(In multiple offices, a teleconference takes place with a vendor and managers – they all can view the vendor’s computer screen)
Vendor: Welcome, everyone – is everyone here?
Caller 1: I think so?
Caller 2: Hi!
Caller 3: Someone’s missing from the queue.
Vendor: All righty, I’ll just start and they can catch up. Soooooo…. how’s everybody doin’ today?
Caller 3: This is an hour and a half demo: just cut to the chase.
Vendor: All righty. Can you all see my screen on your end?
Caller 3: Yes.
Caller 2: Yes.
Caller 1: No.
Caller 4: Yes.
Vendor: Good. I’m going to demo how to run that report you had requested the other day.
Caller 2: I don’t have it.
Vendor: Pardon me?
Caller 2: No, I don’t have it, I’ll even check my inbox – (A voice is heard saying something unintelligible) You never said anything about needing it for today!
Caller 3: Turn off your mic!
Caller 2: Hold on a second – what?
Caller 1: We all can hear you!
Caller 2: Right, sorry. (Clicks off)
Caller 3: Sorry about that – you were saying?
Vendor: Thank you – oh, I see the last caller has just joined us.
Caller 1: Hi!
Caller 3: Turn on your mic!
Caller 5: (Clicks on) Oh, there it is, hello!
Callers 1 and 4, and Vendor: Hi!
Caller 5: I was stuck in a meeting – how far did you get?
Caller 3: We’re losing precious paid seconds here that we’ll never get back! Keep it going!
Vendor: Right. OK, so you’d open the window here, and select “File”. Everybody see how I did that?
Caller 3: Not for nothing, but we all got computer basics down pat decades ago. Just advance to the part we don’t know, please!
Caller 1: Can I leave early? I forgot that I have to go to H.R. soon.
Caller 3: Do whatever you want.
Vendor: OK, I ran the report and this is what it will look like for you.
Caller 3: Looks good. What does everybody think?
Caller 5: That should work.
Caller 1: Yeah.
Caller 4: (Sound of a page turning)
Caller 3: Are you reading a book?!
Caller 4: Noooo…..?
Caller 3: Get off the line!
Caller 4: You told me to call in!
Caller 3: And you’re supposed to pay attention! You’re going to have to run this thing on your own soon, so you’re gonna have to know how to run it!
Caller 4: But this demo’s sooooo boooooring!
Vendor: Um, would you like me to call back later?
Caller 3: No! We paid for one session, and we need it done now! Continue, please.
Vendor: OK, so if this report has what you need, I can show you what else you can do with the program.
Caller 1: Does this demo really need to be an hour and a half long? Can’t you just send us a slide show and we’ll call if we have questions?
Caller 3: Our package includes this, so we’re doing it! Why are you wasting even more time questioning it?!
Caller 1: `Cause it’s wasting my time! I have to go to H.R. soon!
Caller 3: Then go already! We don’t need you! You’re all useless!
Caller 5: Hey, I didn’t do anything! I was stuck in a meeting!
Caller 2: (Clicks on) OK, I’m back – what’d I miss?
Caller 3: Everything! You people have ruined the demo, and we’re never getting that money back, never!
Vendor: Actually, that slide show suggestion was a good idea –
Caller 3: No it wasn’t! We are doing this demo if it kills us all!
(Sounds of clicking)
Vendor: Everybody else just disconnected.
Caller 3: Finally – I can never get anything done with them around.