Thursday, July 31, 2014

Story 43: The Silent Conversation



This is a tale told in e-mail.  In the interest of saving space, in the headings for each item the Date is Today, the Time is Now, and the Subject is Question.

            To: Employee
            From: Boss
            Is that report ready yet?

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
            Almost.  When do you need it by?

            To: Employee
            From: Boss
            In an hour.

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
I thought I had until this afternoon………..???????

            To: Employee
            From: Boss
            No, I had said by 11:00.         A.M.

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
Actually, you had said 1:00.       P.M.  Here’s the e-mail.  [Screenshot of the
evidence]

To: Employee
            From: Boss
            Still need it by 11 A.M.

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
I don’t think it is humanly possible that I can finish it by then.

            To: Employee
            From: Boss
            This should have been done last week!

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
I was a little busy.

            To: Employee
            From: Boss
            Busy?  Doing what?????

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
Working.

To: Employee
            From: Boss
            You were not, you’re always playing on your phone or talking with other people. 
            YOU ARE NOT WORKING.    

>:[

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
DON’T ALL-CAPS YELL AT ME.

>:/

            To: Employee
            From: Boss
            I’M NOT YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            :{  

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
All this typing is keeping me from finishing YOUR report.

;(

            To: Employee
            From: Boss
            Then stop winky-frowning me and start working already!

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
Then stop interrupting me with e-mails!

            To: Employee
            From: Boss
            Your productivity is down the toilet and you contribute NOTHING to this
company!

            To: Boss
            From: Employee
I’m CC’ing H.R. on this conversation.
           
“No!  Don’t CC H.R.!”  He ran the five steps to her computer and ripped out the network cable.  “There, I fire you before you have a chance to quit.”
            She stood up slowly, dignified. 
            “I could totally fight this, but I respect that you had the decency to do it in person.”

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