Thursday, January 7, 2016

Story 116: That’s Not How It Happened in the Book

            (The two sisters settle on the couch to watch the movie)
            Sister 1: I really think you’re gonna like this – the book it’s based on was great!
Sister 2: I remember when you were reading it, and it sounded like a movie already.
            Sister 1: Yeah, the author practically wrote a screenplay.  I bet she was angling for it to be a movie all along; they probably didn’t even have to tweak it that much to film it.  I really can’t wait for – no, you’ll see.  (She smiles the smug insider information smile)  Let me just say it’ll be awesome.
            Sister 2: The suspense is killing me!
            Sister 2: Was the book this…?
            Sister 1: Slow?  Tedious?  Plodding?  Pedantic?
            Sister 2: I was going to say “deliberate” – at least in the beginning?
            Sister 1: No.  The treasure was stolen by now.
            Sister 2: What treasure?
            Sister 1: Exactly.  My stomach is brewing a horrible feeling of foreboding.
            Sister 2: I’m confused: are those two twins?
            Sister 1: No they are not.
            Sister 2: Then why do they look alike and keep trading places as if we wouldn’t notice?
            Sister 1: Your guess is as good as mine.  It adds nothing to the primary storyline.  It’s not even entertaining as a secondary storyline.  I think the actors are the star’s nephews, so that may explain everything.
            Sister 2: I don’t like this guy.  He has annoying mannerisms and keeps hogging screen time.
          Sister 1: Especially since “he” should be a “she” who had a tragic backstory and a pivotal contribution to the story.  Now, though, this character is just nothing.
            Sister 2: I wouldn’t say “nothing,” just “irritating.”
            Sister 1: Even worse.
           Sister 2: Wait a minute – is she dead?!  That doesn’t make any sense!  There was such build-up to her being the one to deliver the medicine and save the soldiers!  Did she die in the book, too?
          Sister 1: (Speaks around the couch pillow she is shredding with her teeth in rage) I’m sorry, what?
            Sister 2: Never mind.
            Sister 2: I’d say the romance is sweet, if it hadn’t come out of nowhere.
            Sister 1: That.  It.  Did.  And so did those two characters.
           Sister 2: Wait, that’s it?  It’s over?  What happened to the prisoners?  Where did the evil secret agent go?  Why did that moon explode?  Are they actually making a sequel to this pointless plot?  What are you doing?
         Sister 1: Checking online for the name of whoever Frankensteined this abomination of a screenplay so I can wreak my vengeance upon him, her, or them by flame war…. Oh no!  The author wrote the screenplay?  Oh author, how could you destroy your creation in such an awfully spectacular fashion?!
            Sister 2: Maybe she wanted to be remembered forever for ruining her own story?
            Sister 1: I’d disagree, but it’s hard to argue with the evidence.

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