(Scene:
An office with a sign that reads “Wish Fulfillment, LLC” on the door. The Representative is finishing an
appointment with a client)
Representative:
So, with all your forms filed, you can begin flying like a bird starting 8 a.m.
tomorrow.
Client
1: Sweet!
Representative:
(Showing Client 1 to the door) Just make sure not to collide with any actual
birds, power lines, and/or drones, and that no other human beings witness you
doing this.
Client
1: Oh. But –
Representative:
Bye! (Gives a helpful shove) Next!
Client
2: (Jumps up from waiting room chair) Ooh-ooh, that’s me! (Zig-zags through the other seats and zooms
past the Representative into the office to sit in the chair in front of the
desk)
Representative:
(Gingerly closes the door and returns to sit behind the desk) So, how can we
assist you in your Wish Fulfillment, LLC needs today? Did you get a chance to browse through the
catalog?
Client
2: I did, but my request is a bit more specific than what’s listed.
Representative:
Oh?
Client
2: Yes: you see, there’s that one package titled “See the Future” that’s the
closest match to what I’m looking for –
Representative:
Oh yes, that’s one of our biggest sellers.
Client
2: Yeah, and the word is that’s also one of your biggest returns.
Representative:
(Eyes blazing) Who said that!?
Client
2: … The word.
Representative:
(Immediately flares down) I apologize; please continue.
Client
2: Well, the problem with that one is when you see the future, you see a lot of
what you don’t want to see: friends and family dying, freak accidents
that chop off your leg, natural disasters that take out the whole neighborhood, repetitively making a fool of yourself, all that garbage.
Representative:
(Chewing lip) Mm-hm?
Client
2: So, for my package, I don’t want to see the entire future – I just
want to be able to see the near future.
Representative:
(Pauses mid-chew) But you’ll still see all of that other stuff anyway.
Client
2: Maybe, but mostly at will and only if it was happening within the next, oh,
24-48 hours I think would suffice.
Representative:
Wait, you only want to be able to see up to two days into the future at any given
time? What good’ll that do? If I may be so bold.
Client
2: You’d be surprised; you wouldn’t believe the number of get-togethers and
errands that’ve been messed up all because I didn’t know what obstacles were lying in wait. I could avoid traffic
jams, traffic accidents, weather-related flight cancellations – hm,
better make it seven days into the future; the weather’s been absolutely
bonkers for the past few decades.
Representative:
You know that you can’t alter your future, right? What you’ll be seeing is already
predetermined and you can’t change it without creating a universe-ending
paradox, which company policy strictly forbids – says so right here. (Retrieves a “See the Future” brochure and
points to the fine print on the back) It’s the only way we can maintain our
license for that service, I’m afraid.
Client
2: (Squinting at the fine print and nodding) I understand, but I’m aiming to see situations that I can then avoid to make my life better. The last straw for me was when I was going to
meet up with a friend the other day, and an event I had to attend right before
decided to run over by 15 minutes because somebody had to make a speech! And by the time I realized what was
happening, I couldn’t leave because then I’d be that guy! Until it was super late, then I did
leave, so I was both that guy to the speaker and that guy to my friend, who’d
been standing there for half an hour wondering where on Earth I was! It was so unfair for all of us!
Representative:
Yeah, I hate it when stuff like that happens: it’s not really your fault, but
it feels like it’s your fault, know what I mean?
Client
2: Exactly! And if I had just been able
to see the near future, I would have known to leave before the point when it
was rude to leave!
Representative:
I see. Well, this may be doable, but it’ll
be a custom package and therefore have additional fees.
Client
2: That’s quite all right: the peace of mind will be priceless.
Representative:
I’ll draw up the forms for you now; on a personal note, could you let me know
in a few weeks how it all turns out?
Client
2: Sure. Got a trip planned you want to
see whether it gets snowed out?
Representative:
I wish. No, I just would like to know
which days I should call out from work, if you catch my drift.
Client
2: Why not just get the “Win a Billion Dollars” package and never have to work
again?
Representative:
The literal and metaphorical prices for that one are too high.
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