You know
how you look at somebody and think: “He is such a man child,” or “Why doesn’t
she just grow up?” or “He’s so immature,” or even “What a big baby.”
They wish.
People of
Earth, I am here to tell you that I have discovered the Fountain of Youth, the
answer to never growing up and never growing old (mentally, that is – this isn’t
a miracle). Here is the solution for
your nostalgia, your melancholy, and your animosity towards your current life:
Don’t allow
yourself to become bored with what makes you happy.
That’s
it. I’m not even charging a fee for it.
You liked
playing with dolls when you were 5-, 6-, 7-years-old? Why’d you stop, then? Because you got bored with them, that’s
why. Well, guess what? The living versions of those are called
babies, and they require a lot more maintenance. Plus they grow up to break your heart, but
that’s off-topic.
I loved
playing with my little wooden soldiers, so you know what? I never stopped! Why should I?
They’re so cool! Yes, I am a
52-year-old man who plays with toys because they make me happy.
And what
law is there that requires that I must work a minimum of 40 hours a week until
I collapse into my grave? Sure, things
like “salary” and “benefits” may appeal to some (most) people, but it’s not as
if I’ll be thrown in jail if I’m technically unemployed, right? Mom and Dad didn’t kick me out, and they left
me a nice annuity to ensure my survival, so why should I join the ranks of the
miserable, over-worked, struggling adults just so I can have an
in-ground pool and a jet ski that I don’t need?
Why, when I can relax around the house and volunteer at the rec center
as I’ve done every year since I was in high school?
Speaking of
school, that is a key element of childhood, so I have faithfully continued my
education in… everything. Nothing
defines “child” more than complaining about homework and looking forward to
summer vacation!
Ah, summer –
the time to run around the yard in your bathing suit, or ride your bike to the
woods to look for treasure, or play ball in the park (the street’s gotten way
too crowded). Why does everyone stop
doing all that? We all had a great
time. Are you too cool now, is that
it? Or did life just wear you down and
make you old?
Same goes
for winter: sledding in the snow, ice skating in circles for hours on the local
rink, and presents! Why is all that
stuff fun and appropriate now only if you’re really doing it for some
chronological child? I can’t wait to see
the lights on the trees and on the menorahs, and hear the annual repetitive music, and
cozy up in my bed with the blankets while it’s snowing outside (hot cocoa must be
an accompaniment).
So I’ll
keep playing with my toys, and building sand castles on the beach, and
exploring my backyard in the company of my imaginary friend.
The rest of
you are welcome to join me whenever you wish.
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