“I cannot
perform as Scrooge in these anachronistic conditions! Shelley’s cell phone keeps ringing, the
construction workers are at it again with the jackhammers in the lobby, and that
train, that flipping train, keeps coming by blaring its horn every 20 minutes!”
“You’re
an actor, Gary – block it out.”
“Yes, I
am an actor, Steven, one who is attuned to the world around him in order
to fully embody his roles, and I cannot fully embody a 19th-century
moneylender when I am being constantly upstaged by 21st-century
ambient noise!”
“I
understand. Now take it from the top.”
(Clears
throat and speaks with an upper-crust, old-fashioned English accent) “‘A Merry
Christmas? What right have you to be
merry? You’re poor enough.’ If that fire alarm goes off one more time, I
swear to all the ghosts of all the Christmases – ”
“It’s
being fixed, Gary, just – focus.”
“Easier
said than done. Ahem-hem-humbug-humbug-humbug. ‘What right have you to be’ – I’m sorry,
Shelley, but unless you’re an on-call physician, that phone really needs to be
destroyed.”
“Stake of
holly through your heart, Gary!”
“Shelley,
he has a point – no phones on stage.”
“I’m
waiting for a call-back!”
“Then we
need to have a talk after rehearsal.
Continue, Gary.”
“I forgot
my place.”
“‘What
right have you to be merry?’”
“Oh
yes. Can we skip ahead to the end? My ‘Redeemed Scrooge’ needs more practice.”
“Fine,
whatever keeps this moving.”
“Thank
you. ‘The spirits did it all in one
night! They can do’ – ahhhh!!! The
train! The infernal train!”
“Gary! Opening night’s tomorrow! If you can’t do this, I’ll have to bring in
Scott!”
“Not
Scott! He can barely do a passable Bob
Cratchit!”
“Then
don’t make me!”
“Bah!”
“That’s the
spirit.”
Poor Scrooge; done in by modern technology. His BAH was rather good.
ReplyDeleteThank you :-).
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