“I’m so glad we’re having our wedding on Easter Island,” Groom-To-Be said to Bride-To-Be. “I’ve always wanted to go there and see those fascinating yet creepy yet enigmatic statues.”
“Hon,” Bride-To-Be said while she opened her mail, “we’re getting married at Easter Island so no one actually comes to the wedding.”
“I know, but I still want to see those things.”
Bride-To-Be froze after opening a small envelope: “Oh no.”
“Monique sent back our last RSVP saying she’s attending.”
“Monique! My late Aunt Esmeralda’s goddaughter. I automatically sent her an invite because she shows up to every family event. I should’ve seen this coming!”
“Oh. So, no big deal, just tell her we cancelled the destination wedding and eloped to City Hall instead.”
Bride-To-Be stared at him. “How can I say that and then post our wedding photos with ‘Wish You Were Here’ on them?!”
“But we don’t wish they were there.”
“That’s the point! And now Monique says she’s coming! What’re we going to do?!”
“Guess we’ll have to order one more of… everything. Man!”
(At the departure gate in the airport)
“Hi, guys!” Monique ran to Bride-To-Be and Groom-To-Be and hugged them simultaneously. She was wearing touristy shorts, shirt, shoes, and shades. “I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am for you two!” She turned to Groom-To-Be and shook his hand. “Hi, I’m Monique, non-blood relative – we haven’t met before today, but I can tell you’re good people.”
She turned to Bride-To-Be: “Sweetie, it’s been at least seven years, how grow-up you’ve gotten! Your parents would be so proud of you!”
“Thanks, Monique. We’re so glad you could join us.”
“So!” Monique continued as they boarded the plane and took their seats in the same row. “Who else from the fam will be at the wedding?”
“Actually, it’s just us three,” Bride-To-Be said. “Everyone said they couldn’t make it. Except you.”
“Aw,” Monique said, with a bit of a sad face. She then hugged the couple across the seats. “It’ll be a nice intimate ceremony, then.”
(At the outdoor wedding ceremony on Easter Island)
“Monique,” Bride-To-Be said as they walked down the aisle, “you really don’t have to give me away.”
“Nonsense; in the absence of your parents I’d be remiss in neglecting my duties as the only witness.”
As Groom-To-Be began getting antsy while waiting on the dais, Monique leaned toward Bride-To-Be and spoke in a low, intense voice: “You nervous? Afraid he’ll forget his lines? Afraid you’ll forget your lines? I’m just kidding, you’ll do great, go get `im!” She slapped Bride-To-Be lightly on the rear as they reached the dais; she then took the only seat on the ground level.
The ceremony commenced, with the officiant stopping several times to glare at Monique sharply as the sound of joyful weeping rose to overwhelm his words. Right before the couple’s vows, she screeched: “I object!”
“What?!” The couple turned on her.
Monique choked out, “I’m sorry, I said that hoping it would calm me down.” She then wailed, “It didn’t work!”
After the ceremony, there was a romantic dinner held right next to where the wedding took place. Two tables were arranged, one for two and one for one.
Partway through the pasta course, Monique stood and began tapping her glass with her fork. The couple stared at her. “Well there really is no one else to give a speech,” she said as she raised her glass. “I just want to say, we are all blessed to be here on this beautiful night, in this beautiful place, in the shadow of these beautiful statues,” Monique began, gesturing to the distant towering figures; Groom gave them the side-eye. “I know my late Godmomma, your dear Aunt Esmeralda, would be happy for us all. And your parents and grandparents and all the rest of them.” Bride did a double-take. “I remember when you were yay high,” Monique held her hand two feet off the ground, “and life was just beginning to unfold for you!”
Forty-five minutes later….
“And life! Continues to unfold! I just, I mean, there are no words.” Monique sat down, shaking her head and still holding up her glass.
Groom blinked. “Is that it?”
“Oh, you want more?” She started to stand again.
“No!” Bride held out her hands to stop her. “You’ve already said it all – so – beautifully. Thank you.”
Monique sniffed back tears and tilted her glass to them. “To the happy couple.”
They raised their glasses to her and all three drank.
“So,” Monique said after setting her glass down. “What’s on the agenda for the rest of our trip?”
“Ooh, I’m glad you asked,” Groom handed her a brochure. “Solitude Strolls! They’re self-guided tours that take you across the entire island. Alone.”
“Awesome!” Monique became engrossed in the brochure. “I’m feeling ready for some ‘me’ time right about now; how about you two?”