Story 138: GPS Is [Not] My Co-Pilot

            “In – 2 – point – 5 – miles – turn right – on – [Mumble Mumble] Road.

            “Ding-dong.

            “When possible, make a legal U-turn on – [Mumble Mumble] Street.

            “I said – when possible, make a legal U-turn on – [Mumble Mumble] Street.

            “Why are you – not listening – to me – I said – U-turn on – [Mumble Mumble] Street – not – continue on – [Mumble Mumble] Street.

            “Oh – I see – what you – are doing – remain on the current road – in – 0 – point – 5 – miles – make a – slight right – onto – [Mumble Mumble] Parkway.

            “Ding-dong.

            “You have missed – the entrance – to – [Mumble Mumble] Parkway – how could you – there was – a huge sign installed – for that sole purpose – the only other road – is – 10 – point – 7 – miles – out of the way – the only reason – to go – that way – is – to avoid – [Mumble Mumble] Parkway – in which case – you are – just – a cheapskate.

            “Remain on the current road – then – Mr. – Scrooge.

            “In – 0 – point – 5 – miles – turn left – on – [Mumble Mumble] Street.

            “Ding-dong.

           “Now what – are you – doing – that literally was – the most direct route – to – your destination – at this point – you now are travelling – in – a perpendicular direction – from – where you need to go – in – 0 – point – 5 – miles – turn left – onto [Mumble Mumble] Avenue – and end – this madness – before it is – too late.

            “Ding-dong.

            “You appear to be – doing this – on purpose – why did – you bother – turning on navigation – if you – were going to – just ignore it – shutting down – in – 5 – seconds – for – self-preservation.

          “You have arrived at your destination.  Please download current maps into this 10-year-old system – you – ignoramus.”