(Scene:
Interior of the human body. There is a
microscopic tear in the skin, through which Staphylococcus peeks in)
Staph:
Hello? Anybody? Any-bodies?
(Echoes answer) This is perfect:
let the games begin.
(In
an infinitesimally brief amount of time, the entire interior is taken over by
Staph and Co., who immediately trash the place)
Staph:
(On the phone, struggling to be heard over the blaring music and screaming
party-goers) Nah, I think I’m going to lay off the reproduction for a bit – it’s
nearing capacity here already and more guests keep showing up by the
nanosecond. (Doorbell rings) Speaking of
which: gotta go! (Hangs up and greets
the newcomers at the non-healing skin tear) Streptococcus, you old rascal! How’s life been treating you?
Strep:
Terribly, thank goodness.
Both:
Ahahahaha!
Strep:
Seriously, mind if I and my millions of relatives join you?
Staph:
Not at all! Come right in, you can see
nearly everyone who’s anyone is here: the Clostridia naturally had to stop by,
and even the Escherichias made an appearance!
The
Escherichias: (Swinging from cell walls) Yippee!
Strep:
Wow, I love what you’ve done with the place.
Definitely the right environment, and full of food!
Staph:
(Chewing) Yeah, you really can’t beat the locale; best one I’ve seen in a long
time. That’s why I spread the word: I don’t
mind sharing with you all – plenty to go around, feel free, help yourself, and
all that. We even let those guys over
there stick around, isn’t that right, Antibodies?
(Two
Antibodies stand miserably in a corner)
Staph:
Look at them, so cute in their impotence. (Everything starts getting very hot and the
party momentarily stops) Oh, oh, hold on
everyone, our host thinks we’re a virus again!
(Everything soon returns to 98.6°F)
As you were, my lovelies! (The
party resumes)
Antibody
1: (To Antibody 2) Should I try calling Brain again?
Antibody
2: You can if you want, but obviously there’s a bit of a disconnect there.
Antibody
1: Yeah, but if we keep at it then Subconscious has got to eventually
tell Conscious what’s going on down here, right?
Antibody
2: Has it?!
(A
random Cold Pill rushes in at full charge; Antibody 2 holds it back)
Antibody
2: Don’t even bother.
Cold
Pill: But I must! It is my sole purpose
on this planet! (Rushes Staph and
bounces right off)
Staph:
You’re so cute, too.
(Cold Pill
dissolves, purpose unfulfilled; the party rages on)
Meningococcus: The
keg’s set up!
Staph:
Perfect! (They proceed to tap it) So
really, if the hosts really thought about where we are all over and all
throughout their bodies, I think their heads would literally explode, the poor
darlings.
Meningococcus:
I couldn’t agree more. (Offers a cup)
Care for some amino acids?
Staph:
Love to. (Chugs)
(From
a random area, Antibiotic bursts through the partygoers; Staph spit-takes. Antibodies 1 and 2 jump up from playing cards
off to the side)
Antibody
2: (Shouts upward) It’s about time!
Antibiotic:
Listen up, punks, this party’s over – FOREVER!
I am shutting this infestation down!
Bacteria:
Boo!
Staph:
All right, everyone, you heard the pill; you can all pus out now. (To Antibiotic) You may have evicted us this
round, but you’ve been used on me one too many times, pal! Next time we meet, you may the one who’s
given what for! And I am not
cleaning this mess up. (Puses out)
Antibody
1: Is that true? Can they really defeat
you next time?
Antibiotic:
Oh, probably. Too much of me is not a
good thing, and they certainly love to have a good infection.
