Story 77: Driving Existentially

            “Sigh,” she said from behind the wheel as they crawled bumper-to-bumper on the parkway.

            “What is it?”  He asked this without looking up from his book.

            “I just realized that my whole life, every decision I’ve ever made, has literally led to this exact moment.”

            “And?”

            “And – is this all there is?  Me breathing in the fumes of the cars around me as I barely move, helpless and trapped by technology and humanity?  If the goal is really the road, or the destination is really the journey, then what if you’re stuck in a traffic jam?”

            “Put on some music and/or have a good conversation with your friends.”

            “Besides that.”

            “Why ‘besides that’?  Can’t that be enough?”

            “Well yes, but besides that I thought there’d be… more.”

            “More what?”

            “I don’t know, meaning!”

            “Meaning to what?  Life?  No one’s ever figured the whole thing out to everyone’s satisfaction, so why should you be the first?  Just enjoy the ride!”

            “I can’t when I feel as if I’m missing something important!”

            “Well, you certainly just missed our exit.”

            “I’m sure that has a deeper meaning to it somehow.”

Story 76: Reader Rewarded

            “Done!  Gosh, that was a tiresome read.”

            “Oh?  So why didn’t you give up?”

            “I can’t give up; I have to read the entire book without skimming, no matter how boring or painful it is.”

            “Oh, really?”

            “Why do you sound so sinister?”

            “I have a challenge for you – don’t go anywhere.”

            “OK.”

            Time Passes….

            “There you are.  I’m glad I went somewhere – it’s been three weeks!”

            “Yeah, I had to leave the country for this.”  Slams a massive tome onto the table.

            “What is this?”

            “This is the most mind-numbing, convoluted, dense, indecipherable text ever written.  There is no record of a human being ever having finished reading it all the way through to the end.”

            “What’s it called?  ‘The Measurements of the County Land Markings in Accordance With the Taxation of the’…. Did I just fall asleep reading the title?”

            “It gets worse: there’s a longer subtitle inside.”

            “Oh, wow.”

            “I challenge you to read the entire thing, page by never-ending page, from cover to cover.”

            “It’s 5,000 pages long!  And 300 pages of that are end notes, appendices, and indices!”

            “All right, you don’t have to read those parts.  Just where the main body of the work ends on page… 4,692.”

            “All right.  I have to do it now that it’s in front of me.  You sure know how to exploit my compulsion.”

            Time Passes….

            “So, how’s the read-a-thon going?”

            “Well, I almost gave up on page 7, but I soldiered on.  Something very odd happened by page 650, though: all of a sudden, the author started talking about local folklore, and then went off on this epic fantasy saga about warriors, and magic, and time travel, and blue diamonds, and enchanted trees, and so on all the way through the rest of the book.  So many questions were unanswered: did the author drive himself mad while writing about taxes?  Did he see a vision that he felt compelled to document?  Did someone else actually take over and this is really two separate books, bound together forever in error?  All I know is, this is the best book I’ve ever read and I’d actually read it again.  It changed my life.”

            “Really?  Page 650, you say?”

            “Yeah – I guess everyone else just gave up too early.”

Story 75: The Ultimate Sacrifice

            “So, it’s that time of year again.”

            “Awards season?”

            “No, silly – Lent.”

            “Oh yeah.”

            “So I gave up something really big this year.  Really big.”

            “Oh yeah?”

            “Yeah – I’m pretty proud of myself about it.  Takes an enormous amount of willpower, let me tell you.”

            “What did you give up?”

            “Chocolate.  I know, shocking: me, who eats, drinks, sleeps, and breathes cocoa almost as if it were some kind of addiction, which it totally is not.  But I’m managing, even with the tremors from time to time.  It’s a big deal, you know; important, I’d like to think.  So, what did you give up?”

            “Nothing in particular, I just gave up some free time to go volunteer at the food pantry.”

            “Oh.”

            “Yeah, it’s not much, but they appreciate anything you can do.”

            “I see.”

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

            “So, I gave up eating or drinking anything with chocolate in it this year.  It’s been hard, but I think that the spiritual rewards are worth it, plus my sugar intake’s been reduced by 90%.  What did you give up this year?”

            “I gave up being so judgmental.  I finally realized that I was the one who deserved the censure I was constantly inflicting on everybody.  People like me a lot more now.”

            “My not-eating chocolate for seven weeks helps save the rainforest.”

            “Sure.  At least until you start eating it again.”

            “…Yes.”

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

            “I gave up chocolate this year, and I’m a better person for it.”

            “That’s nice.”

            “I think I deserve some sort of acknowledgement for the sacrifice I’m making – chocolate is a part of my identity, and I feel incomplete without it.”

            “And yet you just said you’re a better person for it.  Maybe you should use your time of sacrifice to examine why you have this need and stop obsessing over it so much.”

            “Why would I want to do that?!”

            “Because you’re missing the whole point of giving up something for Lent: the sacrifice is supposed to help you focus on appreciating what you have, and on giving, and on loving, and etc.  It’s not for bragging rights.”

            “Oh.  I could have done all that and still eaten chocolate?”

            “Probably.  What you give up is basically arbitrary; what you give is what counts.”

            “Then I suffered for nothing!”

            “If you paid any attention to what this season is about, you would dial it down a notch.”