Story 109: Tethered to the TV

           “We haven’t seen each other in so long!  I’ve gotta run now, but would you like to get together for dinner this week?”

            “I’ve love to!  I’d like to have someone cook for me for a change.”

            “Great!  How’s Tuesday at 6:30?”

            “Umm… not so good.  I’d have to leave before 8, and we’d still be on the entrée.”

            “Oh sure – the kids?”

          “Nah: Crime Procedural: Major City.  New season starts that night, and last episode was a cliffhanger.  Gotta see if Detective Sidekick made it through the accident with all her limbs intact.  We know she survived because she’s still in the cast list, but how altered will she be?”

            “Ohh-Kaaay, how about Wednesday?”

            “Hm, normally I would say yes, but there’s a special episode of Space Opera Grit on that night.  I normally don’t watch those kind of things, but they’re bringing back Captain Cowman as a special guest star, and I’ve missed him since they pinned him off at the end of Season 3.  Show went downhill after that.  Supposedly, the actor had pitched a fit one day and threw a bottle of water at one of the 17 producers so they all fired him, but nobody buys that, else why would they invite him back now?  We all think he wanted more money so they figured it was cheaper just to give him no money.  Either story’s a shame, `cause he’s too hot to be such a whiny little bi-”

            “All right, how about Thursday?”

          “Yeah, no can do: murder mystery night.  Back-to-back episodes of Olde English Private Investigator and Modern English Private Investigator.  I love that they have the same cast in both, and they only shoot four episodes a year each.  With the salary the leads get, that’d be a sweet job, not having to work 11 months out of the year, right?  The mysteries tend to blur together, but what do you expect after being on the air for 42 seasons?”

            “Friday?”

           “Oh, Friday: sitcom mayhem.  Half-hour nuggets of Single D-Bags, Psychopathic Family of 10, Married D-Bags, and Why Should I Date Anybody?  Comedic gold, although PFO10 is getting a little long in the tooth and should’ve updated its name to PFO35 years ago.  Gueststaritis affects even the best of them, I guess.”

            “How about the weekend?”

          “Days I’m fine, but Saturday night’s Sword Slash and Retroville, and Sunday’s Political Parody Pundits, Antihero vs. Borderline Villain, and Despair, USA.  It’s TV’s new golden age.”

            “Yes, you seem a bit held captive by it.  Why not record them or access them later?”

            “I can’t miss them when they first air – I’ll fall behind and then forget to watch them by the time the next episode’s on!  I am free on Mondays, though – they’re my day of rest because nothing I like is on.  Want to do dinner then?”

            “Uh, can’t, actually.”

            “Kids?”

            “…Comic Book Adaptation, Over-Capacity Prisons, and Auditions: Opera.”

            “Ooh, I heard Comic Book Adaptation was good; I just couldn’t bring myself to commit to another cinematic universe when it premiered.”

            “You know, it’s only so-so.  It really should’ve just been a miniseries, but they’re doing the whole 22 and already got renewed for another 10 seasons.”

            “Bummer.  You’re stuck now.”

            “Yeah.  So, maybe we can get together by the beginning of June?”

            “Definitely!  I’ve got a 12-day break before Summer Vacations: Oceania begins airing seven days a week!”