Story 54: Door-to-Door

            It’s not easy being hated by nearly everyone I meet, but it’s part of my job.  I even have to agree with them – I’d slam the door too if I saw my sickeningly sweet face standing there on the porch.  But, as usual, it (barely) pays the bills.

            I had an eventful day this time around – the third house I came to listened to my pitch for a bit, then determined that I’d failed the test and they set their miniature poodle on me.  Pfft, I’ve had bigger – nothing a good punt can’t take care of.

            Another homeowner invited her husband to take a look at my cute costume and shoved chocolates into my hands – why do I always get saddled with Halloween?  The kids behind me got antsy, so I asked for more candy for my kid brother (I’m an only child).

            My most interesting house had a lady listening to my spiel for a bit and she even started filling out the forms, when the homeowner pulled up the driveway and the lady who was at the door dropped the forms and ran away with a TV.  I had to stay there for a few hours as a material witness, so there went most of the rest of my day.

            The last house on my route tried to convert me to a religion I’d never heard of before – I wound up with some brochures and will be receiving a follow-up phone call soon.  How did they do that?!

            By the time I got home, I saw someone approaching me with the same desperately friendly look that I always wear.  I greeted him with “Leave now”, in the international language of solicitors we all understand.  He spun on his heel and moved on to my neighbors. 

            Every job has its perks – I was given the secret code to program my phone so I never receive unwanted calls.  That’s some compensation for the gaping void in my soul.