Thursday, December 29, 2016

Story 167: A Midwinter’s Summer Dream

            (At a cafĂ©)
            Customer 1: Medium hot chocolate, please.
            Customer 2: I’d like a gingerbread latte, with extra gingerbread, if that’s possible.
          Dreamer: Yeah, could I have a strawberry vanilla sundae with a small ice tea?  Also a fudgesicle to go, please.
            Cashier: …It’s 8° outside.
            Dreamer: I fail to see your point.
            Cashier: Those items aren’t on the menu this time of year.  Due to the, um, lack of demand.
            Dreamer: OK, I’ll pass on the sundae and `sicle, but I know you have ice and I know you have tea, so I would like a combination of the two, please.
            Cashier: Oh-kay, coming right up.
            Dreamer: (Sees other customers giving weird looks and nods to them) How’s it going?
            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *
            (At a mountain resort)
            Manager: Excuse me, but there is no ice fishing permitted at this lake.
            Dreamer: (Wearing a bathing suit) Oh, I’m not here for that – I’m drilling the ice so I can do a few laps.
            Manager: You mean swimming?
            Dreamer: Yes.  In this body of water here.  (Slaps the now-uncovered lake surface)
            Manager: We only have ice skating on the lake this time of year.
           Dreamer: Ah, but as you can see, with a little effort, an entire secondary venue has been opened up!  Observe.  (Dives in and emerges, head only, teeth chattering) C-c-c-care to join me?
*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *
            (At a closed amusement park, during a gentle snowfall)
            Security: (Speaking through a megaphone) Please come down from the roller coaster now!  It is not safe!
            Dreamer: (Seated in a car at the top of a hill) Don’t worry!  I know the power’s turned off, so I moved the cars up here and kinetic energy will take care of the rest!  Here we go, whee!  (Sets the cars going and descends to the trough, where the cars stop) Whoo!  What a rush!  OK I’m done.
            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *
           (On a beach, a jogger all bundled up slows down when approaching Dreamer, who is stretched out on a beach chair wearing shorts, a T-shirt, and shades)
            Dreamer: (Sees Jogger) Mornin’.
            Jogger: Aren’t you cold?
          Dreamer: We’re actually the closest to the sun as we’ll be all year long, so I might as well make the most of it.
            Jogger: Okey-doke.  Happy New Year!  (Jogs off)
          Dreamer: Same to you!  (Settles back on the chair) I refuse to have my actions dictated by arbitrary dates.

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