Story 314: I Voted, So I Can Complain

            (In a café)

            Friend 2: (Scrolling through phone) Oooh, the results are in!

            Friend 1: (Eating a muffin) Rah-ults uh wha?

           Friend 2: Don’t be gross – the township election results, what else would be going on right now?

           Friend 1: Sorry, thought we were up to Oscar season already.  So, which crooks are in office now?

             Friend 2: Ha-ha, at least most of them try to do some good.

            Friend 1: Of course they do.  Until the reality of entrenched corruption slaps them in the face and they’re forced to either join up with the villains or die, politically speaking.  Still, we usually get some paved roads and a new playground for the kiddies out of it, so there’s that.

            Friend 2: Whatever; I voted across parties this time and even wrote in a few names, so if they actually all get elected it’ll be interesting to see if anything gets done.  Although, since I did vote, I now have carte blanche to complain when nothing does.

           Friend 1: Really?  I hated all the choices this time around so I didn’t bother voting, but now you’re saying I’m not allowed to complain about it?

            Friend 2: (Stares) You?  Didn’t?  Vote?

            Friend 1: Facts.

            Friend 2: Why not?

            Friend 1: I counter that with “Why?”

          Friend 2: Be-be-because it’s the cornerstone of Democracy, and our ancestors fought for the right to have a say in how our government is run, and you’re just completely disregarding it like it was nothing!

          Friend 1: They fought for the right to have someone else do whatever they feel like when they’re in office, while we get stuck with “Bad” and “Worse” for at least four years or until the next puppet comes along.

            Friend 2: But how can you complain now when you didn’t even vote?

            Friend 1: Very easily: I complain all the time.

         Friend 2: But you willfully chose to have no say!  (Holds up the phone to show the election results) Of the two of us, I should be the only one allowed to complain that we’re stuck with Mayor McDouche, again!

            Friend 1: Ugh, what losers voted her in?

            Friend 2: Well, she may not’ve been if you had voted at all!

          Friend 1: (Thinks for a few moments) Nah, I might’ve selected her name by accident on the machine `cause it’s familiar.  Those things don’t let you go back and change your vote, even before you hit “Submit,” have you ever noticed that?

         Friend 2: I still can’t believe you of all people did not vote, and then have the unmitigated gall to complain about who was elected.  Only I have that right, do you hear me?!

            Friend 1: Calm down – it’s not against the law to not vote, and I can complain all I want about my fellows.  It’s my American right.

          Friend 2: You keep telling yourself that: if every citizen were like you, when it’s the Senate race next year you might find yourself out of office because no one bothered to show up at the polls!

            Friend 1: Nonsense – if no one voted then I’d just keep my seat forever until someone actually did.  Although, I probably would need to at least vote for myself, but I always feel like that’s a sign of vanity.