Thursday, January 19, 2017

Story 169: Superhero Sick

            Injustice is served; The Summons is sent; our Superheroes assemble along the skyline:
           Laser – She has super-strength, and her ultimate weapon is the lasers she issues from her hands and eyes.
         Typhoon – He also has super-strength, and can spin to generate a whirlwind of epic proportions.
          Magnet – She also has super-strength, and fights by attracting and repelling the iron within her opponents’ blood, making them defeat themselves.
           Zephyr – She also has super-strength, and she can fly and generate gale-force winds, knocking aside all in her path.
            Agua – He also has super-strength, and his ultimate weapon is the gallons of water he issues from his hands –
           Agua: Hey guys?  (The line-up turns to him; he speaks with a choking voice) I went to the doctor today and was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection; would you mind if I sit this one out?  I really can't bring my A game right now, if you know what I mean.
            Laser: (Her eyes turn red) Listen Bobby, when The City issues The Summons, they expect all five of us and all five of us is what they’re going to get!
            Agua: (Coughing) Yeah, but it’s not like they pay us, right?
            Laser: Just get out there!  (She runs towards The Injustice and the others follow)
            Magnet: (To Agua) I would say she’s being harsh, but I saw her fight that one time when she had shingles, for the sole purpose of not letting any of us ever call out sick.
            Agua: (Blowing his nose) Well I’m doomed.
            (Their Opponents found, Justice is dealt out in stylized martial arts-ish choreography, lasers, winds, magnetic forces, and waters.  Agua has one Opponent by the throat just so the fight does not end too early, when the alarm on his watch goes off)
            Agua: (To Opponent) Excuse me.  (He uses his free hand to take a pill, trying to not choke as he dry swallows it)
            Opponent: (Still being held by the throat) Z-Pack?
            Agua: Yeah, how’d you know?
            Opponent: Dude, you’ve been hacking up a lung and dropping tissues all over the place.
            Agua: Ooh, sorry, didn’t mean to litter.
          Opponent: That’s all right; respiratory infections are the worst.  One time I had it I stopped taking the pills after four days – never made that mistake again.
            Agua: I’m only on day two, and this thing’s still kicking my butt.
          Opponent: I know, and it’s even worse that your superpowers are worthless against it, you know what I mean?
            Agua: Exactly!
           Laser: EXCUSE ME!  (The other two turn to her) Did someone call for a break to chitchat?!!!
            Agua: I have to take this thing at the same time every day or else it’s useless!
            Opponent: It’s OK, I’m just about to pass out from lack of air any second now.  Hope you feel better, man.
            Agua: Thanks – (Opponent passes out; Agua lays him down gently)
            Laser: (Glaring at Agua) Lucky for you.
            (The Superheroes gather in their Headquarters before The Final Showdown)
            Typhoon: I think Zephyr and I can generate enough winds between the two of us to literally blow all our opponents away, whaddya say?
            Laser: Too easy – Magnet?
          Magnet: I could control their bodies like a master puppeteer and make them all fight each other.
            Laser: No has any imagination around here.  Agua?
            Agua: (Curled up in an armchair with a blanket and a cup of tea) I could just get them all sick and then they’d be too incapacitated to do… anything.
            Laser: Impossible: you’re not contagious.  I need real ideas, people!
            Zephyr: Why don’t you just laser them?
            Laser: We can’t “just” anything!  All right, here’s the plan: we’re going to do a combination of everything we said here and hope for the best.  Except for what Agua said, that’s just rubbish.
            Agua: Good, does that mean I can stay here then?
            Laser: No!
           (At The Final Showdown, the superheroes use a combination of their powers to take down their opponents.  Agua sits to the side, weakly issuing a steam of water from one hand while burying his face in a humidifier.  They win the day)
            Laser: At last!  Victory is ours!
            Supervillain: For now!  But we’ll be back!  (Sneezes) In a few weeks.  (Exits dramatically and sickly)
            Laser: (To the team) Well all, that was some great work you did there.  I’m proud of you.  (The rest stare at her) You can disassemble now.  (Typhoon, Magnet, and Zephyr leave) Agua, I have to say that you also did good work in light of your… temporary disability.  You’re an important asset to this team; all you need is to focus on your work ethic and someday you really will be great.
            Agua: (Stands to get in her face) My doctor called: it’s not an upper respiratory infection, it’s bronchitis, and I’m still contagious.
            Laser: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
           Next Time: Injustice is served; The Summons is sent – our Superheroes are all out sick.  The Regular Heroes will have to do.


  1. Everyone, it seems, is a walking germ. In the end, the germ wins. Well written.

  2. Thank you very much! As you can guess, I wrote this while also a walking germ :-).