dialing 9-1-1) I probably should revise my script.
