Story 260: There Are Ghosts Everywhere

            (At the Hall of the Prisoners in the Galleria dell’Accademia di Firenze, Italy)

            Servant Ghost 1: Morning.

            Servant Ghost 2: It unfortunately is.  What’s on the cleaning schedule for today?

          Servant Ghost 1: Same as always: busts, impractically large canvases, furniture that’s no longer here, the works.  You can take floors, if you like.

         Servant Ghost 2: (Conjures up a bucket and mop) Thanks.  I’m really tired of doing busts century after century – they only talk about one thing.

           Servant Ghost 1: You mean the mastodon in the room?  (Gestures to the other end of the Hall at Michelangelo’s David in all his glory)

            Servant Ghost 2: None other.  You ever hear them all go on and on about him?

           Servant Ghost 1: Nah, I started tuning them about 200 years ago; it was the only way I could get any work done. (Starts ghost-dusting unseen tables)

          Servant Ghost 2: (Ghost-mops the Hall) Wish I could do that.  All day every day, it’s them going: “Boatloads of cultural masterpieces here, and 99% of the thousands of warm bodies who come in every day just want to see David,” “What’s so great about David?”, “I like the copy by the Uffizi better,” “I hate David,” “Who is David?”, “Shut up, David,” “Could someone please vandalize David?!”, “What is wrong with you, leave David alone!”, “What, now you’re a David-lover, too?!”, “Why does no one ever come to see me?!”, “`Cause you’re a boring old bust and nobody likes you!”, “I can’t even – ”

            Servant Ghost 1: I get it.  (Passes through a tour group milling around unfinished sculptures and hovers in front of David) I haven’t really looked in decades, but the detail is meticulous, I must say.

            David: Why, thank you.

            Servant Ghost 2: Don’t encourage him – you’ll only set off the rest of them again!

            Bust: (From an adjacent room) There goes another David fan!  Traitor!

            Servant Ghost 1: (Shouts to that room) I think I’ll skip your dusting today!

            Bust: (Whimpers) Never mind.

        Servant Ghost 2: Whelp, I’m moving on upstairs.  At least those pieces know they’re appreciated by the visitors who actually bother to go up there.

            Servant Ghost 1: Have fun.  I think I’ll dust You-Know-Who; I haven’t in ages.

Servant Ghost 2: If you must, just don’t be pervy about it.

            David: Oh, my.

            Servant Ghost 1: I am completely professional in my work!  And since we’ve been stuck here for eternity, this does absolutely nothing for me anymore.

            David: Admire my lifelike veins, then; I won’t mind.

           Servant Ghost 1: (Peering closely at an arm) How on Earth did that guy ever manage to do that in marble?!

            David: Oh, you know, only pure genius is all.

            Busts: (Collectively moan) Great, now he’ll really be unbearable!