Story 280: Why Do We Celebrate Birthdays?!

            (At a playground swing set)

            Schoolkid 1: (Swaying gently on the swing) Siiiiiigggghhhhh….

            Schoolkid 2: (Brakes from swinging wildly) What’s up?

            Schoolkid 1: Oh, nothing.

            Schoolkid 2: OK.  (Backpedals a bit to build up momentum again)

            Schoolkid 1: It’s just – (Schoolkid 2 skids to a stop before take-off) I’ve been thinking.

            Schoolkid 2: `Bout what?

           Schoolkid 1: Well, it’s my 10^th birthday tomorrow, and as I approach double-digits I’ve started wondering, “What’s the point?”

            Schoolkid 2: Of what, life?

            Schoolkid 1: No!  Birthdays.

            Schoolkid 2: Oh.  Well, I can answer that: presents!

         Schoolkid 1: Obviously, can’t turn those down, but they’re just a symptom of the whole conundrum.

            Schoolkid 2: What?

            Schoolkid 1: I mean, why do we even take the time to celebrate the day we showed up on this Earth?  Whose idea was it first?  Who even noticed it first?  “Hey, I survived another year to the day from when I was first thrown into the gladiator pit that is Life, hooray for me, let’s party!”  Why?

            Schoolkid 2: (Spins on the swing to think) …Presents!

          Schoolkid 1: Yes-yes, we’ve established the presents corollary; what I want to know is why did we, collectively as a species, start down this path of commemorating our own personal orbits around the Sun?  Was it something to literally pass the time?  Was it a sigh of relief that your offspring had endured to carry on your genes?  Was it another reason to make everyone feel guilty if they forgot it?  And if age is just a number, then why are we all physically getting older anyway?  I don’t think I’ll ever get an answer.

          Schoolkid 2: (Twirls and thinks some more) I think it’s a special day all your own, and everybody has to be nice to you, and you get cake, and people give you presents!

            Schoolkid 1: I guess.  Well, when you get to be my age, maybe you’ll start wondering about all this, too.  If you come upon the answer, let me know.

          Schoolkid 2: (Starts swinging again) OK, but I turned 10 last month so I’m already double-digits!  And when I’m 16 I can get a job, and when I’m 18 I can vote, and when I’m…. (Continues)

             Schoolkid 1: Never mind.