Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Story 230: I Wish I Could See the Near Future



        (Scene: An office with a sign that reads “Wish Fulfillment, LLC” on the door.   The Representative is finishing an appointment with a client)
          Representative: So, with all your forms filed, you can begin flying like a bird starting 8 a.m. tomorrow.
            Client 1: Sweet!
           Representative: (Showing Client 1 to the door) Just make sure not to collide with any actual birds, power lines, and/or drones, and that no other human beings witness you doing this.
            Client 1: Oh.  But –
            Representative: Bye!  (Gives a helpful shove) Next!
           Client 2: (Jumps up from waiting room chair) Ooh-ooh, that’s me!  (Zig-zags through the other seats and zooms past the Representative into the office to sit in the chair in front of the desk)
            Representative: (Gingerly closes the door and returns to sit behind the desk) So, how can we assist you in your Wish Fulfillment, LLC needs today?  Did you get a chance to browse through the catalog?
            Client 2: I did, but my request is a bit more specific than what’s listed.
            Representative: Oh?
            Client 2: Yes: you see, there’s that one package titled “See the Future” that’s the closest match to what I’m looking for –
            Representative: Oh yes, that’s one of our biggest sellers.
            Client 2: Yeah, and the word is that’s also one of your biggest returns.
            Representative: (Eyes blazing) Who said that!?
            Client 2: … The word.
            Representative: (Immediately flares down) I apologize; please continue.
            Client 2: Well, the problem with that one is when you see the future, you see a lot of what you don’t want to see: friends and family dying, freak accidents that chop off your leg, natural disasters that take out the whole neighborhood, repetitively making a fool of yourself, all that garbage.
            Representative: (Chewing lip) Mm-hm?
           Client 2: So, for my package, I don’t want to see the entire future – I just want to be able to see the near future.
            Representative: (Pauses mid-chew) But you’ll still see all of that other stuff anyway.
          Client 2: Maybe, but mostly at will and only if it was happening within the next, oh, 24-48 hours I think would suffice.
            Representative: Wait, you only want to be able to see up to two days into the future at any given time?  What good’ll that do?  If I may be so bold.
            Client 2: You’d be surprised; you wouldn’t believe the number of get-togethers and errands that’ve been messed up all because I didn’t know what obstacles were lying in wait.  I could avoid traffic jams, traffic accidents, weather-related flight cancellations – hm, better make it seven days into the future; the weather’s been absolutely bonkers for the past few decades.
            Representative: You know that you can’t alter your future, right?  What you’ll be seeing is already predetermined and you can’t change it without creating a universe-ending paradox, which company policy strictly forbids – says so right here.  (Retrieves a “See the Future” brochure and points to the fine print on the back) It’s the only way we can maintain our license for that service, I’m afraid.
            Client 2: (Squinting at the fine print and nodding) I understand, but I’m aiming to see situations that I can then avoid to make my life better.  The last straw for me was when I was going to meet up with a friend the other day, and an event I had to attend right before decided to run over by 15 minutes because somebody had to make a speech!  And by the time I realized what was happening, I couldn’t leave because then I’d be that guy!  Until it was super late, then I did leave, so I was both that guy to the speaker and that guy to my friend, who’d been standing there for half an hour wondering where on Earth I was!  It was so unfair for all of us!
            Representative: Yeah, I hate it when stuff like that happens: it’s not really your fault, but it feels like it’s your fault, know what I mean?
            Client 2: Exactly!  And if I had just been able to see the near future, I would have known to leave before the point when it was rude to leave!
            Representative: I see.  Well, this may be doable, but it’ll be a custom package and therefore have additional fees.
            Client 2: That’s quite all right: the peace of mind will be priceless.
           Representative: I’ll draw up the forms for you now; on a personal note, could you let me know in a few weeks how it all turns out?
            Client 2: Sure.  Got a trip planned you want to see whether it gets snowed out?
            Representative: I wish.  No, I just would like to know which days I should call out from work, if you catch my drift.
           Client 2: Why not just get the “Win a Billion Dollars” package and never have to work again?
           Representative: The literal and metaphorical prices for that one are too high.