Story 160: Junior Computer Class

(Supervisor leads Trainer to a classroom, then stops before opening the door)

Supervisor: By the way, thanks again for coming in at the last minute to replace our usual trainer.

Trainer: Not at all, I love teaching these classes – they reduce the number of panicked calls to I.T. by a good 30%.

Supervisor: True, but I do have to warn you about this group: they’re a bunch of babies.

Trainer: (Chuckles as they open the door and he enters the classroom) I’m sure they’re – (Trainer sees that the classroom is populated with 4-year-olds) Oh.  (The door quickly closes behind him as he stares at his class, befuddled.  One of the toddlers starts whinging) Good morning, class.  I’m your trainer from I.T., and I’ll be… demonstrating the system to you today.  Is everyone logged on?  (He sees that they all have computers at their little desks and that all have been logged on) Perfect: let’s start with creating spreadsheets.

(Forty-five minutes later)

Trainer: Once again, please do not put the mouse into your mouth; that type of behavior is very damaging to the equipment.  Are there any questions so far?  (General shifting around in chairs and several of the children start talking to each other) I must ask that you please refrain from sidebar conversations during our session.  (Wide eyes stare at him) Thank you.  Now, does everyone know how to generate these reports on their own?  (Several hands raise in the air) Yes, that’s good, and the rest of you?  (More hands raise in the air to join the ones still there) Do you need me to show you how to do it again? (All hands raise in the air) Right – watch what I am doing up on the projector screen, OK?

(Twenty minutes later)

Trainer: Let me get this straight: not one of you has ever hand coded a Web page before?!  (A stuffed animal is bounced off his head) All right, we’ll take a five minute break.

(Thirty minutes later)

Trainer: OK class, I think we’re ready to start running through some basic uploads to an FTP server, that’ll be fun, right?  (A hand raises in the air) Now I know for a fact that you just went potty, so I’m afraid I can’t allow you to leave in the middle of the session again just yet.

(An hour and a half later)

Trainer: Aaaaaaaand… there’s your data!  Isn’t it pretty?  Now, are there any more questions that I can answer?  (Silence) You guys have been great, this was an excellent class, you have my office number so call me if you have any questions whatsoever!  (He grabs his gear and flees)

            Toddler: Oh no, I forgot to ask him how we can reformat that last report!

            (The entire class bursts into tears)