Story 90: The Grid

            (An office.  An employee is working at his desk when he suddenly realizes that his co-worker has been standing behind him off to the side and staring at him.  Employee 1 sees that Employee 2 is dressed in camouflage and topped off with some tree branches)

            Employee 1: What’s this?

            Employee 2: You didn’t notice me right away – good.

            Employee 1: Are you feeling all right?

            Employee 2: I’m finally doing it, man.  I’m going off The Grid.

            Employee 1: Why in the world would you want to do that?  I like The Grid – it stores all my passwords.

            Employee 2: I did an Internet search on myself yesterday.

            Employee 1: Hoo-boy.

            Employee 2: And not only did I find entries with my name, my exact age, my town of residence, and the opportunity to find out more about myself for a fee: I then found information on people who were looking for me.

            Employee 1: What?  Are you a fugitive?

            Employee 2: Not yet, but I saw the names, exact ages, towns of residence, and –

            Employee 1: I get it.

            Employee 2: – of five people were who were looking at my profile at that very moment.  Why would they do that?

            Employee 1: Maybe they were bored.

            Employee 2: One, yes.  Two, an aberration.  Five?  They’re coming to get me.

            Employee 1: Were they all from this area?

            Employee 2: Another strange factoid: they were from all over the country.  They’re closing in!

            Employee 1: You need to calm down – did you recognize any of the names?  They might’ve been old classmates looking up everybody.  Or they could be relatives – you know, we’re all related to each other if you trace humanity all the way back to the beginning.

            Employee 2: …OK, that would be uncomfortable news for a lot of couples, but going back to your suggestions: I hadn’t thought of those, but they’re still disturbing.  Why would a bunch of people I knew in the third grade or random relatives try to find me now?  Do they want me to give them money?

            Employee 1: I don’t know, why don’t you ask them?

            Employee 2: Because then I’d have to give the site money!  Forget it, it’s just easier to sever ties with the world completely.

            Employee 1: Before you do that, make sure you send your report on to Corporate.

            Employee 2: Yeah, I was hoping they’d forgotten about that.  When’s it due?

            Employee 1: This afternoon.

            Employee 2: I didn’t even start it yet, so I do believe that now is the perfect time to drop off The Grid.