Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Story 64: Board Game Battlefield

Player 1: Is it my turn?
Player 2: Just because I’m thinking before making a move doesn’t mean it’s your turn.
Player 1: I lost track and thought everyone was waiting for me.
(Player 2 moves a game piece)
            Player 3: Argh, you’re sending me back 20 spaces again?!
            Player 2: Have to – it’s in the rules.
            Player 3: (Moves piece back 20 spaces) I think we’re reading them wrong.
            Player 4: (Rolls dice and moves piece) Ha!  I landed on the green space!  Give me all the tokens!
            Player 2: You don’t get all the tokens, you just get half the tokens.
            Player 4: Close enough!  (Scoops in half the tokens)
            Player 1: (Rolls dice and moves piece) Does this mean I get to take The Bank?
            Player 2: You can keep it, or trade it in for a chance to advance to two spaces away from The End.
            Player 1: I’ll do it!  I’ll risk it all!  (Risks it all and fails)
            Player 2: Now you lose both a turn and any hope of a lead.
            Player 1: Curses!  Why didn’t I keep The Bank?!
            Player 3: Heh, no one keeps The Bank.
            Player 2: (Rolls dice and moves piece) I get to pick a card!
            Players 1, 3, and 4: Oooooooooooooh.
            Player 2: (Reads from the card) “Congratulations!  You have been chosen to sacrifice your game piece to save The Company.”  Did I just lose?
            Player 4: (Reads the instructions) `Fraid so, mate.  Thanks for playing.
            Player 2: Grumble, that’s the stupidest way to lose, grumble, ever, grumble.
            Player 3: Now, anything can happen.
            Player 1: Don’t say that!  You’ll jinx us all!
            Player 3: (Rolls dice and moves piece) Woo-hoo!  I’m almost at The End!
            Player 4: (Rolls dice and moves piece) And I actually am at The End!  I win, I win, you all lose!
            Player 1: Yes, you beat us all, can you leave now?
            Player 4: With pleasure.  (Leaves the game table and exits into a corporate board room.  Standing at the head of the table, Player 4 addresses the board members) Good news, people: I have been declared the victor, and we will now begin the process of assuming complete control over all three of your companies.  So moved!
            (The board members from the other companies leave with ashen faces)
            Player 4: (To Players 1, 2, and 3, who are leaving with their board members) See, wasn’t this so much better than a hostile takeover?
            Player 2: This still is a hostile takeover!
            Player 4: Yes, but we didn't know which one of us would triumph, and who wants to sit through a bidding war and poison pills?  This way is much more sporting. 

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