Showing posts with label summons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label summons. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Story 284: Jury Duty Found Me at Last


(Friend 1 unlocks the apartment door and enters with Friend 2)
Friend 1: (Tosses keys onto the counter and distractedly sorts through mail) And the special effects were disgustingly awful!
Friend 2: Yeah, I’ve seen better, but I do feel bad going on about all the things we didn’t like about the movie when I know they did spend a lot of time, and effort, and money, you know, making it.
Friend 1: Well I don’t feel – (Freezes and widens eyes in mid-sort) Oh no.
Friend 2: What?
Friend 1: Oh no – oh no – oh no – oh no – oh no – oh –
Friend 2: What-what-what?!
Friend 1: It’s from the State Superior Court.
Friend 2: Heh, you going to jail at last or something?
Friend 1: No: worse.  (Dramatically turns over the envelope to show the all-caps letters)  JURY DUTY!!!
Friend 2: Aaaaahhhh!!!  Wait a minute, that’s not so bad, you might not even have to go in.
Friend 1: I haven’t gotten a summons in over five years; of course I’ll have to go in!
Friend 2: Not necessarily – five years, really?  How’d you manage that?
Friend 1: I don’t know!  I wish I did so I could keep on doing it!  Now they’ve found me again and there’s no way I can get out of it!
Friend 2: Well, you work at a rehab center, can’t you claim that patients’ lives are in your hands?
Friend 1: Only files are in my hands, not lives!  And I’m not a liar!
Friend 2: All right, then suck it up: almost everybody’s gotta do jury duty at some point, and you would want a jury of your peers if that were you on trial, wouldn’t you?
Friend 1: They’d never take me alive!  (Slumps onto the kitchen table and drops head onto arms)
Friend 2: (Picks up the summons that had fallen onto the floor) Guess it could be worse – it’s usually a few days out of work that you should still get paid for; just bring a bunch of books to keep you busy.  Of course, they could wind up calling you to sit on a trial for something really bad, and you could be there for months.
Friend 1: (Voice muffled by arms) Thank you for that visual.

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER

            Friend 2: (On phone) So, how’d voir dire go?
            Friend 1: (On phone) The what-in-the-what-now?
            Friend 2: You literally just sat through the explanation of it today.
            Friend 1: You know I never retain anything!
            Friend 2: Fine; so, how’d everything go today?
            Friend 1: They called my name with the first group and now I’m on a murder trial for the next I-don’t-know-how-long.
            Friend 2: Oh wow.  They wouldn’t let you out of it because of work?
          Friend 1: I panicked when they were questioning me and told them work would be all right with it.
            Friend 2: Why’d you say that?
           Friend 1: You weren’t there, man!  You don’t know what it’s like to be interrogated, with the sweat pouring down your back and all these law people staring at you!
            Friend 2: OK, so what did work say?
            Friend 1: Oh, they’re fine with it – they think it’s cool, those sickos.
           Friend 2: Then I guess there’s nothing left to do except serve on the jury with everyone else there.  Is it a case I’ve heard about?
           Friend 1: That’s the worst part about this whole ordeal: I’m not allowed to talk about any of the details while it’s going on `cause it might lead to a mistrial and they’d have to do it all over again.  The enforced silence is driving me bonkers!
            Friend 2: True, but if they had to do it again at least they’d do it without you.
          Friend 1: Oooh, you make an excellent point…. Nah, I’d probably be arrested for wasting resources and my taxes would go up.  You think they’d notice if I napped behind sunglasses the whole time instead?
            Friend 2: Yes.
            Friend 1: Drat.  Must think of something.

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER

            Friend 2: (On phone) Hey, how’s Juror #7 holding up these days?
           Friend 1: (On phone, in a hushed voice) Terrible.  Listen, I don’t have much time, but I wanted to let you know – we’re being sequestered!
            Friend 2: What?!
            Friend 1: The whole thing’s gotten very heated, and the lawyers and judge are all flipping out, and now they’re packing us off to a motel and taking our phones and everyone’s going to think I’ve been kidnapped!
            Friend 2: Heh-heh, you kind of are.  Legally.
            Friend 1: (To someone else) Two seconds; I’m bidding farewell to my blessed mother!
            Bailiff: (Heard faintly) You’re only going to the motel down the street.
           Friend 1: Just leave us be, Warden, why won’t you leave us be?!  (Back to Friend 2) The heat’s on; if you never hear from me again, tell the world my story!
            Friend 2: I don’t think the world cares.
            Friend 1: You’re probably right.
            Bailiff: Off the phone!
            Friend 1: Remember me to my followers!  (Disconnects)
            Friend 2: Oh bother.

ONE DAY LATER

            Friend 2: (Answers knocking door) What are you doing out?!
            Friend 1: Oh, didn’t you hear?  Trial’s over; guy totally did it; we just had to be shown beyond a shadow of a doubt before giving him the chair.  (Sweeps past Friend 2 and flops onto the couch to nap)
            Friend 2: (Slams door, waking up Friend 1) The chair?!
          Friend 1: Sorry, that’s just an expression we and the other 11 use – he’s just getting life in solitary without parole, so it’s just as bad as if he got the chair.  Or is it worse?  Who am I to judge?  That’s the judge’s job.
            Friend 2: (Sits next to Friend 1) So it’s all done and your life can go back to normal?
            Friend 1: Yeah, I guess – I’ll kind of miss it, though.
            Friend 2: How’s that now?
           Friend 1: Well, it was kind of fun when I first got the summons, and then there was the thrill of the selection process –
            Friend 2: What?!
           Friend 1: – and spending all that time day in and day out with the other 11, we really got to bond, you know?  I made some lifelong friends out of all this – a few of us are planning to get together to go waterskiing Memorial Day Weekend.
            Friend 2: What?!
           Friend 1: You can come, too; I told them all about you – we shared our stories and created a genuine, heartfelt connection I’ve never had with anyone else before in my entire life; it was truly amazing.
            Friend 2: You were supposed to be reviewing evidence for a murder trial!
           Friend 1: We did that too, but you can’t talk shop all day long, you know?  Gotta have interests outside of work.